“I don’t have any friends!” 

If you’re saying, “I don’t have any friends!” we know how that feels. But, we think taking a deeper dive into what that means is important. Also, we want you to consider some of the reasons you say, “I don’t have any friends”.

But first, we want to make it clear that not having friends or being someone who doesn’t want friends is O.K. Some people thrive on their own and we support that. Also, maybe you just need some good advice and tips to learn how to make friends. We have that here for you too.

Next, in this post we want you to use it to reflect on your current situation and also see a different perspective on how not having any friends can affect your life. And, at the very least give you an understanding why you’re lacking friends.

After you’ve read this post, you might actually realize, you need to make some changes in your life and take action to make new friends. 

Let’s go! 

1. You’re an introvert, who prefers to spend time alone 

Some introverts feel overwhelmed when they’re around people. If you’re not sure if you’re an introvert or not, take a look at our free tools here. Also, you might need more quiet time and privacy where you can feel more comfortable thinking alone, writing about ideas, and focusing.

Keep in mind, introverts prefer to spend time with one or two people, opposed to large groups or more friends. Carl Jung said Introverts turn to their own minds to recharge.

2. Unsure how to ask the right questions…yet

Sometimes we don’t know where to start when we’re talking to people or trying to mingle at a friend’s party. You get home, reflect on the day and you say, “Damn. I don’t know how to act in social situations.”

Sometimes, the main reason you feel this way is that you haven’t learned the skills yet. But you can start today. If you’d like to get some free tools, check out our Free Tools page. Becoming a better questioner and knowing how to start conversations will make a difference very quickly.

Remember, ask questions the other person will enjoy answering using open-ended questions. These types of questions can help you find the spark in people, their likes, and their passions. A great start to becoming more likable.

#3. Starting conversation is hard…being alone is easier

Now, sometimes we don’t want to make friends because we’re insecure about ourselves. This can prevent us from wanting to make friends or say, “I don’t have any friends!” And the very basics of making friends is by starting a conversation.

So, starting a conversation isn’t easy, however, you can do one thing to make social activities easier. It’s where you decide to socialize.

Choosing the right social event is significant in making conversations easier. Going to an event where you’ll meet people who have similar interests is very important as opposed to one where you feel like you don’t have any commonalities. 

Always try to be open to new experiences and say “yes” more often. Lastly, check out our article about where you can meet people. But once you’ve picked the right activity to socialize, you’ll see how much easier it is to make friends.

4. Being alone makes you feel good 

When you’re alone you may feel finally have a boost of energy or feel recharged. So, we get it, being alone can feel good. And we agree that being around people can be draining if you’re always socializing on some level. If you’re alone you can take time for yourself, taking a break from consistent interaction.

Also, if you’re consistently around friends, you might be making a lot of compromises in your life unknowingly. You might not always be aligned with other people’s wants. So, a nice night or weekend to yourself might be just what you need, and the only person’s happiness you have to worry about is your own. 

5. Depression can affect your friendships

Vice News does a great job of presenting how depression can affect social lives and why we might not want to be around people. When you say, “I don’t want any friends!” can be from depression. 

Here is an excerpt from the article and what they asked a therapist.

Question: “Why does my depression make me want to distance myself from other people?

Therapist: “This is a confusing, very real, phenomenon: I don’t want to be alone… but leave me alone.”

There are certainly many behaviors that help depression grow: isolating yourself, over-sleeping, staying indoors, not eating, eating unhealthily, neglecting hygiene, etc. These are likely not behaviors you would engage in on your own without depression, but depression can creep into your brain and make you want to only do these things. 

The other part of the answer is: absolutely nothing is wrong with you for wanting to distance yourself from other people. It could very well be that you’re not feeling yourself, and just showing up feels like it won’t work or will be too exhausting. But if you can, you should fight these feelings, because sometimes your brain snaps out of its depressed state, even just for a little while, when you’re involved with people you care about.

Best tip: When you’re depressed, do the opposite of what your body is telling you to do…The more you can separate yourself from the thoughts and behaviors that depression brings on. 

If you’re feeling depressed, you may want to talk to a professional who can help you through those feelings. Or, call a hotline if you’re in the United States, if not, Google your local help centers.

