“No one wants to be my friend”
Do you say, “no one wants to be my friend?” If yes, it’s a tough feeling to deal with, especially if you don’t know why or how to manage the feelings. It can be confusing because maybe most of your life it’s been easy to make friends but now things seem to be different.
However, in this post, we talk about the 10 reasons why you might feel like no one wants to be your friend.
Sometimes it may be how you’re approaching people, but maybe there’s a deeper issue you’re not aware of. Or, we can help you learn the social skills that can benefit you significantly.
If you want to quickly find out the reasons for not having friends, check the video below.
The 12 reasons “No one wants to be my friend”
1. Your approach to socializing isn’t working … yet
If you’ve been trying to make new friends and you’re feeling awkward, then maybe the social strategies you’re using don’t work. Once you’ve improved your social skills you might be saying, “no one wants to be my friend” a lot less.
As we reach different parts of our lives, the scene or social environment will change, along with how people interact with each other. Also, the type of conversation you’re interested in might not align with the people you’ve always socialized with. People and personalities change or don’t. We outgrow each other sometimes.
Or, you’ve never had to small talk before. It could be challenging for you to start a conversation because you never really had to, especially if you grew up with people you’ve been friends with since childhood.
Remember, this is common and something you can get better at.
Lastly, one of the things that can shift your social life is where you do it. A lot of people are networking or trying to find friends in the wrong places. Check out more tips here on what you can do to meet people.
2. Anxiety can hold you back from making friends
Making new friends can be difficult for people with social anxiety. But, when social anxiety is intense and persistent, it becomes social anxiety disorder (SAD).
If you have anxiety and you feel crippled when trying to socialize, this can be the cause of you feeling like “no one wants to be my friend”. This can be very difficult to deal with on your own so talk to a doctor or seek a therapist.
Also, anxiety can cause a high amount of worry, which can affect a person’s confidence, leading to fewer friends.
Anxiety could be the reason you’re saying “no one wants to be my friend”. But in reality, you’re a great person and just need to start taking steps to move forward with the challenge of social fears or deeper issues.
3. If you’re a shy introvert, it’ll be hard to make friends
It can be difficult for someone who’s an introvert to make new friends because getting to know someone takes a lot of energy. However, introverts don’t need a large group of friends. But, if you outgrow your circle of friends, you might start to feel alone or desperate to socialize.
A few signs you’re an introvert:
- Enjoying time alone
- Steering clear of others
- Not being able to explain your thoughts clearly
- Enjoying low key social events
Introverts can make friends but just need to know where. An introverted person enjoys activities they can do with just a few others. They also prefer activities that allow for creative expressions, like music, writing, or art. So take a moment to think about where you’d feel comfortable making friends and how.
Image by Science of People
4. You haven’t found the right friends … yet
Science of People says, “The more commonalities you have, the more relevant someone is to you”.
There are a few things you might be feeling.
You’re either feeling like you haven’t found the right people to hang out with or it’s the opposite, you don’t have any friends and you feel depressed.
If you haven’t met people you click with yet, that’s normal and ok. You’ll make it happen if you’re consistent. One of the things you can do is find an activity you like and consistently go to that event. In time, there’s a high chance you’ll meet people you’re compatible with.
5. You have fair-weather friends
A fair-weather friend means they’re someone who’s only your friend if you give them something they need, and there is no reciprocation. For example, the fair-weather friend asks you to listen to their life issues and they complain endlessly, but they then don’t ask you how things are. The friendship is surface-based.
Also, if you only have surface-based friendships, this could mean you have people in your life who you’re friendly with but it doesn’t go beyond a “no-commitment dialogue” says, Dr. Peter M. Kalellis. “Hi there, how are you? I haven’t seen you for a while. Were you on vacation?”
6. You keep these friendships at an arms-length
You may feel anxious about getting too close to someone, opening up, or concerned they’re using you.
However, if you’re willing to take a risk, the most rewarding relationships and conversations tend to happen when you move beyond the surface. If you want to move beyond surfaced-based friendships then you’ll have to open up a bit more. One way to do that is to be open and honest with a friend before they are, especially if you want the friendship to move forward and be more meaningful.
Lastly, always make sure you feel comfortable opening up. Don’t pressure yourself to do so until you have a bit of confidence and you like the friend enough.
7. You’re not socializing in the right places
If you’re talking to people you’re not compatible with, you’ll hate socializing. And to make things worse, if you’re at social events you hate or meetups that drain your energy, of course, you won’t make friends easily, and it can be the main reason you say, “No one wants to be my friend”. This makes a huge difference.
If you go to a social event you’re excited about it, you’ll have a higher chance of enjoying interactions with people and making new friends.
A few places you might thrive socially:
Wine tasting class
Think about the hobbies you have and research if there are any groups or events related to them. See more below!
8. You’re not asking the right questions to make friends
We think it’s a good idea to stop asking yourself, “why does no one want to be my friend”, but you should be asking the following:
“How can I meet people where I’ll feel most confident.” And, “Where do I thrive most when out of the house?” “What people have I felt most comfortable with and why?
