“I hate socializing!”
Feeling like a fish out of water at social gatherings? You’re not alone. We’ve all been there—trapped in a yawn-inducing chat or silently screaming, “I hate socializing!” while plastering on a polite smile. Talking with people is like a social workout sometimes, isn’t it? And not all of us are social butterflies fluttering from one conversation to another.
But hey, giving yourself a mental high-five for recognizing that you want to flip the script on your social script is the first step. That’s pretty brave and pretty cool of you.
We’ve even whipped up a snappy video that zips through the top 5 reasons why socializing might feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest without the view. It’s a quick dive, and you’ll probably see yourself in at least one of those reasons—don’t forget to give it a look.
But if you’re really ready to tackle this head-on, stick around for the full story below. In this post we’ll unpack all the nitty-gritty details and serving up some can’t-miss tips that’ll have you weaving through any social maze like a pro.
It’s time to make those “I hate socializing” moments a thing of the past and start finding your groove in the great dance of dialogue.
Ready to chat your way to a better time? Let’s get the party started!
Socializing Not Your Jam? Here’s Why It’s Okay
Disliking socializing often means you’re tuned differently for social interactions, and that’s perfectly okay. It might mean you prefer meaningful one-on-one conversations over large, noisy gatherings. Perhaps it’s a sign you’re more of an introvert, valuing quality time and deep discussions.
It could also mean you haven’t found your ideal social scene yet. Not every social setting fits everyone, and it’s like finding the right pair of jeans—it has to fit just right.
Remember, it’s fine to feel this way, and you’re not alone.
Embracing your comfort zone and gradually stretching it can help make socializing more enjoyable on your terms. It’s all about discovering what makes you feel most at ease and fulfilled in social situations.
The 5 Reasons Behind Your Socializing Discomfort
1. You hate socializing because you feel anxious
Anxiety is the number one reason why people hate socializing. It can create an unbearable experience. So the natural thing to do is to avoid situations that make us feel overwhelmed.
*But, it’s very normal to feel nervous in social situations. Take a test to find out if you have social anxiety.
However, according to the Mayo Clinic, “some people have a social anxiety disorder, also known as a social phobia, which causes significant anxiety, self-consciousness, and embarrassment in everyday interactions because you fear being scrutinized or judged negatively by others.”
If you’re overwhelmed and feel extreme anxiety find some support among friends or from a professional counselor. Here is a resource you might find helpful.
2. You’re bored and want to go home
We’ve all been to a social event and couldn’t wait to get home, crawl onto the couch and watch TV because the conversations are boring. You might’ve been hoping to connect with people on a deeper level or make a new friend but you didn’t.
So we don’t blame you for leaving without saying bye to anyone!
Also, boredom is a real problem among people. It can be serious. According to some psychologists, they define boredom as, “an aversive state of wanting, but being unable, to engage in satisfying activity.” Yep, that sounds about right.
Be aware that boredom can be a chronic condition that may lead to depression or other unhealthy activities.
Below we talk about how you can curb boredom. Or, check out our post here on why you hate talking to people.
“People often struggle with socializing because our brains are wired to protect us from the unknown, and social situations are full of variables. It’s not a lack of skill but a natural self-defense mechanism.
The good news is, like any instinct, it can be trained and managed with practice and patience.”
— Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience
3. Socializing is difficult. You might be depressed
Being depressed or stressed out can put a huge damper on your social life. According to research, “people with greater depressive symptoms report more frequent negative social interactions and react more strongly to them.”
*Depression can make you feel uncomfortable socializing. Take a test to find out more.
So, let’s take a step back and think about this. Don’t put blame on yourself for not being “perfect” in social situations or stress yourself out about potentially being “depressed”. It’s more important to understand where your stress or depression is coming from and to get help.
Maybe trying to make friends is making you feel stressed or even a bit depressed. We get it, feeling crappy is part of the deal when you’re stepping out of your comfort zone.
But it’s key to find a way to manage those crappy feelings so you can start to feel better.
If you want to learn more about how to have conversations with people check out our post on:
4. You hate your social circle
Let’s be honest with ourselves. We outgrow people.
Our views change and aren’t aligned anymore or they’ve annoyed us beyond repair because their behaviors are inappropriate.
This happens and it’s ok.
If you’re craving new friendships or the only thing you have in common is the past, then maybe it’s time to move on and find a new crew. Or, you might be feeling like your social circle is holding you back and you regret meeting up the moment you sit down with them, then this could be the main reason why you say, “I hate socializing!”
We think if you don’t get excited to have conversations with them or don’t want to share intimate details of your life with them, you might be moving on from the friendship – and that’s okay!
Below is a list of places/activities you can do to meet new people.
