“I hate my friends!”
Have you ever said, “I hate my friends!” Well, it’s been said there are three kinds of friends: friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.
Throughout life, we meet people who we like and don’t like. The ones we like, stick around for a while who we share experiences with. People sometimes become lifelong partners who help through tough times and others, are just seasons. They’re around for a little bit and then things change.
This is all normal. However, it can become frustrating when you feel like you’re current social circle isn’t meeting your needs or you’ve outgrown them in some way.
If you’re saying, “I hate my friends!” or “why do I hate my friends?” then you’ve come to the right place.
We want to tell you why you hate your friends and what you can do about it. And, most importantly, how you can make new friends.
Let’s do this!
1. You’ve outgrown your friends or they’ve changed
We believe the first reason you hate your friends is because you’ve just simply outgrown the friendships around you. This is quite common and is an indicator you’re growing as an individual, or, maybe the people around you are outgrowing you. Either way, this is normal.
In addition, this might happen because you have fewer things in common or don’t have many shared experiences anymore. One study suggests many people replace their friends every 7 years.
Gerald Mollenhorst, an assistant professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, discovered only about 30 percent of our closest friends remain tried and true after seven years, and 48 percent remain in our immediate social network (meaning we actually talk to or hang out with them on occasion).
However, the size of our network remains the same, which means out with the old and in with the new.
2. Interests and experiences change over time
As we said, people outgrow each other. And one of the main reasons is the different interests people acquire as they develop. We might not want to hang out to talk about the topics that are usually talked about. Or, you might be more interested in climate issues as opposed to anthropology or sports.
“But more often than not, she says, friendship breakups are the result of people gradually growing apart, which means there isn’t a standard conversation that ensues. The relationship may need to come to end because of factors outside of the friendship — like distance or differences in lifestyle — or because one or both friends have strained the bond by mistreating the other.” Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical therapist who specializes in young adult and adult friendships.
We believe one of the main reasons you say, “I hate my friends!” is because you’ve just simply outgrown the people around you. This is quite common and an indicator you’re growing as an individual. Again, this might happen because you have fewer things in common to talk about or don’t have many shared experiences anymore.
The Spheres of friendship
As you get to know someone you’ll find more common interests. And, the areas you have in common are called “relevance”. The closer your spheres of interest are, the more likely, you’ll like someone and you’ll become friends. Find the relevance!
3. You’re not compatible with your friends
Friends who are compatible are happy and tend to do more things together. Now, this means they’re likely to attend different social events together or share experiences in some way, especially new experiences.
If things are rocky within the friends group or the friendship, you’re probably not making many appearances together and want to hang out with other people. This doesn’t bode well for your friendships, because healthy social circles have a buzzing social life together.
Now, if people in your social circle are not on the list of first people you call when you want to share something, it says a lot about your social circle.
Also, if you’re not looking forward to telling them about a big moment at work, you’re not likely to be compatible in a long-term friendship. At the very least, it shows that you aren’t the best of friends.
4. You’re not ready to break up your friendship
Any kind of breakup can be painful. But, the hardest might possibly be having to break up with a friend. You might realize that, for your well-being, you have to call it quits on a friendship that is no longer serving you.
If you feel like your friend group isn’t healthy or fulfilling, it can help to explore those feelings. Maybe your gut instinct makes sense, or maybe it’s worth another shot with this friend. Lastly, if you need someone to talk to about those feelings, seek professional help if you think you need more guidance.
5. Your circle of friends are toxic or boring
Signs of a toxic friendship include:
- Putting you down and in front of other friends down
- Gossiping and lying
- Pressuring you into things you’re uncomfortable with
- Not listening to you when you try to set boundaries
- Conversations are never equal
- They’re not happy for you when good things happen for you
- Talking behind your back.
Now, if the idea of being honest within your friends group makes you feel anxious, sick, or scared, it is a good sign you’re in toxic or abusive relationship. In addition, don’t put yourself through that friendship anymore. It is most likely time to move on.
6. Friends come and go and that’s normal
Remember, people change. Initially, you may bond with someone because they live in the same town, go to the same college, or you work together. But people evolve, and you realize you may not have much in common as you did in the past. Also, your friend may not make as much time to call you or ask you to hang out. Or, you may be the one not returning your friend’s texts as often.
If you feel you’ve naturally grown apart, it may be for the best to have a discussion about how to move on or try to repair the friendship. Decide what you want or try to end things on good terms.