These are great questions to reflect on because it gives you an advantage compared to people who are just going to social events without thinking too much or planning according to their personality. Great questions lead to great conversations, which lead to new friends.
Take 10 minutes to think about this. Maybe instead of a work networking event, you’ll feel more confident going to a smaller meetup related to a hobby of yours.
9. You aren’t making plans with people you meet
If you have a good connection with someone and you feel safe, try to make plans with them. It’s a good idea to take an extra step to get their contact information to schedule a friendly meetup.
To reduce the chances of rejection, you can usually feel the person out by being aware of the vibe you’re getting from them.
“The “vibes” that we pick up from people are influenced by a large range of factors. From subconsciously picking up subtle facial expressions or verbal tones of others to relating their behavior to past experiences with others. One interesting theory is that people also pick up “vibes” through chemosignals. Chemosignals are signals the human body gives off, often through sweat, through which people can interact.”
Next, start with small plans, like a short coffee meet-up, or any activity someone can join you for or meet before you go to an event, and then invite them if you feel comfortable.
So, try to put aside any fears of rejection and just ask if they would like to get together.
If you don’t try, nothing will happen.
10. You don’t know have successful conversations … yet
Understanding how to start and carry on conversations isn’t as hard as some people make it seem. You can pick up strategies and use them today.
We want you to take a look at one of the posts below because we think there will be at least some information that can help you stress less or improve your conversation skills.
12. “Why does no one want to be my friend?”
A study by Oxford University even suggested that men and women start losing friends after age 25.
Distance, demanding work hours, and shifting priorities all contribute to a shrinking social life and the solitude that comes with it.
But we need to make friends! Humans are wired to connect with others! Unfortunately, making friends in adulthood isn’t easy… especially if you’re looking for a deeper connection.
Bonus video: Make friends using this great strategy
What to do next if no one wants to be my friend?
Try to go to one event a week to meet new people
Make an effort to introduce yourself: In situations where you have the opportunity to interact with others, such as at a café, or waiting in line to say hello or make a comment. Basically anywhere you feel like you can stir up a conversation and practice your social skills.
Find people who are compatible and have similar interests. Think about what you like to do and who you want to do it with. For example, do you enjoy playing chess or reading books? Find a friend that loves to talk chess and read as much as you.
If you’re passionate about something, volunteer your time. Volunteering once or twice a week is a great way to meet new people. No need to have conversation starters ready because you’ll already be passionate about what you’re volunteering for.
Get some extra help to navigate feelings
Work on your anxiety. If you have social anxiety in any form, there are ways to overcome it or at least manage it better. You’ll become more emotionally intelligent, if you work hard enough, and also understand yourself on a different level. Also, seek help of some sort or seek a therapist!
Be open-minded and judge less. Some people you meet might be very different from you, but that doesn’t mean they’re not exciting or high-quality people. Take time to learn about them and what their interests are.
Be open vulnerable and about who you are and want. Start to answer questions more honestly if you’re not. But if you don’t want to, set a boundary. Just don’t act like someone else to impress people because you might make the wrong friends who like you for the wrong reasons.
Remember to push a bit yourself to make friends
Be friendly and a little more outgoing. Saying “hello” or “how are you” can easily spark up a conversation. If you have a job that offers events to meet people go to it! This will especially work for people who are in college. That’s where people will be more open about making friends.
Compliment and mention something about the scene. This can be something as simple as commenting on new shoes, or someone’s new hairstyle.
Learn how to get better at socializing with small talk Two people need to “warm up” to get comfortable with each other. You’re showing that you’re friendly and approachable. Research says you’re happier talking to people, even if it’s small talk.
“No one wants to be my friend in college” We suggest reviewing the 14 steps on how to make friends in college, especially if you have social anxiety before you head to your next party or social event on campus.
“Where can I meet new people to make friends?”
If you are unsure where to meet new friends, then here are some ideas:
Look for an attend a club or organization meeting. Sometimes they will have an open house for potential members.
Take a class you’ll enjoy. This relates to what we talked about above, do something fun and what you’re interested in. You can ask someone for help or just strike up a conversation with them.
Meet people at work. You spend most of your day at work so why not make a work buddy to help you have an easier day. Some of your coworkers might also be seeking friendships, and you already have some common ground. Meet up for drinks or coffee.
Sometimes all it takes it pushing yourself to get out more. Getting out is sometimes difficult, however, exploring new places will spark motivation and can introduce you to a lot of people.
Other places where you can make friends:
City tours or a tour of some sort
Sports club or event
Art festival or any community gathering
Local store or cafe (especially if you go there daily or weekly)
Social causes gatherings
Conventions (especially events that you like such)
What you can do right now
Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more). Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “how to make friends in college with social anxiety?”.
But you’ll feel more confident, and prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.
Or, check out more resources below!