5. You’re not in the right places or with the right people
If you’re talking with people with who you’re not compatible with you’ll hate socializing. And to make things worse, if you’re at events you hate or meetups that drain your energy, of course, you’ll hate socializing. This makes a huge difference.
If you go to a social event you’re excited about it, you’ll have a higher chance of enjoying conversations and interactions with people.
A few places you might thrive socially:
- Meetup.com
- Comic-Con
- Cooking Class
- Toastmasters
- Wine tasting class
- Dog parks
- Eventbrite.com
Think about the hobbies you have and check out if there are any groups or events related to them.
Bonus: Underlying reasons why you say “I hate socializing”
Two additional reasons you don’t like to socialize…
Health issues can make socializing very unpleasant. There may be deeper issues in terms of physical and mental health problems, which can increase the difficulty of social interactions.
Having past negative or traumatic experiences. Many people who grew up in a chaotic home may not know the best ways to socialize. The examples they’ve seen presented the wrong habits on how to communicate.
How to Enjoy Socializing:
4 easy tips you can use to get better at socializing
Even though socializing is fun, it can be difficult and draining. Rather than forcing yourself to socialize, let’s talk about ways to enjoy it.
We can’t promise these ideas below will mean you’ll enjoy every social event but we hope these tips will help you to enjoy more social interactions.
Here are three tips we think you can implement in your life starting today.
1. Understand what makes you anxious
Although we believe you can learn to enjoy socializing, there will probably be many social situations you won’t want to put energy into.
For example, If you don’t want to socialize at happy hours long into the evenings at a bar then don’t do it.
Like we said above, find a place you think you’ll thrive socially. If you need additional help understanding your anxiety, take a look at how therapy can help.
2. Learn to use small talk to your advantage
Small talk is one of the main ways you start a conversation. If you learn this skill, you’ll make socializing a bit more fun.
However, not all socializing has to involve lots of small talk. Use small talk to transition to finding out about someone’s passions, interests, and expertise. This can then become a deeper and more interesting conversation.
Here’s our small talk guide that can help kick-start your skills.
“Even for the timid, socializing can become a source of joy rather than anxiety. It’s about creating small, positive experiences that build your comfort zone outward. It starts with a smile, a hello, and progresses from there. The key is to set realistic expectations and celebrate each step forward.”
— Dr. Susan Cain, Author and Expert on Introversion
3. Socialize at the same time and same place every week
If you don’t want to think too much when socializing or putting energy into finding what events to attend, try to create a social routine. This can be very helpful if you meet the same people at the same time each week.
Once meeting up with friends becomes a habit, you may find that you feel less anxious. You’ll stop saying, “I hate socializing!” It will become a habit you look forward to rather than hyping yourself up to attend an event, hoping to make friends.
4. Make sure you find time to recharge so you can socialize
A social event can leave many people tired on a physical, mental, or emotional level. If you’re an introvert, one social event a week is all you need and, then you’ll need time alone to re-charge.
Once you feel energized to socialize, it will make the next social event easier.
‘Why’ Questions Answered About Socializing
1. Why do I feel drained after socializing?
It’s likely you’re experiencing what’s known as social fatigue, which is especially common if you’re an introvert. Social events can be energy-zappers for you because they require constant engagement and a level of stimulation that’s exhausting. It’s like running a marathon for your brain! Remember, it’s totally normal for social butterflies to need a break too.
2. Can disliking socializing mean I’m antisocial?
Not at all! Preferring less social interaction doesn’t make you antisocial; it could mean you’re selectively social or introverted. Being antisocial is more about a disregard for social norms and the feelings of others, which is different from simply feeling uncomfortable or uninterested in socializing.
3. Why do I prefer being alone over being in a group?
Enjoying your own company often means you find peace and recharge in solitude. Groups demand continuous interaction, which might not be your thing, and that’s okay. It’s like choosing a quiet cup of coffee over a bustling party—both have their joys, but one might just feel more ‘you’ than the other.
4. Is it normal to dislike small talk?
Absolutely, small talk isn’t everyone’s favorite pastime. It can feel superficial or repetitive, and that’s a common reason why some people dislike socializing. You might crave deeper, more meaningful connections, and small talk can seem like the appetizer when you’re ready for the main course.
Still thinking…”Why can’t I be more social?”
Still thinking about yourself s a wallflower? The good news is there are some things you can do to overcome your shyness and social anxiety. Let’s take a look at a few of them.
Also! We have more information about how to socializing better and action steps. Don’t just stand there awkwardly, hoping that no one notices how uncomfortable you are. Sound familiar? Check out our post here about why you can’t socialize.
What you can do right now
Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more) Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “how to make friends in college with social anxiety?”.
But you’ll feel more confident, prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.