6. You’re anxious and it’s less stressful being alone

If you don’t have any friends, it can be because you have anxiety. It’s easier to control a situation when you’re by yourself. Also, you don’t have anyone telling you how to be or provoking stress. If you feel less anxious when alone, you’re more likely to turn down invitations to socialize. 

“A lonely person will generally jump at invitations to socialize, whereas an anxious person —particularly one who suffers from social anxiety — will tend toward more reclusive behavior,” clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie says.

If you suspect your loneliness may actually be anxiety, speak with a therapist, who can help get to the root of your issues and help you manage your anxiety. So consider that you might have a social anxiety disorder (SAD). 

7. You’re overly outspoken and rude to people

It can be especially hard to make friends when you are too outspoken and blunt. People don’t like someone who is insensitive to the feelings of others and blurts out whatever is on their mind. Especially without considering how it will affect those around them.

Again, if you find yourself being rude and insensitive, it will be a big obstacle when trying to make friends.

8. You’re not sensitive to people’s feelings or thoughts

When you’re not sensitive to how others may feel when you talk, it can also send the wrong message to people. It could come off as if you think you know more than everyone or that your opinion is the only one that matters. This can make other people feel insignificant and not want to be around you.

9. You constantly express negative opinions 

If you’re asking yourself “why I don’t have any friends?” when consistently being negative, it makes sense why people may avoid your friendship. However, when you don’t have any friends, it can easily feel like nobody cares about what you have to say. It can be a huge deterrent to having relationships with others.

Again, if you find yourself constantly saying “I don’t want any friends”, try to take a step back and think about how your words might make someone feel and change the behavior.

Most importantly, everyone deserves respect, so make sure you’re keeping in mind the feelings of those around you. Remember to think before you speak.

10. You might be a little egocentric

People who are selfish often struggle to make friends as they don’t care about anyone else’s needs. In addition, they only think of themselves and prioritize their wants, leaving others feeling neglected and unimportant. This can make it difficult to foster meaningful relationships as people won’t want to spend time with someone who doesn’t take their feelings into consideration.

In fact, and obviously, being overly selfish makes it difficult to cultivate strong relationships and can quickly lead to a life without any true connections.

11. Jealousy hurts your chance of friendship

If you have feelings of jealousy, this can prevent you from making friends because of insecurities. It’s important to remember to be able to manage your emotions. If you’re having trouble doing that please consider a mental health professional. In addition, others might feel jealous of you. If this is the case, you can’t control other people’s reactions or emotions. And, because of their jealousy, they may decide not to be friends with you.  

12. You have the habit of talking over people

A sure way to not have any friends is by interrupting or talking over people. Also, if you find yourself talking too much when interacting with other people, this could be a major reason why you don’t have any friends.

Also, it’s important to give others the opportunity to open up and talk about themselves. When someone is not given a chance to speak or express their opinion, it can lead to feelings of alienation and frustration.

13. You need to listen more to keep friends

If you don’t give other people the chance to participate in the conversation, they won’t want to be friends with you. Also, when it comes to forming meaningful connections with people, it’s important to remember that everyone has something to offer. 

In fact, instead of worrying about why you don’t have any friends, try to focus on how you can listen and engage in conversations that are enjoyable for everyone.

Lastly, take the time to be more mindful of your communication style and focus on letting others share their stories and perspectives too.

14. You might push people away by flaunting

It’s no secret nobody likes a show-off, and it’s an easy way to push away potential friends that way. If you find yourself one-upping others or talking about your accomplishments excessively, it’s likely no one wants to hear that or be friends with you.

After all, people want to be friends with someone who is humble and won’t try to compete with them. It can be difficult to rein in this behavior but it’s necessary if you don’t want to end up alone.

15. No one knows you… show your personality!

Of course, you’re asking yourself why I don’t have any friends.

One answer is simple: let your true personality shine. People will be drawn to you if they can see the real you, not someone trying to impress others with material possessions or status. It will allow others to relate more and open up.  

16. You blame others at work and in your personal life

One of the surest ways to not have any friends is to blame others for everything that goes wrong. When something doesn’t go your way, it’s easy to point the finger and say it was someone else’s fault.

But in reality, this behavior won’t help you get any closer to having friends. Instead of blaming others, start taking responsibility for your own actions and do better. Showing that you are willing to take responsibility and face the challenge is one of the best ways to show trust which can help you get closer to friendships. 

