Last updated on November 5th, 2023 at 09:42 pm
“I used to be social now I’m awkward”
Have you ever walked into a room and felt like you’ve suddenly forgotten how to be the social butterfly you once were? If the thought, “I used to be social, and now I’m awkward,” resonates with you, you’re not alone. It’s like you’ve lost your rhythm in the dance of conversation, and each interaction feels like you’re stepping on someone’s toes—awkward, uncomfortable, and a little disheartening.
But here’s the thing: social skills are just that—skills.
And the beauty of any skill is that it can be relearned, honed, and polished until it shines once again. There isn’t an exact formula, but there are strategies that can ease the journey back to your social self.
In this blog post, we’re not just going to throw a life raft out to you in the sea of social awkwardness; we’re going to teach you how to swim through it. We’ll delve into the reasons behind this shift in your social finesse and offer you a guide to navigate through those awkward moments.
In this post we’ll uncover methods and actionable steps you can take to level up your communication skills, making it easier for you to talk to people and find joy in the connections you make.
So, before we dive into the how, let’s take a moment to understand the why.
Why is it important to rekindle your social spark? Simply put, humans are wired for connection, and fulfilling interactions can be a huge boost to our well-being.
Let’s embark on this journey of rediscovery together and turn those “I used to be social” blues into a vibrant social revival.
From Social Butterfly to Awkward: What’s Happening?
The feeling of “I used to be social and now I’m awkward” means that you’ve noticed a change in how you interact with others. It’s like you’ve lost a step in your social dance—not quite catching the rhythm you once moved to with ease. This shift can stem from various life changes, such as transitioning to a new environment, personal growth, or even just falling out of practice.
It’s a common experience and nothing to be ashamed of.
Social skills are malleable; with a bit of patience and practice, you can rediscover your confidence and reconnect with your once-effortless sociability.
Remember, it’s okay to feel awkward as you’re finding your way back to being the social person you remember.
Keep in mind …
Understanding the Shift: Dive into the psychological factors that can turn a once-confident socializer into someone grappling with awkwardness, from lifestyle changes to increased self-awareness.
Strategies for Re-engagement: Practical steps to help you regain your social stride, including how to gently re-expose yourself to social settings and rebuild your conversational confidence.
How do you talk to people and WHY it’s important?
Mastering the art of conversation is a valuable tool that can enhance every facet of your life. Gone will be the days of lamenting, “I used to be social, now I’m awkward.”
Here’s why polishing your social skills matters:
- Nurturing Personal Connections: Building and maintaining relationships hinge on open, heartfelt conversations.
- Professional Growth: From daily team huddles to high-stakes networking, the ability to articulate your ideas is vital.
- Thriving Socially: Whether it’s casual catch-ups or festive gatherings, seamless interaction is key to enjoyment.
- Career Advancement: Clear communication of your vision and decisions becomes increasingly important as you climb the career ladder.
- Romantic Relationships: Long-lasting love relies on the capacity to express your desires and emotions effectively. A breakdown in this area often leads to the unraveling of a partnership.
Armed with the knowledge of why communication is a cornerstone of your social structure, we’re ready to guide you through the essentials.
In the following sections, we’ll share what we believe are the most impactful tactics to hold enriching conversations and truly connect with those around you.
Step 1: Get a Kickstart: Prep Before You Socialize
Warming up for a conversation is a key part of having a good conversation. You should feel confident, relaxed, and prepared before you go into a social situation.
Getting ready for a conversation is a bit like setting the stage for a performance; it helps you transition from the wings of awkwardness to the spotlight of social grace. It starts with a mental warm-up: a moment of deep breathing to quiet the nerves and a dash of positive self-talk to set a confident tone.
Imagine the upcoming interaction, run through some topics in your mind, and remind yourself of your past social triumphs. This backstage preparation doesn’t just equip you with topics and tactics—it ignites the spark of your inner socialite, ready to engage, charm, and connect once you step into the social scene.
