“Why do I hate myself”


Sometimes it’s hard to understand why we feel the way we do. Why do I hate myself? What is wrong with me? These are common questions people ask themselves when they’re struggling with self-hatred.

If you are having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. Or, if you’re international, see more resources here.

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number.

therapy for anxiety and depression

A quick video showing some reasons you’re feeling down

1. You’re depressed and hard to acknowledge

Feeling down and lost is tough. It’s hard to see when you’re depressed. You might feel worthless, hopeless, or just sad. These are signs that you’re not okay emotionally. If you’re asking yourself, “Why do I hate myself?” it’s time to talk to a mental health expert. They can help you understand why and guide you toward feeling better.

2. You’ve been hurt and it’s lingering 

Trauma can stick with you, especially if it comes from someone you trusted. It’s common to blame yourself, but remember, it’s not your fault. Healing is key. Therapy and support groups are great ways to start healing and to learn to love yourself again. They help you work through your pain and find self-acceptance.

3. Past letdowns haven’t been processed

Life’s letdowns can make us feel like failures. Sometimes, we think our worth depends on never messing up. When we do, self-hate creeps in. But remember, your value isn’t about success or failure. You’re valuable just as you are. Working through these disappointments helps you move on and see life in a healthier way.

Working through these letdowns can help us move forward and give us a healthier perspective on life.

4. Your family hasn’t supported you

Feeling unsupported by your family is tough. It’s harder when this leads to self-hate. Sometimes, our family’s actions or home life can be the root. If you’re thinking, “Why do I hate myself?” remember, family isn’t your only support. There are others who can understand and help you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

There are plenty of people who want to support you. 

5. Your partner emotionally hurt you

Being emotionally hurt by a partner is deeply painful. It can shake your self-worth and make you feel self-hate. It’s okay to feel this way, and taking time to heal is important. Talk to friends or a therapist, and do things that make you happy. With time and care, you can move past the hurt and find self-love again.

6. “You’re not good enough”, but that’s not true!

Feeling like you’re not good enough is a common struggle. It can lead to low self-esteem and even depression. When someone says you’re not good enough, it can make things worse. But remember, those words aren’t true. You’re valuable just as you are. Work on building yourself up and challenging these negative thoughts.

Remember, healthy relationships, whether with family, friends, or partners, should support and uplift you, not bring you down.

health relationships

7. Negative thinking stops you from loving yourself

Negative thoughts can trap you in self-hate. It’s a cycle: negative thinking leads to more negativity and makes it hard to see the good in yourself. Breaking this cycle starts with realizing how powerful thoughts are. Identify where these negative thoughts come from.

Then, work on challenging them. Use positive affirmations and focus on your strengths. This can help you build a more positive self-view.

8. Negativity comes out as a bad habit

Negative self-talk is a tough habit to kick. It often starts as a way to handle tough times. Self-hate can come from low self-esteem, bad experiences, or not feeling confident. To break this habit, understand why it happens. Work on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Be mindful of your thoughts, stop comparing yourself to others, and be kinder to yourself.

With practice and therapy, it is possible to learn healthier ways of coping with difficult emotions and break the cycle of self-hatred.

9. You compare yourself to others all the time

Comparing yourself to others is a harmful habit. It can make you feel not good enough. When you compare, you often look at others’ best parts and forget your own strengths. This can make you ask, “Why do I hate myself?” It sets unrealistic expectations and can make you feel like a failure. Remember, everyone is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses.

Focus on what makes you special and what you’ve achieved. This is healthier than comparing yourself to others.

manage negative thoughts

10. You are afraid of being alone

Hating yourself can sometimes be linked to a fear of being alone. This fear might make you feel out of place or misunderstood. You might even feel lonely in a crowd. If you’re feeling this way, it’s crucial to understand why. Remember, you’re not really alone. Help is always there if you need it.

11. Everyone seems happier than you do

When it seems like everyone else is happier, it’s easy to feel left out and struggle with self-hatred. But remember, everyone faces challenges. People often hide their struggles. Talking to someone, like a friend or therapist, can help you understand your feelings and learn self-love.

12. Feeling like nobody cares about you

Feeling uncared for can be very lonely. It can make you feel worthless and lead to self-hatred. It’s normal to feel this way sometimes, especially during hard times. But there are likely people who care about you, even if they don’t show it all the time. Reaching out to friends, family, or a professional can help you feel supported and valued.

13. “I’m Not Lovable” Or “Valuable Enough!”

