Sometimes it’s hard to understand why we feel the way we do. Why do I hate myself? What is wrong with me? These are common questions people ask themselves when they’re struggling with self-hatred.

If you are having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. Or, if you’re international, see more resources here.

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number.

therapy for anxiety and depression

A quick video showing some reasons you’re feeling down

1. You’re depressed and hard to acknowledge

It can be incredibly difficult to recognize when you are feeling depressed, or even that you may be struggling with your mental health.

Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and sadness can be signs that you are not in a healthy emotional state. If you are having difficulty understanding why you may be hating yourself, it’s very important to seek professional help from a mental health provider to help you work through your depressive feelings. They will help you find the root cause of your self-loathing. This may be one of the main reasons you ask yourself, “why do I hate myself?”

2. You’ve been hurt and it’s lingering 

When we experience trauma, it can be difficult to move past it, and can leave us feeling like we hate ourselves. This is especially true when the trauma was inflicted by someone that we trusted. It’s normal to feel like it’s our fault or that we deserved it in some way, but that’s not the case.

Again, it’s important to remember that you are not to blame for what happened and to focus on healing from the hurt so you can learn to love yourself again. There are a variety of resources available, such as therapy and support groups, that can help you process your feelings and find a path to self-love and acceptance.

3. Past letdowns haven’t been processed

When we experience letdowns in life, it’s easy to feel like we’ve failed ourselves. Also, we can begin to think our worth is based on our ability to get things right the first time, and when we make a mistake or fail, we start to hate ourselves for it. Unfortunately, this feeling of self-hatred can linger long after the initial letdown if we have not properly processed the experience.

Most importantly, it’s important to recognize our self-worth is not based on our successes or failures, but instead on our own inherent value as a person. Working through these letdowns can help us move forward and give us a healthier perspective on life.

4. Your family hasn’t supported you

It can be incredibly difficult to cope with the feeling of being unsupported by your family. This can be especially true when it comes to feelings of self-hate, as not having the support of your family can make it feel like there’s no one to turn to in times of distress. Family dynamics can cause a lot of challenges in life, especially as an adult. Asking yourself “why do I hate myself” can stem from family habits or what life was like in your home.

In fact, even if you feel like your family doesn’t understand or appreciate you, it’s important to remember there are other supportive people in your life. Or, you can find other people who can offer help and guidance.

5. Your partner emotionally hurt you

When your partner emotionally hurts you, it can be a difficult and painful experience. It can lead to feeling like you hate yourself, as the hurtful words and actions can affect your self-worth and feelings of self-love. Again, it’s important to remember these feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take time to process them.

Most importantly, it’s also important to practice self-care, such as talking to a therapist or friend about your feelings and engaging in activities that bring you joy. With time and effort, it is possible to overcome the hurtful experience and learn to love yourself again.

6. “You’re not good enough”, but that’s not true!

Self-hatred is a common issue experienced by many people, and it can be incredibly damaging. It can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and a lack of self-confidence. When someone says that you are not good enough, it can reinforce any negative beliefs you already have about yourself, making it difficult to break out of the cycle of self-hatred.

However, it is important to remember that these messages are not true and do not reflect your worth as an individual. Instead, focus on building yourself up and challenging the negative thoughts that may be causing your feelings of self-hatred.

Healthy relationships which include all people, your family, friends, romantic partners, and more, should give you space and time to support you. See below what health relationships include. Unfortunately, traumatic relationships can cause depression later in life.

health relationships

7. Negative thinking stops you from loving yourself

When we have negative thoughts about ourselves, it can become difficult to break out of the cycle of self-loathing. This is because these negative thoughts can lead to more negative thinking and make it difficult to appreciate ourselves. Again, it can be hard to break this cycle, but it is important to recognize the power of our thoughts and how they impact our self-image.

In fact, to start breaking the cycle, it’s important to identify the source of the negative thoughts and start looking for ways to challenge them. Practicing positive affirmations and trying to focus on our strengths can help us start to build a more positive sense of self. 