Remember, if you want to make friends, it all starts with you. Don’t let the fear of not having any friends keep you from taking action and improving your social life.

17. You tease and annoy people

If you bully, tease or annoy people, it will often lead to toxic relationships or no friends. You don’t want that.

People don’t want to associate with someone who bullies, pushes them around, or tries to control them. As a result, it may be difficult for people to connect with you, making it harder for you to make friends. It might even affect your career opportunities, as no one wants to work with someone who is a bully or manipulator.

18. You need to develop healthier relationships

Nobody wants to be alone, and by treating people better, you can find yourself surrounded by friends again. Maybe you’ve had toxic friends or toxic people in your life who’ve only treated you badly. In fact, maybe you’ve had a pattern to be attracted to toxic people. If you believe this may be true, please seek professional help here. It’s important to learn how to respect people and their boundaries. This is the only way to make sure you don’t end up with no friends and say, “I don’t want any friends” or “why don’t I have any?”

19. Your social skills suck…but can improve

Having good social skills is an important part of making friends. If you don’t have the ability to engage in conversations and communicate your thoughts and feelings in a respectful way, it can be hard to make lasting relationships. It may be time to take a step back and assess your current social skills.

People like to be listened to. Watch a quick video on how.

When we think someone listens, we believe we’re taken seriously, our ideas and feelings are acknowledged, and we have something to share. This is how you make friends!

20. You don’t recognize your bad behaviors

If you find you often come off as blunt or outspoken and you don’t let other people talk, then it’s likely that your social skills need some work. It can be difficult to recognize these behaviors in ourselves, but if we want to make friends, it’s essential that we take the time to identify and address them.

21. Making friends doesn’t happen overnight

Making good friends takes patience and practice. If you feel like you don’t want any friends, it’s important to remember that everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses. We all have something to offer and no one is perfect.

Some studies say it’s estimated it takes between 40 and 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80-100 hours to transition to being a friend, and more than 200 hours together to become a good friend. 

Most importantly, start small by introducing yourself to people and taking the time to get to know them better. As you practice being more open and honest, you’ll be able to find meaningful relationships and friendships.

22. You’re cranky and complain about a lot

If you find yourself complaining all the time, it can easily turn people off, making them think twice about being your friend. People don’t want to be around someone who’s constantly negative. So, if this is how you express yourself, it’s no wonder why you don’t have any friends.

But, it can be difficult when we feel like we don’t have anyone to turn to. It’s important to focus on being positive and letting go of negative thoughts such as “I don’t want any friends”, or “why don’t I have any friends?” or “What if I don’t have any friends?”. Today, start taking control of your thoughts and emotions. It will help you to attract more positive people into your life and create meaningful relationships.

23. People know you’re the gossip

No one likes to be the subject of gossip or rumors. It is a negative thing to do and it won’t lead to making positive relationships in the long run. Now, if you find yourself gossiping about others, consider why you’re doing it and try to put an end to the behavior.

Remember, most people don’t want to be around others who spread rumors and hurtful stories, so think twice before doing so. Lastly, people will assume you talk behind their backs which limit authentic friendships. 

24. You’ve been hanging with the wrong people

One of the main reasons you don’t have any friends is that you’re hanging around the wrong people. It’s easy to be pulled into a group of people who don’t have your best interests in mind. Not only can this be damaging to your personal growth, but it can also lead to further isolation and unhappiness.

Most importantly, to avoid this, find a circle of people who are compatible with you. This means taking the time to find people who share your interests, values, and passions. Think about it—the point of having friends is to foster an environment of understanding and support.

Here are some activities you should consider trying to meet new friends:

• Explore local happenings with Eventbrite events
• Enroll in a class – Go to lessons.com to find a class near you.
• Check out meetup.com – you can find all types of social activities or create a group for your special interest. 

If you want to meet people online, then check out these options:

• friendmatch.com – With FriendMatch, you can make friends from nearby or from around the world.
• Bumble.com – Of course, this is for dating, BUT, you can also learn how How to Make New Friends Online (Without Making it Weird)

25. Maybe you’re emotionally unavailable

If you find yourself constantly saying, “I don’t have any friends” or “I don’t want any friends”, chances are that you are not letting people into your world. When we keep our walls up and prevent ourselves from being vulnerable, it can be difficult for us to form meaningful connections with others.

