Why are some people so closed off? We have all been in a situation where we are talking to someone and they just will not open up. Maybe you are on a first date or maybe you are meeting a new co-worker, either way, you are stuck talking to a brick wall.
Do not worry, we have all been there. You meet someone new and they seem great, but they just don’t seem to want to share much about themselves. Or maybe you’ve been friends with someone for a while but they never really seem to open up to you. If you’re struggling to get someone to open up, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Here are some tips that might help.
Now, let’s dive into the 10 tips to help you understand why are some people so closed off.
1. Get someone to open up by talking about yourself
This could be something as simple as telling them your favorite TV show or what you did over the weekend. When you share something about yourself first, it makes the other person feel more comfortable doing the same. Just make sure that what you share isn’t too personal or intimate right off the bat, otherwise, they may feel like you’re moving too fast.
2. Try to create a safe environment
Try to create a relaxing environment where the other person feels like they can be themselves without judgment. This could mean going for a walk in the park instead of meeting at a crowded coffee shop or turning off your phone so that you can give the person your undivided attention. Whatever it is, try to make sure that both of you are relaxed and comfortable so that the other person feels like they can open up without feeling self-conscious. If you’re still wondering why are some people so closed off, it could be that they don’t feel safe. A major reason why are some people so closed off.
3. Another tip to get someone to open up is to be patient.
It takes some people longer than others to warm up and feel comfortable enough to start sharing. If you try to force it, you will only make the situation worse. Just be patient and let them come to you.
One of the reasons people might not feel comfortable confiding in you is that they don’t feel like they can trust you. If you want someone to open up to you, try your best to be patient and understanding. Sometimes, all people need is a little time to warm up to you. If you can show them that you’re a good listener who won’t judge them, they’ll be more likely to open up.
4. Get people to open up with active listening
This means that you should not only be hearing what the other person is saying but also be engaged in the conversation. Ask questions and show that you are interested in what they have to say. The third step is being genuine. Be yourself and let the other person see who you really are. Once they see that you are genuine and trustworthy, they will be more likely to open up to you.
5. People don’t think you care about them
If you want someone to confide in you, make sure that your questions show you’re interested in hearing about their experiences and thoughts. Avoid yes or no questions, and try to ask questions that will encourage the person to share more about themselves. Another reason why are some people so closed off, is because they don’t trust that you’re being sincere. It’s an important trait to have to if you want people to disclose information to you.
6. Why are some people so closed off? Be a safe person
Again, this is something we mentioned above and is related. Now, if you want someone to trust you enough to confide in you, it’s important that you respect their privacy and keep whatever they tell you between the two of you. Even if you’re dying to tell someone else what they’ve told you, resist the urge! The only way people are going to feel comfortable opening up is if they know that their secrets are safe with you.
7. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say
One of the best ways to get someone to open up to you is by showing a genuine interest in what they’re saying. Albert Schweitzer once said, “The only thing that really matters is not what we think about ourselves but what we think about others.” When you focus your attention on the other person and sincerely care about what they’re saying, they’ll pick up on it. And when they see that you’re truly interested in them, they’ll be more likely than not to return the favor and open up to you as well.
8. Show them that they can trust you
If you want someone to open up to you, it’s important that you show them that they can trust you. After all, why would anyone want to pour their heart out to someone who might turn around and use it against them? So if you want people to feel comfortable confiding in you, make sure that you keep everything they tell you confidently. Also, avoid passing judgment or offering unsolicited advice. Just listen and be there for them—that’s all they need from you right now.
9. Create Safe and Supportive moments to open up
Last but not least, if you want someone to really open up to you, it’s important that you create a safe and supportive environment for them to do so. This means being patient, nonjudgmental, and respectful—even if what they’re telling you is something that you don’t necessarily agree with. Remember, the goal here is not for them to see things from your perspective; it’s for them to feel heard and validated. So as long as you can provide them with a safe space where their thoughts and feelings are respected, they’ll be more than happy to share them with you.
10. Get someone to open up by asking questions
One of the best ways to get someone to open up is to simply ask them questions about themselves. People love talking about themselves, so asking questions is a great way to get the conversation flowing. Just make sure you’re actually interested in hearing the answer and be prepared to ask follow-up questions. The last thing you want is for the conversation to fizzle out because you didn’t have anything else to say after they answered your question.
What you can do right now
Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more) Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “why are some people so closed off?”
But, you’ll feel more confident, and prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.