10 Simple Ways To Get Someone To Talk To You Again.
It can be hard to get someone to talk to you again, especially if two people left on bad terms. If you haven’t spoken in a while working up the courage to reach out can be intimidating.
If you’re wondering how to talk to someone without being annoying or desperate then you’ve come to the right place. Below are 10 simple strategies that can help get someone to talk to you again. These aren’t tricks to manipulate people to fall in love with you but are objective strategies and healthy approaches to communicate more effectively, without being desperate.
Let’s get started. Below are the 10 strategies that can help get someone to talk to you again.
#1. Give them enough space to figure things out.
You won’t get someone to talk to you again if you’re constantly texting or calling them. Leave them alone. A relationship will never work if you’re clingy or needy. Too much of any one person can make us clingy and co-dependent. That’s why taking time away from each other can be good for the overall relationship, especially communication. Most importantly, space allows people to calm down, limit emotional reactivity, and allows people to communicate clearly when ready.
The challenge a lot of people have is respecting the boundary of space. Most people have a hard time hearing, “I don’t want to see you right now.” or “I need time to be by myself.” If you want to get someone to talk to you again, learn to give them space. Let them breathe and take care of themselves. Then try to come back, and communicate your thoughts later.
#2. Learn how to have a conversation.
You’re at a networking event or friends party where everyone is talking, laughing, exchanging contacts. And you’re standing off to the side thinking, for the hundredth time, “I can’t hold a conversation.”
Time to change your mindset. Find out if you have social anxiety or if you’re just awkward.
#3. Learn the power of asking the right questions.
The right question can open the door to almost anything. But you need to ask the right questions. After you’ve given enough space, consider improving the questions you ask during the next conversation. Here are 5 examples:
“Tell me what your week has been like” is better than “Did you have a good week?”
“What can I do better next time?” is better than “What did I do wrong?”
“What are 2 things we can do differently to better communicate?” is better than “How can you communicate?”
“What are the reasons you’re not talking to me?” is better than “You’re not talking to me?”
“Can you help me understand a little better?” is better than “What are you talking about?”
“I wasn’t aware of that piece of information. I’d like to dig into that a bit more.” is better than “I don’t know what you’re talking about. what dod you mean?
These questions can open up a conversation in a positive way. The tone is less aggressive but more empathetic and can provide feedback you need to hear to make you a better person.
Lastly, when you ask questions it’s important to be sincere and calm. The person you’re trying to talk to again will not want to engage if you’re frustrated or impatient. You don’t want to say something you’ll later regret, or get stuck on trying to prove you’re right, ultimately losing sight of the bigger picture. Stay on a productive path.
#4. Learn to be likable and charismatic.
How will you be able to get someone to talk to you again if they don’t like you? Here are 4 rules you can follow to become more likable:
Charisma Rule #1 Be easy to talk to, make the other person feel comfortable. If you were stuck in an airport with someone who would you want to be with? Someone easy to talk to and is fun to be with. Be that person.
Charisma Rule #2 Empathy goes a long way. Understand what the other person is feeling. Are they angry or sad? Remember to use empathy statements such as. “It’s not easy what you’re going through and I’m sorry you feel this way.” The follow up with additional questions such as, “what can I do to help you?”
Charisma Rule #3 Focus your attention, your thoughts, and feelings on the person you’re talking to. This is called being present. It’s obvious if you’re not paying attention or your thoughts are elsewhere. Put your phone away for a few minutes so your full attention is on the conversation.
Being able to relate to someone, understand what they’re feeling, and listening, actually makes you more approachable. It especially makes you more likable. No one wants to talk to someone who always talks about themselves, ignores others, and gets easily offended. This will all help during your conversation.
#5. Get a life. Meet other people and take care of yourself.
Yes, get a life. Stop obsessing on how to get someone to talk to you again. Go out and get a life. This means to make other friends, find hobbies, exercise, meditate, travel, etc. Again, if you can’t get someone to talk to you again, then take some time away to heal or just give yourself space.
Lastly, think about getting therapy. Being able to talk to someone who you trust and can process with might be a great way to move on.
#6. Be more interesting by having experiences.
Being interesting is another way to get someone to talk to you again because you’ll have more to talk about. Sometimes once we finally get a life and become more independent from other people, we start to do more interesting things. Travel, making new friends, move to another city, or learn a different language, etc.