In fact, we may never know what could have been if we allowed ourselves to trust and be open with other people, so it’s important to take the risk and let people in. Doing so will create more opportunities to make true friendships and expand your circle.

26. You’re standoffish and have RBF

Having RBF aka resting bitch face, can be intimidating and standoffish for those around you. People may assume you’re unapproachable and unfriendly, seeming too intimidating. Also, your expression may look like you’re not interested in talking. This could contribute to you not having the social life that you would like to have, especially when out socializing.

Most importantly, remember that your facial expressions don’t define you and there are steps you can take to work on how you appear to others.

27. Carrying a conversation is difficult for you

Making friends can be a difficult endeavor if you don’t know how to start or carry a conversation. Starting a conversation is one of the most important skills you can learn in order to create meaningful connections with others. If you want free social skill tools, check out our post here. 

For many people, the fear of not being able to initiate or engage in a conversation holds them back from making new friends. It may be time to start looking into developing your conversational skills.

Now, with some practice and patience, you can learn how to start conversations and keep them going, leading to potential new friendships.

28. You’re not going to the right social activities

If you’re constantly asking yourself “why don’t I have any friends?” or “What if I don’t have any friends?” then you simply aren’t attending the right social events. Going to social events that align with your interests and hobbies is a great way to make friends. Now, going to the right social events, for you, can place you in an environment where people are likely to share the same interests, creating the opportunity for natural conversations.

In addition, attending almost any social event can help you step out of your comfort zone and meet people who could potentially become lifelong friends. Most importantly, don’t let the fear of not having any friends stop you from meeting people – you never know who you might meet!

29. Schedule time with people you already know

Creating friendships takes time and effort, and it is important to make sure you are scheduling time to spend with people in order to create strong lasting friendships. Having a set time to meet with people can also help you to build deeper connections with acquaintances. So, schedule time to chat, set aside distractions, and focus on getting to know each other better. This can help you to create stronger bonds and more meaningful friendships.

Additionally, spending time together regularly can remind both of you of the importance of your relationship and help to keep your conversations fresh.

30. You don’t small talk…It’s soo important

Making small talk is an essential part of making friends and forming relationships. It’s an important way to show interest in someone, break the ice, and build a connection. Learning how to make small talk can help you meet new people and make them feel comfortable.

Start by introducing yourself, and then asking open-ended questions. Listen to their answers and ask follow-up questions to show you’re truly interested in what they have to say. Ask questions about their interests, hobbies, or current projects. Show genuine curiosity and be prepared to share a bit about yourself as well.

To learn more about how to ask better questions, check out our post on open-ended questions. 

31. You’re not leaving the house to socialize 

It’s understandable if you feel the thought of going to social events is a bit daunting. However, that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on creating new friendships. There are plenty of ways to stay connected.

You could reach out to friends and family via video call, text, or even old-fashioned letters. Taking part in group activities like virtual game nights or movie nights. This can also be a great way to keep in touch with your social circle if you’re not up for going out.

32. Social anxiety can limit friendships

Social anxiety can be a debilitating social condition, making it hard to form and maintain meaningful relationships with others. Again, social anxiety can cause intense fear and discomfort in social situations, making it difficult to interact with others. People with social anxiety may find themselves avoiding social situations because they feel overly self-conscious in social settings. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, and prevent people from maintaining current relationships with friends.

Lastly, people with social anxiety may worry about how others perceive them and may find themselves avoiding new situations and people.

If you think you have social anxiety symptoms take this test to learn more.

33. Lack of self-confidence limits friendship

Some people find it hard to believe another person would want to be their friend, or that they would be able to maintain a friendship. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and can further prevent them from forming meaningful relationships.

Again, this can be due to social anxiety or another mental challenge. This can be a difficult condition to live with, and it can have a significant impact on relationships and friendships.

Most importantly, remember there are many ways to cope with and to take steps to build and maintain meaningful relationships. It may take some time and effort, but with the right support, it is possible to manage social anxiety and form and maintain friendships.

34. Being timid stops you in your social tracks

It can be difficult to form connections with others if you’re not comfortable expressing yourself. Also, opening up and sharing intimate details with people you don’t know very well, and can prevent you from forming close relationships.