7. You might be sabotaging your friendships
Two friends might be drifting apart. But one friend may try to communicate but is met with silence and an unwillingness to engage. If one person isn’t open to communicating about friendships, it’s probably a sign to move on. They’re not worth your time if they’re ghosting you without communicating feelings.
8. They’ve made new friends and you’re jealous
When your friends start making new friends, it can be hard not to feel jealous. But don’t let your jealousy get in the way of their happiness. Their new relationships can open up new opportunities and experiences they wouldn’t have had if they weren’t branching out.
Instead of dwelling on your envy, you should be encouraging them to pursue these social connections and support them as they form bonds with new people. Invite them to hang out with your own friends and introduce them to your circle. That way you can be there to witness the amazing memories they make together. You may find that you gain friends of your own in the process, too!
Finally, remind yourself that there is enough friendship and love in the world for everyone to enjoy. A positive outlook will help you find happiness in the friendship your friends have made and in finding new ones of your own.
9. Your friends have been overwhelmingly needy
Having a close group of friends is one of life’s greatest gifts. But, sometimes, when your friends are overly needy, it can be draining and overwhelming to be around them. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to set boundaries for yourself and your relationships. You should never feel obligated to constantly be there for someone or put the needs of others before your own.
Next, take some time to reflect on what you need and what kind of support you want in return. Communicate these needs with your friends and be honest with yourself about what you’re willing to give. If they truly care about you, they will understand and respect your boundaries. Let them know that while you value their friendship, it’s important that they give you the space to take care of yourself.
Lastly, all relationships require some level of give and take, but ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what works best for you. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself first.
10. When friends are toxic…it can be bad
“why do I hate my friends?” We all have people in our lives that make us feel less than our best. Unfortunately, the presence of a toxic friend can have a hugely negative impact on our mood and outlook. A friend who is always negative can bring you down and, over time, make it harder to be motivated and productive. Also, it can also be difficult to cope with their constant pessimism and bring out feelings of guilt or frustration.
The good news is that you don’t have to accept this behavior from your toxic friend. Their negativity doesn’t have to define your relationship and it doesn’t have to define you. It’s important to recognize the impact their behavior has on you, take steps to protect yourself, and set boundaries for your friendship. It’s okay to set limits on how much you are willing to tolerate from them and be honest about how their negativity affects you. It’s also important to communicate these boundaries clearly and be firm in enforcing them.
11. Anxiety might be why you hate your friends
We all have people in our lives that make us feel less than our best. Unfortunately, the presence of a toxic friend can have a hugely negative impact on our mood and outlook. A friend who is always negative can bring you down and, over time, make it harder to be motivated and productive. It can also be difficult to cope with their constant pessimism and bring out feelings of guilt or frustration.
If you think you have anxiety, take a test to learn more here.
12. You might be depressed…pushing people away
Depression is an incredibly common mental health issue, yet it often goes unrecognized and can be difficult to talk about. Identifying the signs of depression early and seeking help can make a huge difference in the long run. It’s okay to not be okay; reach out for help if you need it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or think you may be struggling with depression, it is important to talk to a healthcare professional or mental health provider.
If you think you may have depression, take a test to learn if you have symptoms.
There are many resources available to help you manage your mental health, such as therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, and more. Taking the steps necessary to face your depression will help you in the long run. You are not alone; there are people who understand and can help you through this time. Depression is serious and can be why you’re pushing people away and you say, “I hate my friends!”
13. You project insecurities onto friends
Everyone has insecurities, and it can be easy to project those insecurities onto others. When we do this, it can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. It’s important to recognize when we’re doing this and work to stop it before it causes any damage. This can be a major reason why you say, “I hate my friends”.
Now, a great way to begin is to recognize the source of your insecurities and take steps to address them. This can mean talking with a trusted friend, seeking therapy, or taking other proactive steps. Once you have done this, you will be better able to recognize when you are projecting your insecurities onto others and be better equipped to handle the situation.
In addition, it’s important to recognize when someone is projecting their insecurities onto you, and take steps to create boundaries or communicate your feelings in a respectful and productive way. Taking these steps can help us all create healthier relationships and become more secure in ourselves.
14. “I hate my friends” because they’ve used you
It can be disheartening to discover that a friend has been using your connections, knowledge, and experience to advance in some way.
