The secret behind ‘How to Not Be Boring’

It’s all about keeping the spark alive in conversations, being genuinely curious about others, and embracing continuous learning. It’s not about putting on a performance; it’s about being present, listening actively, and sharing stories that resonate.

When you combine authenticity with a dash of enthusiasm, you become someone others love to be around!

Let’s dive deeper into how can one achieve it:

Ditch the Distractions: In a world full of pings and buzzes, be the person who puts the phone down and really tunes in. It’s simple but revolutionary. Your undistracted attention is rare and refreshing—it makes people feel like they’re the only ones in the room.

Ask the Unexpected: Skip the “What do you do?” and go for the “What’s something that made you smile today?” It’s engaging, it’s warm, and it invites stories, not just answers. This approach to inquiry can turn a chat into an unforgettable exchange.

Be a Story Collector: Every person you meet is a library of untold stories. Encourage them to share, and you’ll be known as the great conversationalist who brings out the best in others. Plus, you’ll gather a wealth of tales to share and relate to in future talks.

Drop the Mask: Authenticity is magnetic. Share your quirks and embrace your unique perspectives. People gravitate towards those who are unapologetically themselves. It’s like saying, “Here I am, flaws and all,” and trust me, it’s compelling.

Embrace Your Inner Comedian: Humor is a universal solvent. Even the dullest topics can become entertaining with a pinch of wit. Don’t be afraid to be funny or share a laugh—it’s a surefire way to make any conversation lively and memorable.

Echo with Empathy: Listening is good, but understanding is better. Reflect back what you’re hearing, not just the words, but the feelings behind them. When people feel understood, they open up, and that’s when discussions get really interesting.

Being engaging and interesting ISN’T about grand gestures or a constant stream of entertainment.

16 Charm-Boosting Tips to Not Be Boring

1. Learn how to carry a conversation

The easiest way to learn how to not be boring is by confidently carrying a conversation. You can learn more here in one of our other posts.

First, you need to develop the mindset, practice conversation starters, and engage with the person you’re talking to. We have several posts to get more ideas and examples.

To avoid coming off as boring, remember that holding a conversation isn’t just about dominating the dialogue. It’s equally about active listening.

Being a captivating conversationalist involves:

• Truly engaging with the speaker and demonstrating genuine interest.
• Proactively asking insightful questions. (Memorize some go-to conversation starters)
• Boldly sharing your perspectives without overpowering the discourse.
• Introducing intriguing tidbits or anecdotes that can ignite further discussion.

2. Ask above-average questions

Asking questions beyond basic questions can make you stand out and be remembered. Most importantly, it will make you more attractive.

Also, people love to talk about themselves, which is normal. Ironically, this makes you more interesting.

A conversation is a dance that requires partners to be in sync—it’s a mutual push-and-pull that unfolds over time. Just as the way we ask questions can facilitate trust and the sharing of information—so, too, can the way we answer them.

So, asking someone questions makes them feel validated and sparks a mood-boosting hormone, dopamine. Studies suggest encouraging people to talk about themselves will make them more memorable and you’re more interesting.

Action Step: ⭐Read our 40 Conversation Starters Here

3. Prepare a few stories to tell people

A sure way to learn how to not be boring, and that you’d never have a boring conversation, and leave a lasting impression on people, is by telling a story.

⭐ Remember: People are naturally drawn to stories. They’re the bridges that connect us, leave lasting memories, and set us apart. People will remember you.

Stories and facts can often become powerful motivators. 

To steer clear of the “boring” tag, having a repertoire of engaging stories is key. These tales not only enliven conversations but also make you memorable. Here’s how to curate them:

• Recall Unusual Events: Think of quirky incidents or surprise encounters that had an impact.
• Structure: Begin with a hook, delve into details briefly, and conclude with a twist or lesson.
• Test and Refine: Share with a friend; their reactions can help polish the narrative.
• Match the Mood: Tailor your story’s theme to fit the conversation, be it light-hearted or reflective.

4. Use small talk to share your thoughts and interests

Knowing how to not be boring and be interesting has benefits that are endless. People are drawn to interesting individuals, who can offer unique perspectives, opinions, and good small talk.

“When you show curiosity and you ask questions, and find out something interesting about another person, people disclose more, share more, and they return the favor, asking questions of you”. It sets up a spiral of give and take, which fosters intimacy.” Says, Todd Kashdan, PhD

5. How to not be boring? Say “yes” more 

Saying yes to new experiences can help you become a more interesting person and open you up to a world of possibilities.