8. Negativity comes out as a bad habit

Negative self-talk can be a difficult habit to break, as it often feels like the only way to cope with a difficult situation. Self-hatred can be caused by a variety of factors, such as low self-esteem, negative experiences in life, or even a lack of self-confidence. In order to break this habit of negativity, it is important to recognize the root cause of it and work to replace negative thoughts with more positive ones.

Now, to break the habit, this might include being more mindful and aware of your thoughts. Also, not comparing yourself to others, and finding ways to be kinder to yourself. With practice and therapy, it is possible to learn healthier ways of coping with difficult emotions and break the cycle of self-hatred.

9. You compare yourself to others all the time

This is a big one. When comparing yourself to others can be a dangerous habit because it can quickly lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. When you compare yourself to others, you’re likely to focus on their strengths and accomplishments rather than your own. This also leads to the question, “why do I hate myself?” This can create a feeling of inadequacy and result in intense self-hate.

Additionally, comparing yourself to others sets up unrealistic expectations that can be impossible to achieve. This can lead to feelings of failure and frustration, further leading to an increase in self-hatred. It’s important to remember that everyone is unique and has their own individual strengths and weaknesses. It’s much healthier to focus on the things that make you unique and the things you have accomplished.

manage negative thoughts

10. You are afraid of being alone

Sometimes, feeling like you hate yourself can be a sign of a fear of being alone. This fear can manifest itself in different ways, including feeling like you don’t belong or that no one really understands you. Also, it can also lead to feelings of loneliness, even when surrounded by people.

Now, if you feel like you hate yourself, it’s important to explore why this might be and work towards understanding what is driving this feeling. It’s also important to remember that you are not alone and that help is available if needed. 

11. Everyone seems happier than you do

It can be easy to feel left out when everyone around you seems to be living their best lives, while you struggle with self-hatred.

In reality, it’s important to remember that everyone has their own difficulties and that no one is as happy as they seem. It may be helpful to talk to someone about your feelings, such as a friend, family member, or therapist, in order to gain insight into why you are feeling the way you are and explore how you can work on self-love.

12. Feeling like nobody cares about you

Feeling like nobody cares about you can be a deeply isolating and lonely experience. It can lead to a deep sense of worthlessness and cause someone to hate themselves. It is common for people to feel like nobody cares, especially during tough times or periods of loneliness.

In addition, it’s important to remember that even if it doesn’t feel like it, there are likely people in your life that care about you, even if they are not always vocal about it. Reaching out and connecting with friends, family, or even a mental health professional can help you to feel supported and cared for.

13. “I’m Not Lovable” Or “Valuable Enough!”

When people find themselves asking the question, “Why do I hate myself?” it can often be linked to feeling unlovable or not valuable enough. This can be caused by a variety of factors, including childhood experiences, physical and emotional abuse, and failure to reach goals or expectations. The self-hatred that stems from feeling unlovable or not valuable enough can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk and thoughts. It is important to recognize the root of these feelings so that you can own your worth and value and make positive changes in your life.

14. You’ve been very critical of yourself

Self-criticism is a common response to feeling dissatisfied with oneself. It can be a result of feeling overwhelmed by life’s uncertainties and feeling like you are not meeting your own expectations or anyone else’s. Again, This can lead to self-hatred, a strong feeling of dislike, and loathing for oneself. Self-hatred can be damaging to our mental and emotional health, so it’s important to understand why we might be critical of ourselves and what strategies we can use to counter that thinking. Lastly, to get help and support.

15. Self-esteem is very low

Having low self-esteem can be a major contributor to why someone might hate themselves. Low self-esteem can cause a person to feel like they are not good enough, and as a result, they may begin to feel unworthy of love and respect. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and even shame.