Thinking “Why do I hate myself?” often comes from feeling unlovable or not valuable enough. This might start from childhood, abuse, or not meeting goals. This self-hatred can keep you stuck in negative thoughts about yourself. Understanding where these feelings come from is key. Once you know, you can start to see your true worth and make positive changes.

14. You’ve been very critical of yourself

Being too critical of yourself is common when you’re unhappy with where you are in life. It might come from not meeting your own or others’ expectations. This can lead to strong self-hatred. Remember, being hard on yourself can harm your mental health. It’s important to understand why you criticize yourself and find ways to think more positively. Don’t hesitate to seek help and support.

15. Self-esteem is very low

Low self-esteem is a big reason for self-hatred. It can make you feel like you’re not good enough, leading to feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and shame. Low self-esteem can also make you overcritical and more prone to anxiety and depression. It’s crucial to recognize that how you see yourself affects your overall well-being. Working on improving your self-esteem is important to stop feeling like you hate yourself.

low self esteem and depression

16. You’ve been overly self-conscious

When it comes to understanding why you may be feeling a strong dislike for yourself, being overly self-conscious could be a major factor. This can manifest itself in feeling a strong sense of insecurity or self-doubt and could lead to feelings of sadness, loneliness, or inadequacy.

Now, in order to combat these negative feelings, it is important to focus on the positive aspects of yourself and to learn how to be more accepting and understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses. Additionally, reaching out for support from friends or family can be a great way to find comfort during this difficult time.

17. Feeling obsessed with weight

Many people who struggle with hating themselves can often become obsessed with their weight. This obsession can manifest itself in different ways, such as an unhealthy focus on counting calories and obsessive exercise habits.

Now, this can be a sign of deeper psychological issues which need to be addressed in order to begin resolving the underlying cause of why someone feels like they hate themselves. It is important to address these issues with a professional to help learn healthier coping mechanisms for managing difficult emotions and uncovering the root causes of why someone may feel this way.

18. They have negative body image issues

Many people who struggle with self-hatred have underlying body image issues. This could be due to a variety of reasons such as societal pressures, past trauma, or even genetics.

Again, this may manifest in various ways such as poor self-esteem, unrealistic expectations of one’s physical appearance, and distorted views of one’s body. It is important to recognize these feelings and talk to a professional if they become overwhelming.

Most importantly, with the right help, individuals can learn to appreciate their bodies and gain the confidence they deserve. With help, you can learn how to stop asking “why do I hate myself?

19. You’re shy and unconfident around others

When you’re shy and unconfident around others, it can lead to a feeling of hating yourself. This can be due to feeling like you don’t measure up to others, or because you don’t feel capable of doing things that other people can. This can cause negative self-talk and an overall sense of self-loathing.

Now, it’s important to remember that these feelings are normal and there are ways to work through them, such as talking with a therapist or joining a support group. By taking the time to understand why you feel this way and working on building your confidence, you can move forward with a healthier perspective on yourself.

20. You don’t accept people’s goodness

One of the most common reasons why people hate themselves is because they have difficulty accepting

compliments or other expressions of kindness from other people. When someone offers genuine compliments or kindness, it can be difficult to internalize that feeling, and instead, they may feel a sense of guilt or unworthiness. This can lead to a feeling of self-hatred that is difficult to shake.

By learning to accept kindness instead of pushing it away, people can start to move away from a mindset of hating themselves and begin to build self-compassion and self-love.

21. Are Afraid of what others will think

Many people who have self-hatred issues are afraid of what others will think of them. They may feel like they are not good enough and don’t measure up to the standards they perceive others have set for them. This fear can lead to further self-hatred as they try to hide their flaws and perceived imperfections from the world.

Most importantly, recognize these feelings and take steps to address them, such as talking to a therapist or engaging in activities that help build self-confidence. Overcoming this fear can help you become more comfortable with yourself and work on developing a healthier sense of self-worth.

22. Unrealistic expectations can cause depression

With less realistic expectations, you might expend plenty of effort without seeing any progress. Failing to meet an expectation can set you up for frustration, self-judgment, and potentially even depression.

Signs of unrealistic expectations:

1. Feeling stressed and upset if things don’t go as planned.
2. You criticize yourself and others.
3. You fixate on small details and need to get everything right.
4. If things go wrong, even in minor ways, you feel let down and frustrated.

how to let things go

23. Your early childhood experiences hurt you

Your self-hatred or depression rarely comes out of nowhere. So, individuals who’ve had a traumatic childhood will often grow up into adults to have a more difficult emotional life. 