Research has found that people who say yes to new experiences tend to be more open-minded and creative.

So what types of experiences should you be saying yes to?

It could include anything from:

• Trying a new hobby or cuisine
• Attending a cultural event, or taking a weekend trip.
• It’s about getting out of your comfort zone and embracing something new.

To make sure that you’re having meaningful experiences, it’s important to be intentional about the activities you participate in.

Overall, saying yes to new experiences can help you become more open-minded. It will also give you the opportunity to learn new skills and explore different cultures.

So why not say yes and make the most out of life?

Saying “Yes” will … 

• Open you up to new opportunities
• Invite more positive collaboration.
• Create a safe environment to try, fail, learn, and innovate with others
• Make life more fun! 

6. Get a haircut/hairstyle and new clothes 

One way to make a great first impression and be less boring is by sprucing up your look.

• Getting a new haircut
• Buying or thrift some clothes which can do wonders for your appeal!
• Not only will these changes make you look more interesting, but they can also boost your confidence.

Plus, if you’re looking to make an impression, wearing clothes that make you feel confident can definitely help.

So if you’re looking for ways to become more interesting and attractive, get a haircut and edit your clothes!

This small change can make a big difference in how others see you and help you attract attention in the best way possible.

Getting a haircut can be transformative, making you more interesting looking, and more attractive. Your hairstyle has a measurable effect on your physical attractiveness.

Knowing your face shape can offer you valuable insight into which hairstyles will make you the most attractive.

7. Have a 1-year goal to not be a boring person

Think about what you’d like to accomplish in the next 12 months, whether it’s learning a new language, taking on a new volunteer project, or even finding a new job.

By having something to talk about, you can go beyond small talk and be more interesting to those around you.

Research shows that having goals and actively working towards them can increase your self-confidence, make you feel more engaged with life, and help build meaningful relationships with others.

By setting one-year goals you’ll have:

• Something interesting to talk about and people will find you far more engaging.
• You’ll also be able to benefit from the confidence boost of achieving goals
• Gain new experiences that will make you even more interesting.

8. Accomplish something uncommon or unordinary

Doing something out of the ordinary is not only exciting and rewarding, but it can also help you develop skills and qualities that will benefit you in the long run.

Research has shown that people who challenge themselves are more successful and happier in life. Making you less boring and more interesting.

By taking on a unique challenge, you’ll not only become more interesting but also gain more confidence, increase problem-solving skills, and open yourself up to new experiences.

For example, if you decide to travel to a new country:

• You’ll learn about the culture and customs of that place
• Develop communication skills
• Gain an appreciation for different perspectives.
• You may even get inspired to pursue your passions or take on a new career path.

9. Read, listen to podcasts, take courses. Always learn

Learning something new is a great way to become more interesting.

You can learn by:

• Reading books
• Listening to podcasts
• Watching videos, and researching topics that you’re interested in.
• Learning will open your eyes to new perspectives and ideas that can spark interesting conversations.

Most importantly, you can meet new people while learning about a topic.

Especially, if you go to an event, you’ll have plenty to talk about since you’re there for the same reason.

In addition, learning will give you a better understanding of the world around you. You can become more well-rounded which can make you more interesting.

Take time out of your day to gain knowledge and have experiences that come with learning. 

Check out Udemy, a website to learn whatever you can think of!

10. Take a trip for interesting experiences

Take a break out of your comfort zone and explore new things.

Going on a journey can not only open your eyes to new cultures but also help you become more worldly.

Research shows that people who are more open to traveling and experiencing new cultures have a greater sense of self-awareness and a more interesting personality.

You don’t have to go far to reap the benefits of a journey. For example:

• Take a road trip with friends or family, or even just explore your own city.
• When you travel, you open yourself up to new ideas and experiences
• You’ll become more knowledgeable and cultured.

Plus, new experiences can give you stories to share with others which makes you more interesting. You might even pick up some new hobbies or skills along the way.

Don’t be afraid of venturing out and discovering new places. 

Let go of the fear of being boring, and take a trip to become more interesting. 

11. Start a side hustle or new hobby

Starting a side hustle or taking up a new hobby is a great way to learn how to not be boring.

Not only is this a great way to make some extra money, but it will also give you something interesting and unique to talk about. You can even use it as a way to meet new people who share your same interests. There’s no need to feel bored or uninteresting anymore.

Taking up a new hobby or starting a side hustle is an easy way to have more things to talk about during conversations.

