“I hate socializing!”
We’ve all said this before while at a social event and the boredom creeps in. I hate socializing! Or, you’re having a cringe-worthy conversation that’s sucking the soul from your body and you can’t wait to escape. This is why many people feel like socializing is a chore and is terrible.
Even the most experienced conversationalists encounter moments where they say, “I hate socializing!” Some people just suck at conversations. But for now, we’ll give them a pass.
Keep in mind, you’re here because you have the motivation to understand why you’re saying, “I hate socializing”, and how you can improve. That’s awesome!
We also have a video that quickly goes over the top 5 reasons! But, make sure to check out our post below for more details.
Now, let’s get into the reasons why socializing can be difficult and how you can start enjoying the social activities life presents you.
#1. You hate socializing because you feel anxious
Anxiety is the number one reason why people hate socializing. It can create an unbearable experience. So the natural thing to do is to avoid situations that make us feel overwhelmed.
*But, it’s very normal to feel nervous in social situations. Take a test to find out if you have social anxiety.
However, according to the Mayo Clinic, “some people have a social anxiety disorder, also known as a social phobia, which causes significant anxiety, self-consciousness, and embarrassment in everyday interactions because you fear being scrutinized or judged negatively by others.”
If you’re overwhelmed and feel extreme anxiety find some support among friends or from a professional counselor. Here is a resource you might find helpful.
#2. You’re bored and want to go home
We’ve all been to a social event and couldn’t wait to get home, crawl onto the couch and watch TV because the conversations are boring. You might’ve been hoping to connect with people on a deeper level or make a new friend but you didn’t.
So we don’t blame you for leaving without saying bye to anyone!
Also, boredom is a real problem among people. It can be serious. According to some psychologists, they define boredom as, “an aversive state of wanting, but being unable, to engage in satisfying activity.” Yep, that sounds about right.
Be aware that boredom can be a chronic condition that may lead to depression or other unhealthy activities.
Below we talk about how you can curb boredom. Or, check out our post here on why you hate talking to people.
#3. Socializing is difficult because might be depressed
Being depressed or stressed out can put a huge damper on your social life. According to research, “people with greater depressive symptoms report more frequent negative social interactions and react more strongly to them.”
**Depression can also make you feel comfortable being at home, alone. Take a test to find out more.
So, let’s take a step back and think about this. Don’t put blame on yourself for not being “perfect” in social situations or stress yourself out about potentially being “depressed”. It’s more important to understand where your stress or depression is coming from and to get help.
Or, maybe you’re feeling depressed or stressed because the experience of being social has caused anxiety and self-judgment.
Possibly you were fine before, but now feel miserable and defeated due to being isolated, rejected, or too scared to try to socialize with new people.
#4. You hate your social circle
Let’s be honest with ourselves. We outgrow people.
Our views change and aren’t aligned anymore or they’ve annoyed us beyond repair because their behaviors are inappropriate.
This happens and it’s ok.
If you’re craving new friendships or the only thing you have in common is the past, then maybe it’s time to move on and find a new crew. Or, you might be feeling like your social circle is holding you back and you regret meeting up the moment you sit down with them, then this could be the main reason why you say, “I hate socializing!”
We think if you don’t get excited to have conversations with them or don’t want to share intimate details of your life with them, you might be moving on from the friendship – and that’s okay!
Below is a list of places/activities you can do to meet new people.
#5. You’re not socializing in the right places or with the right people
Here at Loopward, we talk about this idea all the time. If you’re talking with people with who you’re not compatible with you’ll hate socializing. And to make things worse, if you’re at events you hate or meetups that drain your energy, of course, you’ll hate socializing. This makes a huge difference.
If you go to a social event you’re excited about it, you’ll have a higher chance of enjoying conversations and interactions with people.
A few places you might thrive socially:
Wine tasting class
Think about the hobbies you have and check out if there are any groups or events related to them.
Bonus: Underlying reasons why you say “I hate socializing”
Two additional reasons you don’t like to socialize…
Health issues can make socializing very unpleasant. There may be deeper issues in terms of physical and mental health problems, which can increase the difficulty of social interactions.
Having past negative or traumatic experiences. Many people who grew up in a chaotic home may not know the best ways to socialize. The examples they’ve seen presented the wrong habits on how to communicate.
How to enjoy socializing:
4 easy tips you can use to get better at socializing
Even though socializing is fun, it can be difficult and draining. Rather than forcing yourself to socialize, let’s talk about ways to enjoy it.
We can’t promise these ideas below will mean you’ll enjoy every social event but we hope these tips will help you to enjoy more social interactions.
Here are three tips we think you can implement in your life starting today.
#1. Understand what makes you anxious
Although we believe you can learn to enjoy socializing, there will probably be many social situations you won’t want to put energy into.
For example, If you don’t want to socialize at happy hours long into the evenings at a bar then don’t do it.
Like we said above, find a place you think you’ll thrive socially. If you need additional help understanding your anxiety, take a look at how therapy can help.
#2. Learn to use small talk to your advantage
Small talk is one of the main ways you start a conversation. If you learn this skill, you’ll make socializing a bit more fun.
However, not all socializing has to involve lots of small talk. Use small talk to transition to finding out about someone’s passions, interests, and expertise. This can then become a deeper and more interesting conversation.
Here’s our small talk guide that can help kick-start your skills.
#3. Socialize at the same time and same place every week
If you don’t want to think too much when socializing or putting energy into finding what events to attend, try to create a social routine. This can be very helpful if you meet the same people at the same time each week.
Once meeting up with friends becomes a habit, you may find that you feel less anxious. You’ll stop saying, “I hate socializing!” It will become a habit you look forward to rather than hyping yourself up to attend an event, hoping to make friends.
#4. Make sure you find time to recharge so you can socialize
A social event can leave many people tired on a physical, mental, or emotional level. If you’re an introvert, one social event a week is all you need and, then you’ll need time alone to re-charge.
Once you feel energized to socialize, it will make the next social event easier.
Why can’t I be more social?
Have you ever found yourself at a party feeling like a wallflower? Are you thinking, “why can’t I be more social?” The good news is, you’re not alone. The even better news is that there are some things you can do to overcome your shyness and social anxiety. Let’s take a look at a few of them.
We’ve all been there. You’re at a party or meeting new people, and you feel like you just can’t be yourself. Your heart races, your palms start to sweat, and you can feel the blood rushing to your face. You try to think of something clever to say but your mind comes up blank.
So you just stand there awkwardly, hoping that no one notices how uncomfortable you are. Sound familiar?
What you can do right now
Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more) Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “how to make friends in college with social anxiety?”.
But you’ll feel more confident, prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.