“I don’t have any friends!” 

If you’re saying, “I don’t have any friends!” we know how that feels. But, we think taking a deeper dive into what that means is important. Also, we want you to consider some of the reasons you feel like, “I don’t have any friends”.

But first, we want to make it clear that not having friends or being someone who doesn’t want friends is O.K. Some people thrive on their own and we support that. 

Also, this is a post we hope you can use to reflect on, and also to see a different perspective on how not having any friends can affect your life, or at the very least why you’re lacking friends or might be resisting the action of making friends.

After you’ve read this post, you might actually realize, you need to make some changes and take action to make friends. 

Let’s go! 

1. You’re an introvert, who prefers to spend time alone 

Some introverts feel overwhelmed when they’re around people. You might need more quiet time and privacy than most people. Also, you may feel more comfortable thinking alone, writing about ideas, and focusing on thoughts.

Keep in mind, introverts prefer to spend time with one or two people, as opposed to large groups or more friends. Carl Jung said Introverts turn to their own minds to recharge.

2. Unsure how to ask the right questions…yet

Sometimes we don’t know where to start when we’re talking to people or trying to mingle at a friend’s party. You get home, reflect on the day and you say, “Damn. I don’t know how to act in social situations.”

Sometimes, the main reason you might feel this way is that you haven’t learned the skills yet. But you can start today. If you’d like to get some free tools, check out our Free Tools page or join our community to improve your skills today. Becoming a better questioner and you’ll see a difference immediately. Remember, ask questions the other person will enjoy answering. Open-ended questions will help you find the spark in people, their likes, and their passions. Instead of asking “How’s your day?” Ask, “What’s your day been like?” Do you see the difference?

2. Unsure how to ask the right questions…yet

Sometimes we don’t know where to start when we’re talking to people or trying to mingle at a friend’s party. You get home, reflect on the day and you say, “Damn. I don’t know how to act in social situations.”

Sometimes, the main reason you might feel this way is that you haven’t learned the skills yet. But you can start today. If you’d like to get some free tools, check out our Free Tools page or join our community to improve your skills today. Becoming a better questioner and you’ll see a difference immediately. Remember, ask questions the other person will enjoy answering. Open-ended questions will help you find the spark in people, their likes, and their passions. Instead of asking “How’s your day?” Ask, “What’s your day been like?” Do you see the difference?

open ended questions to ask

#3. Starting conversation is hard…being alone is easier

Sometimes we don’t want to make friends or be around others because we’re insecure about how we may present ourselves. This can prevent us from wanting to make friends or say, “I don’t have any friends!” And the very basics of making friends is starting a conversation.

So, starting a conversation isn’t easy. However, you can choose the right social event for you, and believe it or not, it can make a significant difference in your social life. Try to be open to new experiences. Check out our article about where you can meet people. But once you’ve picked the right activity to socialize, you’ll see how much easier it is to make friends.

4. Being alone makes you feel good 

When we’re alone and the people we usually answer to are gone, you may feel finally have a boost of energy or feel recharged. So, we get it. Being alone can feel good. And we agree that it can be draining if you’re always connected to other people. If you’re alone you can take time for yourself and take a break from the job of consistent interaction.

Also, if you’re always around friends, you might be making a lot of compromises. However, you might not always be aligned with what other people want. So, a nice night or weekend to yourself is just what you need. Once you’re alone, the only person’s happiness you have to worry about is your own. 

#5. Depression can be a factor in not having friends

Vice News does a great job of presenting how depression can affect our social lives and why we might not want to be around people. “I don’t want any friends!” can be from depression. 

Here is an excerpt from the article and what they asked a therapist. 

Question: Why does my depression make me want to distance myself from other people?

Therapist: This is a confusing, very real, phenomenon: I don’t want to be alone… but leave me alone.

There are certainly many behaviors that help depression grow: isolating yourself, over-sleeping, staying indoors, not eating, eating unhealthily, neglecting hygiene, etc. These are likely not behaviors you would engage in on your own without depression, but depression can creep into your brain and make you want to only do these things. 