Again, low self-esteem can also cause a person to be overly critical of themselves and become more susceptible to anxiety and depression. It is important to recognize that our thoughts and feelings about ourselves have an effect on our overall well-being, so it is important to work on improving our self-esteem in order to move away from feeling like we hate ourselves.

low self esteem and depression

16. You’ve been overly self-conscious

When it comes to understanding why you may be feeling a strong dislike for yourself, being overly self-conscious could be a major factor. This can manifest itself in feeling a strong sense of insecurity or self-doubt and could lead to feelings of sadness, loneliness, or inadequacy.

Now, in order to combat these negative feelings, it is important to focus on the positive aspects of yourself and to learn how to be more accepting and understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses. Additionally, reaching out for support from friends or family can be a great way to find comfort during this difficult time.

17. Feeling obsessed with weight

Many people who struggle with hating themselves can often become obsessed with their weight. This obsession can manifest itself in different ways, such as an unhealthy focus on counting calories and obsessive exercise habits.

Now, this can be a sign of deeper psychological issues which need to be addressed in order to begin resolving the underlying cause of why someone feels like they hate themselves. It is important to address these issues with a professional to help learn healthier coping mechanisms for managing difficult emotions and uncovering the root causes of why someone may feel this way.

18. They have negative body image issues

Many people who struggle with self-hatred have underlying body image issues. This could be due to a variety of reasons such as societal pressures, past trauma, or even genetics. Again, this may manifest in various ways such as poor self-esteem, unrealistic expectations of one’s physical appearance, and distorted views of one’s body. It is important to recognize these feelings and talk to a professional if they become overwhelming.

Most importantly, with the right help, individuals can learn to appreciate their bodies and gain the confidence they deserve. With help, you can learn how to stop asking “why do I hate myself?

19. You’re shy and unconfident around others

When you’re shy and unconfident around others, it can lead to a feeling of hating yourself. This can be due to feeling like you don’t measure up to others, or because you don’t feel capable of doing things that other people can. This can cause negative self-talk and an overall sense of self-loathing.

Now, it’s important to remember that these feelings are normal and there are ways to work through them, such as talking with a therapist or joining a support group. By taking the time to understand why you feel this way and working on building your confidence, you can move forward with a healthier perspective on yourself.

20. You don’t accept people’s goodness

One of the most common reasons why people hate themselves is because they have difficulty accepting

compliments or other expressions of kindness from other people. When someone offers genuine compliments or kindness, it can be difficult to internalize that feeling, and instead, they may feel a sense of guilt or unworthiness. This can lead to a feeling of self-hatred that is difficult to shake. By learning to accept kindness instead of pushing it away, people can start to move away from a mindset of hating themselves and begin to build self-compassion and self-love.

21. Are Afraid of what others will think

Many people who have self-hatred issues are afraid of what others will think of them. They may feel like they are not good enough and don’t measure up to the standards they perceive others have set for them. This fear can lead to further self-hatred as they try to hide their flaws and perceived imperfections from the world.

Most importantly, recognize these feelings and take steps to address them, such as talking to a therapist or engaging in activities that help build self-confidence. Overcoming this fear can help you become more comfortable with yourself and work on developing a healthier sense of self-worth.

22. Unrealistic expectations can cause depression

With less realistic expectations, you might expend plenty of effort without seeing any progress. Failing to meet an expectation can set you up for frustration, self-judgment, and potentially even depression.

Signs of unrealistic expectations:

1. Feeling stressed and upset if things don’t go as planned.
2. You criticize yourself and others.
3. You fixate on small details and need to get everything right.
4. If things go wrong, even in minor ways, you feel let down and frustrated.

how to let things go

23. Your early childhood experiences hurt you

Your self-hatred or depression rarely comes out of nowhere. So, individuals who’ve had a traumatic childhood will often grow up into adults to have a more difficult emotional life. 

Developmental trauma is very common and can easily lead to problems later on in adulthood. Such as emotional regulation, memory, difficulties in relationships, low self-esteem, and an unhealthy outlook on life. These and more are all known factors that occur from childhood trauma.

