“My friends don’t talk to me”
“My friends don’t talk to me.” Or, “my friend stopped talking to me and I don’t know why!” It’s a weird experience when your friend just stopped talking to you. But why? It felt like for no reason. It’s comparable to a bad break up and the pain you feel is just as bad.
You’re left with questions you probably won’t get answers to.
What did I do? Will I speak to them again?
There are many reasons a friend may have stopped speaking to you—and the list can be long, mainly because it can be anything.
But here is a list of 11 common reasons why a friend has closed the door on your friendship and what you can do next to move on.
#1 They’re simply just a bad friend
Sometimes the reasons aren’t that complicated and maybe they’ve always been a bad friend but you just ignored it.
Some qualities of a person who isn’t a good friend are they’re judgmental, aren’t present, it’s all about them, they come first and use you when they need to. Also, they don’t respond back to a call or messages.
The thought of “my friends don’t talk to me” is confusing and feels like a gut punch. Sometimes we match with the wrong people. That happens and there are plenty of people with who you can find a quality connection. Find out how below.
#2 They don’t want to be friends anymore
If someone wanted to talk with you, they would. No one is so busy that they can’t back to you within a few hours. This is also a possible sign they’re breaking up with you.
Someone would make it clear if they wanted to be friends with you. Ignoring you for days on end isn’t a good sign for any sort of relationship. You’re better off moving on and finding friends who appreciate you for who are and respect your time.
#3 Your “friend” is not interested in your life
This is similar to the above but it’s worth a mention to the thought, “my friends don’t talk to me!”
It’s been said that a great indicator of someone’s interest is how often they ask questions about your life. If you’re interested in getting to know someone and asking questions about their childhood, hopes, dreams, and goals, chances are they like being your friend.
So the fact that they’re not returning that sort of engagement is a clear sign they don’t want to be friends. It’s not because your life isn’t exciting, it’s merely that you two aren’t a good match as friends.
#4 The friend might have personal challenges
If your friend suddenly stops talking to you, they might be taking time to recharge for self-care or they may be having personal problems they’re not ready to talk about yet.
Also, your friend might have a problem they may feel ashamed of ‘admitting’ to. Or, they may feel that they’ll be bothering or upsetting you, or have fear of being labeled, and worry about how the friendship might change.
#5 You don’t want the same things anymore
Some people stop speaking to friends because they want different things. People grow apart and they move on without saying anything.
However, maybe they always did what you wanted but it was never reciprocated. Things change, and maybe the last time you talked, things were uncomfortable.
Growing apart from friends and wanting different things is never fun, or obvious sometimes, but it does happen.
#6 Maybe you were overwhelming them
Sometimes one person does all the comforting while the other person does all the venting. Are you the person who needs all the comforting?
If your friend was always the person you went to for help and complain to, it could have gotten a little overwhelming. Even though helping people navigate difficult life issues is great, if it happens all the time it can quickly weigh someone down mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically.
Ignoring you may have seemed the easiest route to move on or the only way to set a boundary. This could be the reasons “my friends don’t talk to me“.
#7 You friends are emotionally immature
Sometimes we have friends who aren’t able to express themselves, are selfish, and don’t think of others.
They’re unable to take responsibility for their actions. This friend will blame others, complain, and not take any action to improve their friendship, especially if it doesn’t help them in any way.
Healthline describes an emotionally immature person as, “someone emotionally immature will find it hard to effectively communicate or process their emotions and can often appear selfish or aloof.”
These people have commitment issues, won’t go deep during a conversation, everything is about them, and you’ll feel more alone than ever as their friend. When you think, “my friends don’t talk to me“, maybe it’s time to find more mature friends who appreciate you.
#8 They seek help and friendship elsewhere
Sometimes you might find yourself in a situation where you’re feeling less connected with your best friend and you realize they’ve replaced you
Maybe you’ve been squeezed out and it probably feels gut-wrenching, and awful. Discovering that your best friend is close to someone else can be upsetting. But it doesn’t have to be the end of your friendship, and it doesn’t mean that your friend doesn’t like or value you.