The other part of my answer is that absolutely nothing is wrong with you for wanting to distance yourself from other people. It could very well be that you’re not feeling yourself, and just showing up feels like it won’t work or will be too exhausting. But if you can, you should fight these feelings, because sometimes your brain snaps out of its depressed state, even just for a little while, when you’re involved with people you care about.

Here’s my best tip: When you’re depressed, do the opposite of what your body is telling you to do…The more you can separate yourself from the thoughts and behaviors that depression brings on. 

If you’re feeling depressed, you may want to talk to a professional who can help you through those feelings. Or, call a hotline if you’re in the United States, if not, Google your local help centers.

therapy for anxiety and depression

#6. You’re anxious and is less stressful to be alone

If you don’t have any friends, it can be because you have anxiety and it’s easier to control when you’re by yourself. You don’t have anyone telling you how to be or causing you stress. You’re more likely to turn down invitations to connect and socialize. 

“A lonely person will generally jump at invitations to socialize, whereas an anxious person —particularly one who suffers from social anxiety — will tend toward more reclusive behavior,” clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie says.

If you suspect your loneliness may actually be anxiety, speak with a therapist, who can help get to the root of your issues and help you manage your anxiety. So consider that you might have a social anxiety disorder (SAD). 

online therapy social anxiety

7. You have a habit of being overly outspoken and rude

It can be especially hard to make friends when you are too outspoken and blunt. People don’t like someone who is insensitive to the feelings of others and blurts out whatever is on their mind without considering how it will affect those around them.

Again, if you find yourself always saying what you think without thinking about how it might hurt or offend other people, it could be a big obstacle when it comes to making friends.

8. You’re not sensitive to people’s feelings or thoughts

When you’re not sensitive to how others may feel when you talk, it can also send the wrong message to people. It could come off as if you think that you know more than everyone else or that your opinion is the only one that matters. This can make other people feel insignificant and not want to be around you.

9. Constantly express negative opinions 

When you don’t have any friends, it can be easy to feel like nobody cares about what you have to say. It can be a huge deterrent to having relationships with others. If you find yourself constantly saying “I don’t want any friends”, try to take a step back and think about how your words might make someone feel.

Most importantly, everyone deserves respect, so make sure that you are keeping in mind the feelings of those around you and remember to think before you speak.

10. You might be a little egocentric

People who are selfish often struggle to make friends as they don’t care about anyone else’s needs. They only think of themselves and prioritize their wants, leaving others feeling neglected and unimportant. This can make it difficult to foster meaningful relationships as people won’t want to spend time with someone who doesn’t take their feelings into consideration.

In fact, being overly selfish makes it difficult to cultivate strong relationships and can quickly lead to a life without any true connections.

11. Jealousy can hurt your chance of friendship

Sometimes people don’t want to be friends with you even though you’ve done nothing wrong. Or, if you’re feeling jealous, this can prevent you from making friends. This could be because of insecurities. It’s important to remember that you can’t control other people’s reactions or emotions and that some of them might feel jealous and decide not to be friends with you. However, you can manage your feelings.


why don't i have friends

12. You have the habit of talking over people

If you find yourself talking too much when interacting with other people, this could be a major reason why you don’t have any friends. It is important to give others the opportunity to open up and talk about themselves. When someone is not given a chance to speak or express their opinion, it can lead to feelings of alienation and frustration.

13. You need to listen more to keep friends

If you don’t give other people the chance to participate in the conversation, they won’t feel like they can be friends with you. When it comes to forming meaningful connections with people, it’s important to remember that everyone has something to offer.

In fact, instead of worrying about why you don’t have any friends, focus on how you can listen more and engage in conversations that are inclusive and enjoyable for everyone. Take the time to be more mindful of your communication style and focus on letting others share their stories and perspectives.