Remember, it’s not about perfection, but presence—showing up as your most prepared and authentic self.
Step #2: Choose a Social Scene That Sparks Joy
Finding your tribe can feel like a breeze when you align it with your interests. Engaging in activities you genuinely enjoy naturally puts you at ease and provides common ground for conversation, making those initial exchanges feel almost effortless.
Let’s say board games are your jam— a quick search for “board game meetups near me” can unveil a host of opportunities right at your doorstep. Websites like Meetup.com serve as a treasure trove for pinpointing events that resonate with your hobbies and passions.
Once you’ve picked an event that feels right, the next step is to ease into the conversation. It could be as simple as choosing the right spot, like opting for a seat at the bar when dining alone to increase the chance of a friendly chat.
Or, if you’re at an event, keep an eye out for natural openings to join a conversation, like a group discussing your favorite game or a shared laugh over a funny moment.
Remember, the best interactions often come from just being present and ready to join in when the moment feels right.
Step #3: Ask Better Questions
This is very easy to do!
It’s also the backbone of a great conversation are open-ended questions. If you’re not asking the right questions you won’t keep people interested.
Once you introduce yourself and finish your opening, you now have to carry the conversation. What you say next can decide whether the conversation succeeds or fails.
Here are 4 basic fundamentals to becoming a better questioner:
- Use open-ended questions that start with, “What” and “Tell me more about”.
- Ask questions about the person’s life. People love to talk about themselves.
- Be able to actively listen by mirroring, complementing, ask follow up questions
- Surprise people with your questions. Take your questions to the next level.
Here are open-ended questions you can use to spark longer and deeper conversations. Also, don’t be afraid to try different conversation starters, especially if they’re fun!
- Tell me what you’re watching on Netflix?
- What are some travel plans you have coming up?
- What are some things you like to do in your spare time?
- What type of music or songs puts you in a good mood?
One question we really like is: “I’m not from the area, what do you suggest I do this weekend?”
This gives someone the chance to help you which many people love to do. When they suggest places or activities build up the confidence to invite them along.
Protip: If you want to take your questions to a Pro Level then become more observant. If you can learn to start a conversation based upon what’s around you then you’ve become a different level communicator.
If you have tunnel vision, ask yourself, “What do I see around me?” Use what you observe or notice as a conversation starter.
“Oh, nice shoes”
“Hey, isn’t the food great?”
“What a beautiful view.”
“I love your makeup!”
Etc, etc, etc, etc.
The next time you’re in a room, just notice things. Practice here! Look below, what do you notice in the picture? What do you observe? What would you comment on?
If you’re still asking yourself, “how do you talk to people?”, Try making observations with the picture below and come up with things to say!
Step 4: Tune In: The Power of Active Listening
When it comes to active listening it’s important to give as much of your energy as possible to the person you’re talking to. Try to make them feel like they’re the only person in the world. You can do this by positioning yourself toward them. Point your body in their direction and lean forward.
You can also be more empathetic, comment enthusiastically at the moment, and compliment what’s being talked about.
Here is an example:
You: “I had a great weekend and I finally booked my trip to NYC and I’m so excited!”
Them: “That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you. You deserve this trip. Take plenty of pictures and send them to me! I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
THEN! Ask a follow-up question such as, “What are you most excited to see in NYC?”
Here are some other tips you should keep in mind when actively listening.
Focus on the person: Giving someone your undivided attention is a huge compliment.
Use eye contact: But not so much that you look like you’re having a staring contest.
Use body language: Nod your head, smile, point your body in their direction.
Be empathetic: Put yourself in their shoes.
Step 5: Forge a Genuine Connection
Don’t let anyone take up all of your time either. Most importantly, don’t feel bad or guilty about leaving a conversation if you don’t feel good about it. Be a little selfish because your time is important.
If you want to truly establish a quality connection, sometimes a simple invite does the trick. Simply ask the person if they want to continue speaking another time. Save this strategy for people who you feel a real connection with.