If you’ve lost your friend, acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, “my friends don’t talk to me“, and allow yourself time to grieve the friendship. But next, focus on meeting new people and growing your social circle. If you feel very low or depressed, talk to a trusted friend or therapist.
#9 You annoy them, so they just ignore your calls
Many people don’t even realize they’re being annoying but it might be obvious to others that you try too hard to be likable, or try to fit in by breaking basic social norms. A few things you might do that are annoying:
You’re loud and seek attention: The level of loudness of a person or the environment can be considered annoying because it’s very distracting.
Ask annoying questions: Some people always seem to need other people to help them with tasks that they can accomplish themselves if they tried harder.
When someone else is talking you interrupt: Interrupting people in the middle of a sentence because you have to express yourself now!
If this is you, the thought, “my friends don’t talk to me” or “my friends don’t talk to me”, shouldn’t be a surprise.
#10 A depressed mind can trick you into losing friends
When someone has depression, studies show that our brain is not good at seeing things from different perspectives. If you’re feeling anxiety from “my friends don’t talk to me“, this can definitely trigger depression symptoms.
If you’re in a good mood and don’t get a response to a text, you probably just assume the person is busy. In a depressed state, you might feel worthless, taken advantage of, and have no reciprocation.
Some people seem unfriendly and distant but you might find out later they were depressed and felt lonely. Depression is not easy to deal with by yourself, for some people it may be impossible. Consult a doctor and consider looking for a therapist if you feel symptoms of depression.
#11 You weren’t a good friend
You might be acting like a bad friend and not even know it.
When it feels like your lacking friendships in your life, it’s easy to blame others. But before you do, take a close look at yourself because sometimes it’s actually us, not them, that’s a bad friend.
Here are a few things you might be doing that caused your friend to stop talking to you:
1. You always steer the conversation back to yourself
2. It’s common for you back out of plans
3. You’re constantly leaning on friends for emotional support, but they don’t turn to you
4. Boundaries aren’t something you consider if you’re friend sets them
“My friends don’t talk to me” What’s next?
After taking a look at the possible reasons behind your friend ignoring you, maybe you can try to reach out to talk and resume your friendship. If you have another chance to fix things really listen to the “How”. But if you’ve already tried this and still no response, it’s time to move on and make new friends and work on yourself.
The next step is to make new friends who appreciate you more or at least learn to become more social and meet different people.
“My friends don’t talk to me”.
We know making new friends isn’t easy. So, we’ve come up with ways below on how you can approach finding friends. Take a look at the below tips!
This can be a hard experience but you can do this and move forward and meet people who appreciate you.
You got this!
How to make new friends: 10 Steps & More
Go where you feel comfortable being social
This is the first step on how to make friends is figuring out when and where you’re most comfortable talking to people.
The first question you should ask yourself is: “where do I feel comfortable talking to people?” We’ve all had good conversations no matter who you are, so consider the places, events, or moments, you’ve had good conversations that brought out the best in you.
To improve your conversation skills significantly, find a location, event, or a meeting where you feel comfortable talking to people. It can be key to socializing more comfortably and having great conversations. Don’t drain yourself of energy by forcing yourself to go places you hate.
Continue asking yourself, “where do I thrive the most?” Figure that out, you’ll start to see your conversations improve significantly.
A another question you can ask yourself:
- Where can you go which will be lots of easy fun and actually talk to someone comfortably?
Start a conversation with someone new
Sometimes all you have to do is start. However, we know it’s not easy, but you can only get better if you begin and stay motivated.
When we say, just “start a conversation”, we’re not saying, have a long and in-depth conversation, but more of a quick and simple chat with another person. Don’t think of having conversations as complex but simple moments to talk about your thoughts.
For example, when you’re out getting coffee, chat with the barista about their day, and or ask for a recommendation about what to eat. “Hey, how does the new lavender doughnut taste? Do you recommend it?”. 99% of the time they’ll be happy to give you a friendly response and you can count this a conversation.
Not all conversations are long and deep. They can be quick and simple.
Just get the conversation going. All that is stopping you, is you. If you want more tips on talking to strangers check our post on how to talk to a stranger. Also, The image below can give you an idea of how to approach someone you don’t know.