Developmental trauma is very common and can easily lead to problems later on in adulthood. Such as emotional regulation, memory, difficulties in relationships, low self-esteem, and an unhealthy outlook on life. These and more are all known factors that occur from childhood trauma.

Most importantly, if trauma was physical or emotional abuse such as neglect, or verbal abuse, the long-term effects of childhood trauma, especially if left untreated, can create chaotic adulthood. Ultimately, this might be what is happening in your life. If you think it may be the cause, please seek professional help. 


24. You need a social life and friends

Socializing staves off feelings of loneliness and helps sharpen memory and cognitive skills. In addition, it increases your sense of happiness and well-being, and may even help you live longer. 

People who spend a lot of time alone may have an increased risk of depression and lower quality of life. You don’t have to be super social to see the benefits of connecting with others.

25. Anxiety has taken over your life

“It’s a cycle,” says Sally R. Connolly, LCSW and therapist. “When you get anxious, you tend to have this pervasive thinking about some worry or some problem. You feel bad about it. Then you feel like you’ve failed. You move to depression.”

  • Anxiety and depression – have a complicated relationship:
  • The chance of acquiring depression is much higher when an anxiety disorder already exists.
  • People who are depressed often feel anxious and worried.
  • People with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are especially prone to developing depression.

People with an anxiety disorder should speak with a psychiatrist, therapist, or another healthcare professional about their symptoms. Treatment for an anxiety disorder should not be delayed.

26. You might have some type of trauma 

Anyone suffering from emotional trauma or PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) may exhibit emotional scars for months, years, or even for the rest of their life. Studies have shown that PTSD actually does affect the functions of the brain in multiple ways. 

trauma and depression

27. You’re super angry and overwhelms you

Being angry feels like you can’t control an erupting urge. It’s an emotion that can be very dangerous to yourself and others or influence you into a depressive mood.

So if you feel angry and have no outlet, definitely find one such as exercise, meditation, or venting. If you need a good venting session, please consider professional help

How can you feel better if you hate yourself … 

ways to get help for depression

Treating depression with therapy or psychotherapy has proven helpful in both short-term and long-term cases of depression. 

There are various forms of therapy and experts to choose from. Some of the more common evidence-based approaches include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), psychodynamic psychotherapy, and problem-solving therapy. 

Counseling for Depression

The length and severity of the symptoms and episodes of depression often determine the type of therapy. If you’ve been depressed for a length of time and the symptoms are severe, working with a psychiatrist or psychologist (PsyD) may be necessary, since they deal more with issues from the past that may be deeply rooted in your present feelings.

But if the symptoms of depression are more recent or not as severe, working with a therapist in a counseling relationship may be helpful.

Take a depression test here if you want to learn more about if you’re depressed.

Counseling for depression focuses more on present thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and how these things are affecting your life currently. That’s why CBT has been a useful model to use in counseling sessions.

Since CBT is generally considered short-term therapy, it’s often a top choice for therapists when working with mild to moderate cases of depression that may not need long-term, in-depth psychotherapy. Evidence suggests that CBT works well in counseling for depression. It’s also proven to reduce relapse or recurrence rates of depression once counseling has ceased.

manage emotions for depression

Distressing emotions can creep up on us rather quickly. Sometimes there is a trigger, such as an unexpected piece of news, or getting into verbal conflict with someone. Other times, it may not feel as though there is a clear trigger, such as when a panic attack sets in.

When we experience distressing emotions, what can we do? Four ways to manage distressing emotions using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and related approaches are the following:

Making a plan

Assess the situation

Evaluate through questions


If you’re feeling depressed or suicidal please work with a professional. Online therapy.com is a resource you can learn more about. 

Learn more below about the benefits of therapy!!

Get Screened for depression if you hate yourself

The PHQ-9, is the most used screening tool for depression in the United States.

The best place to get screened is with a medical professional. While the questions to the PHQ-9 are available on the internet, you should not administer the test on yourself. A medical professional is trained in how to explain and interpret the questions, but they will also know how to interpret the results. 

Most medical providers have access to mental health screening tools. They include:

  • General physicians
  • Mental Health Specialists
  • Urgent care clinics or hospitals
  • Mental health practitioners

Our partner Online-Therapy offers both depression screening and therapy for depression. If you would like to learn more about the services, please visit them at online-therapy.com.

Steve Anthony

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