14. You might push people away by flaunting

It’s no secret nobody likes a show-off, and it’s an easy way to push away potential friends. If you find yourself one-upping others or talking about your accomplishments excessively, it’s likely no one wants to be friends with you.

After all, people want to make friends with someone humble who won’t try to compete with them. It can be difficult to rein in this behavior but it’s necessary if you don’t want to end up alone.

15. No one knows your personality…show it!

Of course, you’re asking yourself why I don’t have any friends.

One answer that’s simple is: let your true personality shine. People will be drawn to you if they can see the real you, not someone trying to impress others with material possessions or status. It will allow others to relate more and open up.

16. You blame others at work and in your personal life

One of the surest ways to make sure you don’t have any friends is to blame others for everything that goes wrong. When something doesn’t go your way, it’s easy to point the finger and say it was someone else’s fault. But in reality, this behavior won’t help you get any closer to having friends. Instead of blaming others, start taking responsibility for your own actions and do better. Showing that you are willing to take responsibility and face the challenge is one of the best ways to get closer to having friends.

Remember, if you want to make friends, it all starts with you. Don’t let the fear of not having any friends keep you from taking action and improving your social life.

People like to be listened to. Watch a quick video on how!

When we think someone listens, we believe we’re taken seriously, our ideas and feelings are acknowledged, and we have something to share. This is how you make friends!

17. Teasing and annoying people is how you socialize

Trying to bully, tease, or annoy people often leads to toxic relationships or no friends. You don’t want that.

People don’t want to associate with someone who bullies, pushes them around, or tries to control them. As a result, it may be difficult for people to connect with you, making it harder for you to make friends. It might even affect your career opportunities, as no one wants to work with someone who is a bully or manipulator.

18. You need to develop healthier relationships

Nobody wants to be alone, and by treating people better, you can find yourself surrounded by friends again. Maybe you’ve had toxic friends or people in your life who’ve only treated you badly. In fact, you may have a habit or pattern to be attracted to toxic people. If you believe this may be true, please seek professional help here. It’s important to learn how to respect people and their boundaries. This is the only way to make sure that you don’t end up with no friends and ask yourself “I don’t want any friends; why don’t I have any?”

19. Your social skills suck…but can improve

Having good social skills is an important part of making friends. If you don’t have the ability to engage in conversations and communicate your thoughts and feelings in a respectful way, it can be hard to make lasting relationships. It may be time to take a step back and assess your current social skills.

20. You don’t recognize your bad behaviors

If you find you often come off as blunt or outspoken and you don’t let other people talk, then it’s likely that your social skills need some work. It can be difficult to recognize these behaviors in ourselves, but if we want to make friends, it’s essential that we take the time to identify and address them.

21. Making friends doesn’t happen overnight

Making good friends takes patience and practice. If you feel like you don’t want any friends, it’s important to remember that everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses. We all have something to offer and no one is perfect.

Most importantly, start small by introducing yourself to people and taking the time to get to know them better. As you practice being more open and honest, you’ll be able to find meaningful relationships and friendships.

22. You’re cranky and complain about a lot

If you find yourself complaining all the time, it can easily turn people off and make them think twice about being your friend. People don’t want to be around someone who is constantly negative, so if this is how you express yourself, it is no wonder why you don’t have any friends. But, it can be difficult when we feel like we don’t have anyone to turn to. It’s important to focus on being positive and letting go of negative thoughts such as “I don’t want any friends”, “Why don’t I have any friends?” or “What if I don’t have any friends?”.

Today, start taking control of your thoughts and emotions will help you to attract more positive people into your life and create meaningful relationships.

23. Gossiping is a sure way to not keep friends

No one likes to be the subject of gossip or rumors, and they will remember how you talk about them. It is a negative thing to do and it won’t lead to making positive relationships in the long run.

Now, if you find yourself gossiping about others, consider why you might be doing it and try to put an end to this behavior. Most people don’t want to be around others who spread rumors and hurtful stories, so think twice before doing so. Lastly, people will assume you talk behind their backs. This limits friendships and authenticity. 