However, recognizing that you’ve been manipulated is an important step in learning how to spot and protect yourself against these kinds of people in the future. It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault, and it’s best to focus on the lessons you’ve learned, rather than the betrayal. Understanding what happened and how you allowed it to happen will help you recognize similar behavior in the future.
If you find yourself in this situation it is important to distance yourself from any manipulative behavior and set boundaries so that these people can no longer take advantage of you. Establishing clear boundaries is key—if someone is manipulating you, it is important to be firm but polite when communicating what is acceptable behavior and what is not.
Finally, remember that it’s not about the person manipulating you—it’s about recognizing how they were able to manipulate you in the first place.
15. You’ve had too many bad experiences
We’ve all had bad experiences with friends. But, don’t let those experiences stop you from being open to new relationships. It’s important to remember that not everyone is the same and you can’t judge someone else based on the mistakes of others.
Also, everyone has the potential for greatness, and if you take the time to get to know someone, you may find that they are a great person.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to open up to new experiences because you don’t know what rewards could come from them. You could find a great friend, a new opportunity, or even true love. Don’t let past experiences limit your potential for future joy, but take chances and be open to new people, and you won’t regret it!
Let’s reflect on why you hate your friends:
After you decide to stay friends with the people in your friendships or move on from them, you might feel anger, sadness, loneliness, or anxiety about the people you’re friends with.
But, the first thing to keep in mind is to take care of yourself. Reflect on what you want, and think about what it is you’re really feeling. Also, ask yourself the question, is it better to move on and make new friends or try to repair your friendship circle and set boundaries.
Not all of your friendships will work out
It’s natural to form friendships with people and it’s also natural to question if those friendships will last. Not all of your friendships will work out, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. It’s completely normal and okay to move on from a friendship if it no longer serves you.
Now, it’s important to recognize when certain relationships are no longer beneficial and have negative effects on your life. Don’t be afraid to let go of a friendship if it’s hindering your growth in any way. You don’t have to stay in a toxic friendship just because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s important to make sure you’re listening to your intuition and taking care of yourself. You will naturally learn from any friendships that don’t work out, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you find fulfilling relationships that bring joy and peace into your life.
It’s time to move on …
It’s time to move on, if you say, “I hate my friends”, but they’re holding you back. It can be difficult to break away from people who have been so influential in your life, whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues. But sometimes, it’s necessary to make a change in order to make progress and move forward. It takes courage to step out of your comfort zone and take a risk, but it can be so rewarding. You’ll be able to pursue your passions and find a new direction that you didn’t think was possible before.
Also, you will be able to develop new relationships with people who are more supportive of your goals and dreams. Taking the first step may be daunting, but it’s worth it in the long run. Now, embrace the fear and uncertainty of the unknown and just keep pushing forward. Lastly, believe in yourself and know that you have what it takes to achieve success and happiness. It’s time to move on and take the necessary steps toward a brighter future.
From “I hate my friends!” to “I’m excited to meet friends”
We have a lot of additional information that you can use by checking out more of our posts. First, if you’ve been out of the game of making friends for a while, check out our post on, “How to get better at socializing.”
But, let’s be honest. Making friends and going to social events, especially by yourself, can be weird and awkward, so check out, “How to talk to people. 10 essential tips.”
Find your tribe. People with the same interests as you
This can be a significant factor in having great conversations and finding people you’re compatible with.
For example, if you love playing board games, search Google for, “board game groups near me” and you’ll get thousands of search results. Or, just go to meetup.com and search for your interest.
Get involved in community events or a social club
These activities can be where you can practice your conversation skills.
Here are some activities you should consider trying:
- Explore local happenings with Eventbrite events
- Enroll in a class – Go to lessons.com to find a class near you.
- Get involved in volunteer opportunities
- Check out meetup.com – you can find all types of social activities or create a group for your special interest.
If you want to meet people online, then check out these options:
friendmatch.com – With FriendMatch, you can make friends from nearby or from around the world.
Bumble.com – Of course, this is for dating, BUT, you can also learn How to Make New Friends Online (Without Making it Weird)
What else can you do right now
If you really feel like your social skills keep getting worse, ask a friend. Talk to a close friend about the feelings you have about how you feel when you socialize.
Prepare more when you go out to socialize. Joining our community and Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more)
We think if you join our community, take our course, or just read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “I hate my friends!” or “why do I hate my friends”. But you’ll feel more confident, and prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.