People are more interesting when they take more chances, have more experiences, and learn about themselves. Someone who is worldly and emotionally intelligent is much more attractive. With experiences, you’ll have a perspective that is unique compared to your friends and will be able to contribute to a conversation on a different level.
Ask yourself, “How am I feeding my life so I can develop my own unique perspective?”
Being vulnerable can help you be more honest with yourself and with the person you’re trying to talk to. If you make your partner feel inadequate they’ll withdraw. Use “I Statements” that express your feeling’s needs or wants. This focuses on what you are trying to accomplish rather than your partner’s shortcomings. Here is an example:
“I feel like you don’t care about me when you don’t talk to me for two weeks. I need to feel that you care about me by contacting me somehow.”
Being vulnerable means that you’re sharing your true self. You’re being real without hiding behind a wall so people can see you in a certain way. This is hard to do. But, if you express yourself with honest intentions and the person reacts negatively, then you should step back and reconsider the path of the relationship.
Lastly, own your part. If you’ve made a mistake, then own it. Rather than getting defensive, say something like: ”I owe you an apology for not communicating on my end. Let’s talk about how we can move forward to make our relationship better and that this doesn’t happen again.”
#8. Don’t interrupt. Care about what they’re saying.
If you’re trying to get someone to talk to you again. DON’T INTERRUPT THEM. I know you want to, especially if they’re “wrong”. But put you’re emotions aside for a moment and listen. Sometimes people just need you to listen.
One of the worst things you can do is interrupt someone because you think they’re wrong. If you don’t want to strain the relationship, even more, stop yourself from interrupting. Stay calm and breathe. Taking a few deep breaths can help you stay out of reactive mode.
Be aware of emotional contagion. Emotional contagion is the phenomenon of having one person’s emotions and behavior directly trigger similar emotions and behaviors in other people. If one person gets heated up, it’s easy for another person to become emotionally triggered and before you know it, you have two people swinging punches.
#9. Learn how to end a conversation the right way.
When trying to get someone to talk to you again it’s a good idea to have a plan after the first conversation. Keep in mind what your goals are?
- To say I’m sorry
- To talk about feelings and insecurities about the relationship
- What you want from the other person
- The direction you want the relationship to go
When you finish the conversation with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, figure out what to do next. If it goes well, decide if it’s worth pursuing the relationship. If it is, then here are some examples you can ask for a second interaction:
“It’s been great talking with you again. I’d like to continue talking over coffee next week?”
“I’m glad we talked today, how do you feel about meeting next week to talk more?”
“The relationship with you is important. I’d love to stay in touch and meet up soon.”
If your first interaction has gone well. Consider using the above statements. If it doesn’t, then more space might be a good idea.
#10. Be able to handle rejection. Try to prepare for it.
Some people feel less afraid of rejection if they admit it’s a possibility and they have a plan in place to deal with it. When trying to get someone to talk to you again, it’s important to realize things might not go your way. They may not want to talk to you. But, that’s OK. It will hurt but it will be OK and you’ll eventually move on in a more positive direction.
Just because someone might not be ready to talk to you now, they may be ready to later. You want to be able to leave a conversation on the best terms possible.
Here are a few ways to handle rejection:
- Give yourself time to feel down about it.
- Go do something really fun, exercise, talk to a friend who will listen.
- Challenge self-critical thoughts about yourself.
- Find a therapist.
- Think about how important rejection can be. Rejection can open the door to new friends, jobs, travel, and more. Challenge yourself to see the positive of a rejection.
Bonus: Keep an open mind.
Lastly, keep an open mind. People who are able to open their minds to new ideas and new experiences are more likely to be happy and accepting of the change. So, before you have a conversation with someone you’ve been trying to talk to, think about 3 tips below:
- Let go of control. Challenge your current beliefs by letting go of control. If you believe you’ll be okay no matter what the outcome, you won’t feel the need to micro-manage the situation.
- Accept change. Opening up your mind to new experiences, different life paths, how to communicate feelings, and new perspectives are important.
- Be honest. Be honest enough to admit that you don’t have all the answers and that things may not go your way. Find the audacity to ask questions and to express what you really want.