24. You’ve been hanging with the wrong people

One of the main reasons why you don’t have any friends is because you are hanging around the wrong people. It’s easy to be pulled into a group of people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Not only can this be damaging to your personal growth, but it can also lead to further isolation and unhappiness.

Most importantly, to avoid this, find a circle of people who are compatible with you. This means taking the time to find people who share your interests, values, and passions. Think about it—the point of having friends is to foster an environment of understanding and support.

25. Maybe you’re emotionally unavailable

If you find yourself constantly asking, “I don’t want any friends”, chances are that you are not letting people into your world. When we keep our walls up and prevent ourselves from being vulnerable, it can be difficult for us to form meaningful connections with others.

In fact, we may never know what could have been if we allowed ourselves to trust and be open with other people, so it’s important to take the risk and let people in. Doing so will create more opportunities to make true friendships and expand your circle.

26. You’re standoffish and have RBF

Having RBF or resting bitch face can be intimidating and standoffish for those around you. People may assume you’re unapproachable and unfriendly, and they may be too intimidated to talk to you. Your expression may make it look like you’re not interested in talking or forming relationships. This could contribute to you not having the social life that you would like to have.

Most importantly, remember that your facial expressions don’t define you and that there are steps you can take to work on how you appear to others.

27. Carrying a conversation is difficult for you

Making friends can be a difficult endeavor if you don’t know how to start or carry a conversation. Starting a conversation is one of the most important skills you can learn in order to create meaningful connections with others. If you want free social skills tool, check out our post here. 

For many people, the fear of not being able to initiate or engage in a conversation holds them back from making new friends. It may be time to start looking into developing your conversational skills. With some practice and patience, you can learn how to start conversations and keep them going, leading to potential new friendships.

28. You’re not going to the right social activities

If you’re constantly asking yourself “why don’t I have any friends?” or “What if I don’t have any friends?” then you might not be attending the right social events. Going to social events that align with your interests and hobbies is a great way to make friends. This is because it places you in an environment where people are likely to share the same interests, creating the opportunity for natural conversations.

In addition, attending social events can help you step out of your comfort zone and meet people who could potentially become lifelong friends. Don’t let the fear of not having any friends stop you from going to social events – you never know who you might meet!

29. Schedule time with people you already know

Creating friendships takes time and effort, and it is important to make sure you are scheduling time to spend with people in order to create strong, lasting friendships. Having a set time to meet with people can also help you to build a deeper connection with someone. When you have a scheduled time to chat, you can set aside distractions and focus on getting to know each other better. This can help you to create a stronger bond and a more meaningful friendship.

Additionally, spending time together regularly can help to remind both of you of the importance of your relationship and it can also help to keep your conversations fresh and interesting.

30. You don’t small talk…It’s soo important

Making small talk is an essential part of making friends and forming relationships. It’s an important way to show interest in someone, break the ice, and build a connection. Learning how to make small talk can help you meet new people and make them feel comfortable.

Start by introducing yourself and asking the other person questions about themselves. Listen to their answers and ask follow-up questions to show that you are truly interested in what they have to say. Ask questions about their interests, hobbies, or current projects. Show genuine curiosity and be prepared to share a bit about yourself as well.

31. You’re not leaving the house to socialize 

It’s understandable if you feel that the thought of going to social events is a bit daunting. That doesn’t mean that you have to miss out on friendship though! There are plenty of ways to stay connected.

You could reach out to friends and family via video call, text, or even old-fashioned letters. Taking part in group activities like virtual game nights or movie nights can also be a great way to keep in touch with your social circle.

32. Social anxiety can limit friendships

Social anxiety can be a debilitating condition, making it hard to form and maintain meaningful relationships with others. It can cause intense fear and discomfort in social situations, making it difficult to interact with others and form meaningful connections. People with social anxiety may find themselves avoiding social situations or feeling overly self-conscious in social settings. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, and can even prevent people from forming and maintaining relationships with friends.