Most importantly, if trauma was physical or emotional abuse such as neglect, or verbal abuse, the long-term effects of childhood trauma, especially if left untreated, can create chaotic adulthood. Ultimately, this might be what is happening in your life. If you think it may be the cause, please seek professional help. 

 

24. You need a social life and friends

Socializing staves off feelings of loneliness and helps sharpen memory and cognitive skills. In addition, it increases your sense of happiness and well-being, and may even help you live longer. 

People who spend a lot of time alone may have an increased risk of depression and lower quality of life. You don’t have to be super social to see the benefits of connecting with others.

25. Anxiety has taken over your life

“It’s a cycle,” says Sally R. Connolly, LCSW and therapist. “When you get anxious, you tend to have this pervasive thinking about some worry or some problem. You feel bad about it. Then you feel like you’ve failed. You move to depression.”

  • Anxiety and depression – have a complicated relationship:
  • The chance of acquiring depression is much higher when an anxiety disorder already exists.
  • People who are depressed often feel anxious and worried.
  • People with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are especially prone to developing depression.

People with an anxiety disorder should speak with a psychiatrist, therapist, or another healthcare professional about their symptoms. Treatment for an anxiety disorder should not be delayed.

26. You might have some type of trauma 

Anyone suffering from emotional trauma or PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) may exhibit emotional scars for months, years, or even for the rest of their life. Studies have shown that PTSD actually does affect the functions of the brain in multiple ways. 

trauma and depression

27. You’re super angry and overwhelms you

Being angry feels like you can’t control an erupting urge. It’s an emotion that can be very dangerous to yourself and others or influence you into a depressive mood. So if you feel angry and have no outlet, definitely find one such as exercise, meditation, or venting. If you need a good venting session, please consider professional help

How can you feel better if you hate yourself … 

ways to get help for depression

Treating depression with therapy or psychotherapy has proven helpful in both short-term and long-term cases of depression. 

There are various forms of therapy and experts to choose from. Some of the more common evidence-based approaches include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), psychodynamic psychotherapy, and problem-solving therapy. 

Counseling for Depression

The length and severity of the symptoms and episodes of depression often determine the type of therapy. If you’ve been depressed for a length of time and the symptoms are severe, working with a psychiatrist or psychologist (PsyD) may be necessary, since they deal more with issues from the past that may be deeply rooted in your present feelings.

But if the symptoms of depression are more recent or not as severe, working with a therapist in a counseling relationship may be helpful.

Take a depression test here if you want to learn more about if you’re depressed.

Counseling for depression focuses more on present thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and how these things are affecting your life currently. That’s why CBT has been a useful model to use in counseling sessions.

Since CBT is generally considered short-term therapy, it’s often a top choice for therapists when working with mild to moderate cases of depression that may not need long-term, in-depth psychotherapy. Evidence suggests that CBT works well in counseling for depression. It’s also proven to reduce relapse or recurrence rates of depression once counseling has ceased.

manage emotions for depression

Distressing emotions can creep up on us rather quickly. Sometimes there is a trigger, such as an unexpected piece of news, or getting into verbal conflict with someone. Other times, it may not feel as though there is a clear trigger, such as when a panic attack sets in.

When we experience distressing emotions, what can we do? Four ways to manage distressing emotions using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and related approaches are the following: 

  1. Making a plan
  2. Assess the situation
  3. Evaluate through questions
  4. Movement

If you’re feeling depressed or suicidal please work with a professional. Online therapy.com is a resource you can learn more about. 

Get Screened for depression if you hate yourself

The PHQ-9, is the most used screening tool for depression in the United States.

The best place to get screened is with a medical professional. While the questions to the PHQ-9 are available on the internet, you should not administer the test on yourself. A medical professional is trained in how to explain and interpret the questions, but they will also know how to interpret the results. 

Most medical providers have access to mental health screening tools. They include:

  • General physicians
  • Mental Health Specialists
  • Urgent care clinics or hospitals
  • Mental health practitioners

Our partner Online-Therapy offers both depression screening and therapy for depression. If you would like to learn more about the services, please visit them at online-therapy.com.

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