40% of Americans have a side hustle in 2022, says Zapier

Research has shown that having hobbies and side hustles can help with your overall mental health and well-being. This is because when you are engaged in an activity you enjoy, you are more likely to be in a better mood and be able to express yourself better.

Additionally, having something interesting to talk about can make conversations more dynamic and engaging – which makes you appear more interesting and exciting.

12. Have progressive ideas and opinions

Demonstrating thoughtfulness and open-mindedness is a sign you’re intelligent and interesting.

Research shows that having progressive ideas and opinions can help you stand out from the crowd, show your creativity, and express yourself.

To become more interesting, start by:

• Reading up on current events
• Keeping up with objective news about culture, music, and humanity.

Lastly, be open to discussing different topics with those around you.

You don’t have to agree with them, but being able to have open conversations will show that you are open-minded and willing to listen.

13. Be vulnerable

Are you still wondering how to not be boring? Well, by being open and honest about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, you can draw people in and make yourself more captivating.

It’s known that allowing yourself to be vulnerable is actually beneficial for your well-being, as it cultivates trust, connection, and understanding between people.

“Vulnerability can be the driving force of connection”

In addition, being vulnerable gives people an insight into who you are and what you stand for. It allows you to open up and share experiences that can be exciting and inspiring to those around you. By being vulnerable and allowing yourself to explore new ideas, you can become more interesting to those around you

14. Be sincerely curious about others

So, being curious seems to protect people from negative social experiences, like rejection, which could lead to better connections with others over time. 

Studies have found that people who are curious are often viewed in social encounters as more interesting and engaging. In addition, they’re more able to talk to a wider variety of people. 

15. Practice phrases in a new language

Learning a new language can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. Not only does it open up a world of culture, literature, and travel opportunities, but it also makes you more interesting in the eyes of others.

Most importantly, being able to converse with people in different languages, even just a little, can broaden your social circle and enrich conversations with people.

Learning another language is an investment that pays off in many ways!

16. Talk about your future plans, life vision

Exploring and discussing our life plans or vision can make us more interesting to others. Also, it gives us an opportunity to display our creativity, our ambition, and our passion for what we want to achieve in life.

Most importantly, sharing these goals with others can also be inspiring, as it demonstrates the different paths that people may take to reach their dreams.

And, by taking the time to think about our future plans, we can gain a better understanding of who we are and what we want out of life.

More quick tips: how to not be a boring person

• Try something that scares you: Take on a project or take a trip you’ve been hesitant about
• Think about your passions: knowing your passion can drive conversations with others
• Learn two jokes: Have a couple of good jokes, funny quotes, or funny sayings
• Take improv class: Taking an improv class will teach you to think faster and better on your feet

The secret juice to not being boring is …

In one study by Todd Kashdan of George Mason University, participants were paired to engage in an intimacy-building conversation.

The pairs took turns asking and answering a series of questions that moved from less to more intimate in nature—e.g., If you could invite anyone, living or dead, for dinner and conversation, who would it be and why? When did you last cry in front of another person? 

Participants filled out questionnaires and measured:

• Curiosity, positive and negative emotions, and social anxiety levels.
• The participants rated how attracted and how close they felt to their conversation partners.

Results showed the participants were more attracted and felt closer to curious people than those who were less curious. Curiosity still had a unique link to higher intimacy scores, suggesting curiosity is a trait that might aid social closeness.

“Being interested is more important in cultivating a relationship and maintaining a relationship than being interesting; that’s what gets the dialogue going...It’s the secret juice of relationships.” Says Todd Kashdan.

Are you boring? 10 boring personality traits

Passivity: A person who lacks initiative and prefers to go with the flow rather than take charge or make decisions.

Indecisiveness: Someone who struggles to make choices and often finds themselves stuck in a state of indecision.

Pessimism: A consistently negative outlook on life and a tendency to focus on the worst-case scenarios in any given situation.

Rigidity: A person who is resistant to change, inflexible in their thinking, and unwilling to consider alternative perspectives.

Conformity: An individual who always seeks to blend in and adhere to societal norms, avoiding standing out or challenging the status quo.

Lack of curiosity: A disinterest in learning new things or exploring unfamiliar subjects, leading to a limited range of knowledge and experiences.

Unadventurousness: A preference for routine and familiarity, avoiding risks or venturing into new and exciting activities or experiences.

Inflexibility: A person who has difficulty adapting to unexpected circumstances or adjusting their plans when faced with unforeseen challenges.