In addition, people with social anxiety may worry about how others perceive them and may find themselves avoiding new situations and people, which can make it hard to form new friendships.

33. Lack of self-esteem limits your friendships

Some people find it hard to believe another person would want to be their friend, or that they would be able to maintain a friendship. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and can further prevent them from forming meaningful relationships.

Again, this can be due to social anxiety or another mental challenge. This can be a difficult condition to live with, and it can have a significant impact on relationships and friendships. Most importantly, remember there are many ways to cope with and to take steps to build and maintain meaningful relationships. It may take some time and effort, but with the right support, it is possible to manage social anxiety and form and maintain friendships.

34. Being timid stops you in your social tracks

It can be difficult to form connections with others when one isn’t comfortable with expressing themselves. Opening up and sharing intimate details with people you don’t know very well, and can prevent you from forming close relationships.

In addition, it can also be difficult to engage in conversations with strangers or even acquaintances, which can hinder your ability to form strong friendships. In fact, timidity and shyness can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity, which can further limit your ability to make new friends. This can be a huge obstacle in forming lasting friendships.

35. You want close friends but haven’t found them yet

Having a close group of friends is far better than having a lot of friends. It’s better to have a few people that you can rely on and trust, rather than a large group of acquaintances. With a close group of friends, you can create a strong bond and have meaningful conversations, which is something that you wouldn’t get from having a lot of friends.

Again, a close group of friends will be there for you when you need them and you can feel comfortable talking to them about anything. They can also offer support when you go through difficult times and you can rely on them for help and advice. Having a close group of friends is great for your mental health and overall well-being. They will make sure you feel valued, appreciated, and never alone.

36. You’re not ready for new friends

Making new friends can be a difficult process, especially when one is not ready to do so. It can be intimidating to put oneself out there and get to know someone new, and it can be difficult to open up and trust someone.

So, take a step back and assess why this might be the case. It could be that one is feeling overwhelmed or anxious about the idea of meeting new people, or that you don’t have the emotional energy to forge new relationships. It is also possible you’ve had negative experiences in the past and are wary of getting hurt again. It is okay to take time to process these feelings and to take a break from making new friends. 

37. Your personality needs some work

It takes more than just the ability to be friendly and outgoing. Having a good personality is key to making and keeping friends. Developing your personality can help you become more confident and comfortable in social situations. Start by thinking about your interests and hobbies, the values that you find important, and the qualities that make you unique.

Work on being more open and honest. Being yourself and showing your true colors can help establish trust and build strong relationships. In addition, learning to listen carefully and express yourself clearly and thoughtfully is significant. Practice being an active listener and asking thoughtful questions to get to know people better.

Finally, practice being kind and compassionate. Show your friends that you care about them by being a good listener, offering advice and support, and just generally being a good friend.

38. You’re asocial and hurts your chances of friends

Being asocial can significantly hurt your chances of having friends. Asocial individuals tend to have difficulty making and maintaining social connections and are often seen as unapproachable or uninterested in connecting with others. This can make it difficult for them to form relationships since people may be reluctant to approach them or may not understand why they are not interested in socializing.

Again, someone who is asocial usually avoids social interaction and is inconsiderate of or hostile to others. Get some professional help if this might be you.

39. Lack of self-awareness can have major impact

Without knowing your own strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs, it can be difficult to build meaningful relationships. If you don’t understand yourself, you won’t be able to effectively communicate with others. You may also be unable to recognize when someone is not a good match for a friendship. You may end up in relationships with people who do not share your values or beliefs, or who do not treat you with respect.

Now, if you don’t recognize the importance of self-awareness, you may end up in a cycle of unsatisfying and unhealthy relationships. Self-awareness is essential to forming meaningful, healthy, and lasting friendships.