Or, ending the conversation by asking, “What can I help you with?”. This will make a bigger impact on the other person leading to a more meaningful relationship.
Here are some things to say:
“Because you’re visiting for the first time, here is a list of great places to visit in town.”
“Since I’m familiar with people in that industry, I can introduce you to people on LinkedIn.”
“Since you’re going to NYC for vacation, I can send you a list of my favorite local restaurants.”
This part of the conversation is where you decide if you want to go further with the conversation. Create deeper relationships with people whom you sincerely want to connect with after a conversation.
“I Used to Be Social, Now I’m Awkward” Reclaim Your Confidence
Step 1: Conversation Warm-Up: Think of warming up for a conversation like stretching before a run. It prepares your mind and eases tension, setting the stage for a smoother social experience. Before you step into the limelight of a social setting, take a moment to breathe deeply.
Envision positive outcomes of your interactions. You might rehearse a friendly greeting or remind yourself of past successful chats to boost your confidence.
Step 2: Dive Into Comfortable Social Waters: Imagine social activities as different beaches you could visit. Some might have rough waves (intimidating, high-pressure events), while others offer a gentle tide (events where you share common interests with attendees). Choose the latter, where you feel at ease—like a book club if you’re an avid reader. Starting conversations here comes as naturally as swimming in calm waters. For instance, “This novel had me hooked; which character resonated with you?”
Step 3: Crafting Conversations with Open-Ended Questions: Steering a conversation with open-ended questions is like being a skilled captain navigating the vast sea of dialogue. Instead of asking yes/no questions like “Did you like the movie?”, try “What did you think about the movie?” This invites elaboration and shows genuine interest, encouraging a deeper exchange.
Step 4: Be Present and Connect: True connection in conversation is like a dance—when one partner moves, the other follows. When you’re with someone, be all there. Lean in slightly to show engagement, nod and react to show you’re listening, and drop a compliment or a thoughtful comment to validate the exchange. Your attentiveness makes the person feel like the star of the show, forging a stronger bond.
Step 5: Extend an Invitation to Continue: Sometimes, a chat feels like a preview to a show you don’t want to end. When the connection is palpable, extend an invitation to continue the conversation at a later time. This could be as simple as “I’ve really enjoyed our talk about photography. Would you be interested in continuing it over coffee next week?” Use this move discerningly, reserving it for interactions that truly resonate with you.
This summary doesn’t just list steps—it’s a map for those feeling lost on their social journey.
It’s normal to feel awkward after being out of the social game. By following these steps, you are acknowledging where you are and taking actionable, empathetic strides towards where you want to be.
Remember, social skills are like any other—they can be rusty after disuse but shine brightly once polished.
FAQs for Navigating Social Hurdles
Why am I not as social as I used to be?
You might feel less social due to many factors, including life transitions, stress, changes in interests, or a shift in your social circle. It’s a common experience for social dynamics to change as we navigate through different phases of our lives.
Will I grow out of being socially awkward?
Social awkwardness isn’t necessarily something you grow out of without effort; it’s more about developing your social skills. With practice, reflection, and possibly guidance from social skills training or therapy, you can enhance your social confidence and reduce feelings of awkwardness.
Do I have social anxiety or am I just awkward?
Social anxiety and social awkwardness can overlap, but they’re not the same. Social anxiety is a persistent fear of social situations that can cause significant distress and affect your ability to function. If you’re merely awkward, you might stumble in social settings but not experience the intense fear or anxiety that disrupts your daily life. If you suspect social anxiety, consider seeking a professional assessment for appropriate support and strategies.
What strategies can help me manage social situations that I find overwhelming?
Feeling swamped at social events is common. Tackle this by starting with small gatherings and working your way up. Assign yourself a simple role at events to ease into interactions. If anxiety spikes, step aside, breathe deeply, and regroup. It’s about pacing yourself and recognizing that it’s okay to take a breather.
What you can do right now
Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more). Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “I used to be social now I’m awkward””.
But you’ll feel more confident, and prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.
Or, click below to check out our social skills course!