Learn Fika, A Social Ritual
If you want to improve conversation skills, be more outgoing with people at work. There are so many opportunities to practice at work.
“What is Fika”? It’s often translated as “a coffee break”. However, it’s not just any coffee break, but a time for friends or colleagues to share a cup of coffee (or tea) and a little something to eat. It help strengthens relationships.
Use Fika as an opportunity to make new friends. Ask someone new or one of your current colleagues to take a break with you and just talk. Once you feel more comfortable chatting with people, invite others to your Fika break and you’ll start to see your comfort level increase when you’ve had more conversation rehearsals.
We also suggest you take a look at our article on how to hold a conversation. These tips will help before you even start talking.
End more sentences with a question mark
Have you ever been on a date or in a meeting and the other person isn’t asking you any questions? Learn “questioning” skills and be more curious.
If you only learn one thing from this post, it should be knowing how to ask a good question. It’s important, because learning how to ask questions is a skill you need for your professional and personal relationships.
First, ask questions about who and what. Who are they are and what’s their experience? In any conversation, a back and forth of ideas should be exchanged and the discussion should be a continuous loop, on repeat.
Most people forget when learning how to improve conversation skills how beneficial good questioning can be. It will improve relationships and conversations 10x.
A conversation is a dance you perform to get to know someone and plays a vital role in establishing many of the relationships in our lives. But, you actually don’t need to talk as much as you think you do.
One of the first steps in becoming a better conversationalist and engaging more people is to become a better questioner. The quality of the conversation relies on four factors. See below.
Learn to carry and extend a conversation
Asking meaningful questions can extend and greatly enhance the quality of conversation.
In step 4 we talked about how important it is to ask questions. Now, we’ll talk about how to ask those questions, because the power of asking the right questions will make you more likable and will improve your conversations overall.
Asking the right questions is a powerful way to discover meaningful information about the person you’re talking to.
Instead of asking, “How’s your day?” ask, “Tell me about your day? Or, What was good about your day?” Notice the difference?
Here are more examples:
“Tell me about your weekend?”
“What are some things that gets you excited outside of work?”
“Can you talk about what it was like to travel to Europe?”
Before we go into detail, here is a 5 step process on how you can extend and carry a conversation using questions.
Start with basic topics or simple questions
These are “safe” topics or “feelers” questions which will give you an idea about who the person is or what their personality is like.
Here are some examples:
“It’s great to meet you! How are you?”
“How great to meet you! How’s your day been?”
“What’s your day been like?”
“Have you been here before? (If yes) What do you recommend eating?”
Use these questions (or variations of them) to start the momentum of the conversation. “Feeler” questions allow you to understand the person you’re with, beginning to build a bond, and learning which questions to ask next. After a few basic questions, start picking up the speed and begin to discover (listening for) meaningful things about who you’re talking to.
Some questions you can use are:
“What are your weekend plans?”
“Tell me about some personal projects you’re working on?”
“What do you recommend for fun activities this weekend?”
“Working on anything exciting lately outside of work?”
Use clues you’ve discovered after asking the question
If you ask — “What are your plans this weekend?” and they say, “I’m meeting up with friends to get drinks. Keeping it simple.”
Follow it up with:
“Sounds great. There are good bar options around here I’ve noticed. Do you have a favorite?”
“Great. It’s good to keep things simple. What are some other weekend activities you enjoy?”
“That’s great. How long have you known your friends for?”
Find common ground and shared experiences to build on. When you discover commonalities, you’ll build trust and become likable faster. When you accomplish this, it’s a great place to ask deeper questions.
Remember, this may also take a few separate conversations to reach this level of connection. Some people open up sooner (or later) than others.
Examples of deep questions.
“Can you tell me more about your family?”
“Does the work you’re doing now make you happy?”
“What was your last relationship like?”
“Where did you grow up, and what was your family like?”
These are good questions to venture into deep-conversations with when you’re ready.
Remember … A conversation is a dance requiring two people to be in sync with each other. It’s a loop or mutual push-and-pull, unfolding over time.
Build your listening muscles
Believe it or not, listening is actually a significant factor in improving conversation skills.