In addition, it can also be difficult to engage in conversations with strangers or even acquaintances, which can hinder your ability to form friendships. In fact, timidity and shyness can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity, which can further limit your ability to make new friends. This can be a huge obstacle in forming lasting friendships. 

Learn more about how social anxiety can affect your life here. 

35. You want close friends but haven’t found them yet

Having a close group of friends is far better than having a lot of friends. It’s better to have a few people that you can rely on and trust, rather than a large group of acquaintances. With a close group of friends, you can create a strong bond and have meaningful conversations, which is something that you wouldn’t get from having a lot of friends.

Again, a close group of friends will be there for you when you need them and you can feel comfortable talking to them about anything. They can also offer support when you go through difficult times and you can rely on them for help and advice. Having a close group of friends is great for your mental health and overall well-being. They will make sure you feel valued, appreciated, and never alone.

36. You’re not ready for new friends

Making new friends can be a difficult process, especially when one isn’t ready to do so. It can be intimidating to put oneself out there and get to know someone new, and it can be difficult to open up and trust someone.

So, take a step back and assess why you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious about meeting new people, or why you don’t have the emotional energy to forge new relationships. It’s also possible you’ve had negative experiences in the past and are wary of getting hurt again. It is okay to take time to process these feelings and take a break from putting effort into making new friends. 

37. Your personality needs some work

It takes more than just the ability to be friendly and outgoing. Having a good personality is key to making, and keeping friends. Evolving your personality can help you become more confident and comfortable in social situations. So, start by thinking about your interests, hobbies, the values you find important, and the qualities that make you unique.

Next, work on being more open and honest. Being yourself and opening yourself up to people can help establish trust and build strong relationships. In addition, learning to listen carefully and express yourself clearly and thoughtfully is significant. Practice being an active listener and asking thoughtful questions to get to know people better.

Finally, practice being kind and compassionate. Show your friends that you care about them by being a good listener, offering advice and support, and just generally being a good friend.

38. You’re asocial. Making it difficult to make friends

Being asocial can significantly hurt your chances of having friends. Asocial individuals tend to have difficulty making and maintaining social connections. In addition, they’re often seen as unapproachable or uninterested in connecting with others. It’s difficult for someone who is asocial to form relationships since people may be reluctant to approach them. Or may not understand why they are not interested in socializing.

Again, someone who is asocial usually avoids social interaction and is inconsiderate of or hostile to others. Get some professional help if this might be you.

39. You have a lack of self-awareness

Without knowing your own strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs, it can be difficult to build meaningful relationships. If you don’t understand yourself, it’s very possible you won’t be able to effectively communicate with others about who you are. Also, you may be unable to recognize when someone is not a good match for a friendship, with people who don’t share your values or don’t treat you with respect.

Now, if you don’t recognize the importance of self-awareness, you may end up in a cycle of unsatisfying and unhealthy relationships. Self-awareness is essential to forming meaningful, healthy, and lasting friendships.

40. You might have an anti-social personality

People with ASPD often lack empathy and tend to be impulsive and manipulative, which makes it difficult to maintain close relationships. Those with ASPD may also display aggressive and violent behaviors, which can make it difficult for others to want to be around them. Additionally, those with ASPD typically have difficulty with trust and may be suspicious of others, making it difficult to form friendships.

Also, people with ASPD may also struggle with communication, which can make it difficult for them to interact with others and form meaningful relationships.

Ultimately, ASPD can limit friendships because of the associated symptoms, which can make it difficult for those with the condition to form close relationships.

41. You have friends but don’t appreciate them

Having friends in life is a great blessing, but it is possible to not appreciate them. Also, people can become too caught up in the daily grind of life and forget to make time for their friends. Make sure to keep in touch with them. Even if it is just sending a quick text or making a call, staying in touch with your friends ensures that you will remain close, building a bond.

Keeping up with your friends also shows them you care and value friendship. It’s important to take the time to appreciate your friends. Finally, it is important to remember that friends can also be a great source of support making it easy to forget how much your friends can do for you in times of need. 