40. You might have Anti-social personality disorder  

People with ASPD often lack empathy and tend to be impulsive and manipulative, which makes it difficult to maintain close relationships. Those with ASPD may also display aggressive and violent behaviors, which can make it difficult for others to want to be around them. Additionally, those with ASPD typically have difficulty with trust and may be suspicious of others, making it difficult to form friendships. People with ASPD may also struggle with communication, which can make it difficult for them to interact with others and form meaningful relationships.

Ultimately, ASPD can limit friendships because of the associated symptoms, which can make it difficult for those with the condition to form close relationships.

41. You have friends but you don’t appreciate them

Having friends in life is a great blessing, but it is possible to not appreciate them. People can become too caught up in the daily grind of life and forget to make time for their friends. Make sure to keep in touch with them. Even if it is just sending a quick text or making a call, staying in touch with your friends ensures that you will remain close.

Keeping up with your friends also shows them that you care and that you value their friendship. In addition to staying in touch, it is important to take the time to appreciate your friends. Finally, it is important to remember that friends can also be a great source of support. It is easy to forget how much your friends can do for you in times of need. 

42. You live in the wrong place for friendships

It can be hard to make strong friendships when you don’t live in the right place. It can be difficult to find people who share your interests and values and who you can really connect with.

But don’t despair! Even if it’s not easy to find friends in your area, there are still lots of ways to make meaningful connections. You can try online communities, join groups or clubs that focus on your hobbies or even just reach out to people you’ve met in passing. You never know what kind of amazing friendships you could make when you put yourself out there.

43. Mental challenges stop you from meeting people

Mental health challenges can make it difficult to meet new people and develop meaningful relationships. It can be hard to open up to others, or even to leave the house and be around other people. It can also be hard to keep up with relationships that already exist.

Again, mental health challenges can make it hard to stay in touch with friends and family, or to make plans and follow through. It can be tough to explain to people why you’re acting differently, or why you’re not able to participate in activities that you used to enjoy. Most importantly, remember it’s OK to take things slow and to prioritize your mental health. It’s OK to reach out for help if you need it, and to take breaks when you need them. 

44. You have super high expectations of people

Having high expectations of people can be a great thing, as people can strive to live up to them. However, it’s important to remember not to have expectations that are too high, as this can lead to disappointment and frustration. Instead, focus on realistic goals that are attainable, and be understanding and supportive of the people in your life. Encourage them to do their best, but also to be kind to themselves if they don’t quite reach their goals. Celebrate the successes, no matter how small, and be understanding and encouraging if the goals aren’t quite met.

45. Family stops you from having friends

Family can be a great source of support and love in our lives, but it can also prevent us from forming relationships with friends. Families often expect us to prioritize them over our social lives, which can make it difficult to build meaningful friendships. This can be especially true for those who live with their families, as family members are often seen as taking priority over any potential friends. However, it’s important to remember that we still need to make time and effort to foster friendships, even if it means taking a few extra steps to make it work.

46. You’re not patient enough to make friend

Making friends can be a challenging process, and it’s understandable that you don’t feel like you have the patience or energy to do so. It’s important to remember that forming meaningful relationships takes time and effort, so don’t get discouraged if you don’t find a friend right away. You may find that taking small steps, such as introducing yourself to people in your community or joining a club or organization, can help you build up the confidence and patience you need to make lasting connections.

47. You’re unable to be vulnerable with others

Having difficulty being vulnerable to make friends can be a challenging and somewhat isolating situation. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to open up to everyone you meet. Instead, focus on finding friends who will accept and support you as you are. Take your time, don’t rush into anything, and be kind and patient with yourself. With a bit of effort and understanding, you can find people who make you feel safe to open up and be vulnerable when the time is right.

48. You believe strongly in “best friends forever

Believing that friendships last forever is a nice thought, but unfortunately it’s not always the case. Life can be unpredictable and people’s circumstances can change. People may drift apart, leading to the end of a friendship. That doesn’t mean that the memories and good times shared between friends aren’t valuable, they are cherished forever.