“My friend stopped talking to me and I don’t know why?” If you’ve gotten this far in this post, this is important to learn. If you don’t have many friends, keep in mind people want you to listen to what happens in their lives.
If you’re not listening you won’t be able to listen for clues to find things in common or ask questions about an interesting idea. Be different and listen more. They’ll thank you for it.
Why listening matters and how to improve
- Builds a sense of trust.
- Listening broadens your perspective and helps reduce misunderstandings.
- Create rapport and shows that you care about what others have to say.
- Take note of it what’s blocking you from listening
- Manage your feelings and hold back the reaction by pausing.
- Reacting negatively will turn people off and you won’t make any friends.
Be brief and use fewer details.
People who are long-winded will quickly lose their listeners.
Get into the habit of making your point quickly and concisely.
Trimming away excess detail is an easy way to self-edit. According to Joe McCormack, author of Brief, people can only hear about 750 words a minute. The more brief your response is, the more people will hear you and, most importantly, like you.
30 seconds the light is green: The listener is probably paying attention.
60 second mark, the light is yellow: Your listener is starting to get distracted.
1 minute mark, the light is red: Your listener is bored or politely pretending to listen.
Take a moment to pay attention to the people you’re talking to. If they’re squirming, looking somewhere else, or trying to walk away, then you’re talking too much. Bring people back to the conversation by asking a personal question.
Need more help with holding conversations? Here is where you can learn more about how to hold a conversation.
Join a social group or get social every week.
Learning how to improve conversation skills doesn’t happen overnight and as we said before, you have to practice.
Here are some activities you should consider trying:
- Explore local happenings with Eventbrite events
- Enroll in a class – Go to lessons.com to find a class near you.
- Get involved in volunteer opportunities
- Check out meetup.com – you can find all types of social activities or create a group for your special interest.
If you want to meet people online, then check out these options:
friendmatch.com – With FriendMatch, you can make friends from nearby or from around the world.
Bumble.com – Of course, this is for dating, BUT, you can also Learn how How to Make New Friends Online (Without Making it Weird)
Find things in common by using small talk
How to improve conversation skills: Find something in common with with that person. Your conversation will be much easier.
Them: “Cool, you live in Brooklyn NY too?”
You: “Yea, near Atlantic Ave.”
Them: “Oh nice! I do too!”
You: “I love the Daily Press Bar, near my apartment.”
Them: “I was there last night!”
You: “They have great trivia on Thursday. We should go.”
Them: “Yes! Let’s do it!”
Even though this is a simple example, it shows how one commonality can lead to a new friendship. In the end, discovering compatibility is a huge accomplishment in conversations. It almost always solidifies a connection and can be used for a more in-depth conversation.
3 tips you can use to make small talk easier
1. Give Compliments – Mention how you like something about their style, experience, or point of view. Giving someone praise for who they are will make you more likable.
2. Read Up on Current Events – Knowing what’s happening in the world can broaden conversations and help you find things in common. Even if it’s a simple fact. Check the facts here.
3. Show sincere interest – Good small talkers are genuinely interested in the details of other people’s lives.
To sum it up, if you want to have deeper conversations, find things in common, and talk about them. The only way to accomplish this is if you start learning how to small talk.
Chat with a stranger today
Reaching out to a stranger will actually make you feel happier. Research suggests we are underestimating the positive impact of connecting with others.
Also, here’s a great video on the reasons why it’s a good idea to talk to strangers. Research has found people are more comfortable talking about themselves to strangers than they do friends and family. People often feel more understood by strangers. Find out why.
Quick Tips. In this bonus step we’ll show you a few quick win tactics that will help you improve conversation skills.
If you’re still feeling “My friends don’t talk to me” Explore therapy
Building confidence to initiate a conversation is not easy. With a lot of things in our life, the journey starts in our mind. But sometimes it’s hard to do it on your own and your insecurities are more complex than you thought.
Discovering how to overcome anything holding you back in life is important and can be life-changing. Learn more about how therapy can help.
Now it’s your turn!
What you can do right now?
Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more). Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “my friends don’t talk to me?” or “My friends don’t talk to me”.
But you’ll feel more confident, and prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.