42. You live in the wrong place for friendships

It can be hard to make strong friendships when you don’t live in the right place. But don’t despair! Even if it’s not easy to find friends in your area, there are still lots of ways to make meaningful connections. You can try online communities, join groups or clubs that focus on your hobbies, or even just reach out to people you’ve met in passing. You never know what kind of amazing friendships you could make when you put yourself out there.

43. Mental challenges stop you from meeting people

Mental health challenges can make it difficult to meet new people and develop meaningful relationships. It can be hard to open up to others or leave the house. Also, it can also be hard to keep up with relationships that already exist.

Again, mental health challenges can make it hard to stay in touch with friends and family or make plans to follow through. In addition, it can be tough to explain why you’re acting differently, or why you’re not able to participate in social activities you used to enjoy. Most importantly, remember it’s OK to take things slow and to prioritize your mental health. Most importantly, it’s OK to reach out for help and to take breaks when you need them. 

44. You have super high expectations of people

Having high expectations of people can be a great thing, as people can strive to live up to them. However, it’s important to remember not to have expectations that are too high, as this can lead to disappointment and frustration. Instead, focus on realistic ideas that friends can meet. And, be understanding and supportive of the people in your life. Encourage them to do their best, but also to be kind because if you have a high expectations of friends they simply can’t attain, it won’t be a good friendship.

If you have certain expectations like returning calls and listening, that’s totally understandable. However, if it’s something extreme, you might need to rethink your expectations of people. 

45. Family stops you from having friends

Family can be a great source of support and love in our lives, but it can also prevent us from forming relationships with other people. Families often expect us to prioritize them over our social lives, which can make it difficult to build meaningful friendships.

If you have kids or a need partner, you need to carve out time for yourself to have a life outside of your home. It can feel like you’re drowning. But, it’s important to remember we need to foster friendships, even if it means taking time for yourself outside the family to make it work.

46. You’re not patient enough to make friend

Making friends can be a challenging process, and it’s understandable if you don’t feel like you have the patience or energy to do so. Most importantly, remember that forming meaningful relationships takes time and effort, so don’t get discouraged if you don’t find a friend right away. Also, you may find taking small steps such as introducing yourself to people in your community or joining a club or organization can help you build up the confidence and patience needed to make new connections.

47. You’re unable to be vulnerable with others

Having difficulty being vulnerable can be a challenging and somewhat isolating situation. It’s important to remember you don’t have to open up to everyone you meet. Instead, focus on finding friends who will accept and support you as you are. Take your time, don’t rush into anything, and be kind and patient with yourself. With some effort and understanding, you can find people who make you feel safe to open up and be vulnerable when the time is right. When you do feel safe, open up. It will make the friendship bond stronger.

48. You believe strongly in “best friends forever”

Believing that friendships will last forever is a nice thought, but unfortunately, it’s not always the case. Life can be unpredictable and people’s circumstances change. People may drift apart, leading to the end of a friendship, personalities change, people move, etc. However, that doesn’t mean the memories and good times shared between friends aren’t valuable, they are cherished forever. Take this as an opportunity to start over, even though hard, to meet new people. 

49 You’re not willing to develop friendships

Not having the desire to work at developing current friendships can reduce your chances of making meaningful friendships. Now, developing relationships takes effort and time, but it is worth it in the end. It could be as simple as getting to know someone better over coffee, or as involved as finding common interests. Regardless, it is important to make the effort to reach out and build on the current relationships, especially if you want to have meaningful friendships.

50. Be open to new experiences to create friendship

Saying yes to new opportunities can help you create connections with others and can lead to exciting adventures. Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone, take a leap of faith, and be spontaneous. You never know what amazing experiences and relationships may come from it. However, if you’re not, you can be missing out on meeting good-quality people. 

51. Leave your comfort zone to make friends 

Leaving your comfort zone allows you to gain self-confidence and open opportunities to make friends. There’s not a lot of room for adventure and excitement in your comfort zone. Especially when it comes to making friends. You’ll no longer say, “I don’t have any friends,” but you’ll experience personal growth even though it can sometimes be scary.

Remember, facing unfamiliar challenges can make you happier and more fulfilled in the long run. 

52. “I don’t want friends anymore”

Feeling frustrated about not having any friends is something many people feel. It’s not easy to make friends or find people we have a lot in common with quickly.