Lack of humor: A person who rarely appreciates or engages in humor, finding it difficult to see the lighter side of life or make others laugh.

Apathy: A general lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern about things happening around them, often resulting in a passive and unengaged demeanor.

Why are you so boring? 5 serious reasons

1. Upbringing and environment: Growing up in an environment that discourages creativity, risk-taking, or individuality can lead to the development of a boring personality.

Strict parenting styles or social pressures to conform may stifle a person’s ability to explore and express themselves.

2. Fear and insecurity: Fear of failure or rejection can hinder individuals from stepping out of their comfort zones and engaging in new experiences.

Insecurity about one’s abilities or self-worth can also contribute to a lack of enthusiasm and a tendency to play it safe.

3. Lack of stimulation and challenge: If individuals consistently face monotony, lack opportunities for growth, or are surrounded by a dull and unstimulating environment, they may develop boring personality traits as a result of limited exposure to exciting or novel experiences.

4. Low self-esteem and self-confidence: Individuals who struggle with low self-esteem may feel reluctant to take risks, assert their opinions, or engage in social interactions that could potentially make them stand out. This can result in a more passive and uninteresting demeanor.

5. Negative thinking patterns: Pessimistic thinking patterns can dampen one’s enthusiasm and outlook on life, leading to a more boring and uninspiring personality.

Constantly focusing on potential failures or negative outcomes can inhibit the willingness to try new things or embrace the excitement. If you’re feeling depressed or anxious, check out how to cope using therapy.

 “My conversations are boring”

1. You talk about the weather too much

Instead of merely commenting on the weather, use it to segue into discussions about activities, memories, or even how it affects mood and productivity. It’s a launchpad for deeper conversation.

2. Talking about work or school = boring

Sharing experiences from work or school provides a window into personal challenges and triumphs. Dive into specifics, ask for stories, or relate to broader life lessons to keep things interesting.

3. You don’t say anything that interesting

It can be easy to fall into a mundane conversation pattern, but there are ways to make your conversations more interesting. With just a few simple steps and a little creativity, you can make your conversations more stimulating and engaging by using a few techniques.

Such as asking thought-provoking questions or sharing interesting stories. Take a look at 15 charming techniques you can use here.

4. You’re not talking about what excites them … like sports

Find common ground with sports or other hobbies. Enthusiasm is contagious, and when you tap into topics people love, conversations naturally become more lively.

5. You forget to talk about their personal lives

Having meaningful conversations can be difficult, especially when it comes to talking about our personal lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. By taking the initiative to ask open-ended questions and talk about topics that are close to your heart.

This will help you build deeper connections with the people around you and make your conversations more enjoyable.

6. Ask more open-ended questions 

Having meaningful conversations with loved ones can be incredibly rewarding and satisfying, but unfortunately, it can be difficult to maintain. A recent study found that many people struggle with having stimulating conversations, as they often don’t ask each other questions or share any meaningful thoughts.

By asking thought-provoking questions, engaging in active listening, and being mindful of the topics you discuss, you can keep your conversations dynamic and engaging. Take a look at how Harvard can tell you’re talking too much.

8. Learn to Talk About Them 

The most common complaint people make after having a conversation, is “I wish they asked me more questions.”

Talking about them (the T.AT. method) means exploring the other person. Who are they, what do they do, and why they’re at this particular event. A good way into the conversation is any basic question or compliment that gets them to start talking.

9. Don’t get too serious, keep it light 

Despite feeling like our conversations lack the necessary depth and meaningfulness for how much we care about each other, it’s important to remember that conversations don’t always have to be serious or profound to be meaningful.

10. Talk about feelings and experiences

Vulnerability can open up a conversation to a whole new level. Such as, “I feel so excited to see my family this weekend!”

If you think it’s appropriate to express yourself or talk about more vulnerable feelings then give it a try. Try to keep it positive too.

“I’m so happy it’s Friday! I had a stressful week and I’m happy to be chatting with you ”
“Mondays are so tough but I’m ready to take on the week. How’s your day going?”

“I had a tough weekend with family and reconnect with them soon. Have you had any challenges with family?”

What else can you do right now?

If you feel like your social skills keep getting worse, or are feeling depressed, talk to a close friend or a professional counselor about the feelings you have.

Or, you can prepare more when you go out to socialize. Joining our community and Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more)

We think if you join our community, take our course, or just read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “how to not be boring”, but you’ll feel more confident, learn a few more social techniques, and how to set boundaries.

You got this!