49 You’re not willing develop friendships

Not having a desire to work at developing friendships can reduce your chances of making meaningful friendships. Working at developing relationships takes effort and time, but it is worth it in the end. It could be as simple as getting to know someone better, or as involved as finding common interests. Regardless, it is important to make the effort to reach out and build relationships if you want to make meaningful friendships.

50. Be open to new experiences to create friendship

Saying yes to new opportunities can help you to create connections with others and can lead to exciting adventures. Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, take a leap of faith, and be spontaneous. You never know what amazing experiences and relationships may come from it. However, if you’re not, you can be missing out on meeting good quality people. 

Five benefits of having friends in your life

1. Having friends offer a healthy support system which is important for your mental health.

2. Supportive friends can increase the chances of you doing daily tasks such as exercise and eating well.

3. Friendship is also linked to less loneliness. With friends, you’re better able to cope with stress and less likely to experience stress.

4. Friends can also offer emotional support and can assist in validating emotions, listening to problems, and do things to help you feel better. 

5. Lastly, having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something creating purpose and connection in your life.

Is it bad that you don’t have any friends?

It’s important to know the difference between “I don’t need friends” and “I don’t have friends.”

If you are ok without friends, then it’s likely you’re okay. It’s also important to know that being on your own has a lot of benefits too. Spending time by yourself has been linked to some positive effects such as:

  • Increased creativity
  • Higher concentration and memory
  • More self-awareness
  • More time for yourself and personal growth

Surprisingly, to many people, spending time alone or having space from friendships or partners, can improve relationships. Giving yourself time to re-energize is important and healthy for your overall life. See more about being alone below. 

What research says about being alone with no friends


The social scientists Virginia Thomas and Margarita Azmitia tested their predictions about the importance of different kinds of reasons for being alone seen in their research in 2019. 

In the Motivation for Solitude Scale, participants were asked, “When I spend time alone, I do so because…” and then indicate the importance of each of 14 reasons. 

Answers from the two categories of reasons were mixed together when participants answered the survey. See below.

Examples of the positive (intrinsically motivated) reasons for spending time alone:

  • I enjoy the quiet.
  • I can engage in activities that really interest me.
  • I value the privacy.
  • It helps me stay in touch with my feelings.
  • Being alone helps me get in touch with my spirituality.

Examples of the negative (extrinsically motivated) reasons for spending time alone:

  • I feel anxious when I’m with others.
  • I don’t feel liked when I’m with others.
  • I can’t be myself around others.
  • I regret things I say or do when I’m with others.

People who were alone for negative reasons had a worrisome profile because they were more likely to experience loneliness, depression, and more socially anxious.

How important is alone time for mental health?

I have no friends depression

Finding time to be alone actually has a lot of benefits, which include:

Personal exploration

Being able to become comfortable with yourself, giving yourself the time and space to explore what you’re interested in without interference. 

It can be a way to try new things, meet new people, read about topics that interest you, go to new events,  and even participate in new ways of expressing your feelings.


Being alone offers you the opportunity to think outside the box and let your mind wander. Without the need to answer to anyone, you can focus inward and what makes you feel good.

Research says being alone can lead to changes in the brain that help fuel the creative process. 

Social energy

Some research says they found that people who live alone sometimes have a better social life and more social energy than people who are consistently around people.

Aloneness vs. Loneliness

Research suggests people are experiencing more loneliness now than they’ve has in the past.

According to one 2018 report, half of Americans feel lonely sometimes, while 25% report feeling lonely almost all the time.

Feeling lonely is linked to many negative health consequences including a higher risk for depression, anxiety, obesity, high blood pressure, and early death.

But it is important to remember that being alone doesn’t mean loneliness. Loneliness is usually a negative feeling which is related to isolation, however, alone time involves feeling free, inspired, and recharging in peace by yourself. 

More recently, researchers are now diving deeper into the idea that quality alone time might be just as vital for emotional and physical well-being.

What you can do right now

Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more) Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “how to make friends in college with social anxiety?”.

But you’ll feel more confident, prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing. 

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