Now, one of the main reasons we made friends so easily when we were in school is because we spent 8+ hours a day around the same people. It was much easier to have conversations and be around people long enough to realize commonalities and go through similar experiences. 

Most importantly, you can still do that as an adult however, it will take longer. Go to events or social activities weekly, see the same people, and have conversations. Eventually, you’ll find people you like, and become good friends. 

53. “I’ll never have friends”… be patient 

The Fisherman’s Friend study found it takes about 34 hours of investment to shift from a more superficial acquaintance to a true friendship. In addition, the average friendship requires about 11 interactions and each one should last about three hours. With this investment of time, making a friend takes about five and a half months. So much longer than a cup of coffee.

Casual friendships emerge around 30 hours, followed by friendships around 50 hours. Good friendships begin to emerge after 140 hr. Best friendships do not emerge until after 300 hours of time spent.

Stay motivated … 5 benefits of having friends

1. Having friends offer a healthy support system which is important for your mental health.

2. Supportive friends can increase the chances of you doing daily tasks such as exercise and eating well.

3. Friendship is also linked to less loneliness. With friends, you’re better able to cope with stress and less likely to experience stress.

4. Your friends can also offer emotional support and can assist in validating emotions, listening to problems, and do things to help you feel better. 

5. Lastly, friends can help you feel like you belong to something creating purpose and connection in life.

Is it bad you don’t have any friends?

It’s important to know the difference between “I don’t need friends” and “I don’t have friends.”

If you are ok without friends, then it’s likely you’re fine. But having a support system of some sort is always good. And, it’s also important to know that being on your own has a lot of benefits too. Spending time by yourself has been linked to some positive effects such as:

• Increased creativity
• Higher concentration and memory
• More self-awareness
• Additional time for yourself and personal growth

Surprisingly, to many people, spending time alone or having space from friendships or partners, can improve relationships. Giving yourself time to re-energize is important and healthy for your overall life. See more about being alone below. 

What research says about having no friends?

The social scientists Virginia Thomas and Margarita Azmitia tested their predictions about the importance of different kinds of reasons for being alone seen in their research in 2019. 

In the Motivation for Solitude Scale, participants were asked, “When I spend time alone, I do so because…” and then indicate the importance of each of 14 reasons. 

Answers from the two categories of reasons were mixed together when participants answered the survey. See below.

Examples of the positive (intrinsically motivated) reasons for spending time alone:

• It’s so enjoyable when it’s quiet.
• I’m able to engage in activities that really interest me.
• I value the privacy.
• It helps me stay in touch with my feelings.
• Being alone helps me get in touch with my spirituality.

Examples of the negative (extrinsically motivated) reasons for spending time alone:

• I’m feel anxious when I’m with others.
• Don’t feel liked when I’m with others.
• Can’t be myself around others.
• I regret things I say or do when I’m with others.

People who were alone for negative reasons had a worrisome profile because they were more likely to experience loneliness, depression, and more socially anxious.

How important is alone time for mental health?

Finding time to be alone has a lot of benefits:

Personal exploration

Being able to become comfortable with yourself, giving yourself the time and space to explore what you’re interested in without interference. 

It can be a way to try new things, meet new people, read about topics that interest you, go to new events,  and even participate in new ways of expressing your feelings.

Creativity

Being alone offers you the opportunity to think outside the box and let your mind wander. Without the need to answer to anyone, you can focus inward and what makes you feel good.

Research says being alone can lead to changes in the brain that help fuel the creative process. 

Social energy

Some research says they found that people who live alone sometimes have a better social life and more social energy than people who are consistently around people.

Aloneness vs. Loneliness

Research suggests people are experiencing more loneliness now than they’ve has in the past.

According to one 2018 report, half of Americans feel lonely sometimes, while 25% report feeling lonely almost all the time.

Feeling lonely is linked to many negative health consequences including a higher risk for depression, anxiety, obesity, high blood pressure, and early death.

But it is important to remember that being alone doesn’t mean loneliness. Loneliness is usually a negative feeling which is related to isolation, however, alone time involves feeling free, inspired, and recharging in peace by yourself. 

More recently, researchers are now diving deeper into the idea that quality alone time might be just as vital for emotional and physical well-being.

What you can do right now

Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more) Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “I don’t have any friends?” or “I don’t want any friends!”

But you’ll feel more confident, prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.