“I don’t like parties”
It’s more common than you think. A lot of people have the thought, “I don’t like parties.” Many people are familiar with the popular image of a party: glinting lights on glasses, laughter, music, dancing, and making new friends. It seems so inviting, but in reality, parties can be exhausting, stressful, and anxiety-provoking for some introverts.
Also, it’s natural to be concerned about what people will think of you if they know you don’t like parties, but don’t let this affect your attitude. After all, it doesn’t mean you can’t be social, or you’re not attractive, because there are plenty of other things to do if you don’t want to go to parties.
Now, let’s jump into the reason you say, “I don’t like parties” Let’s go!
1. You don’t like large groups of people
One of the most common reasons someone says “I don’t like parties” is because they don’t feel comfortable in large groups of people. Even if you’re not shy, being in an environment where everyone is talking at once can be very overwhelming.
When you go to a party, make sure you plan ahead what you hope to accomplish. Such as who you want to meet, how many people, when to leave, etc. This will help you avoid wasting energy and energy that could have been better spent relaxing.
2. You’re not getting ROI from the party
ROI means, return on investment. In reality, you’re putting a lot of energy and time (your investment) into a social gathers. So, like we just mentioned, having a specific goal for the party will also make it easier to stay focused and keep conversations flowing. Either you decide to go or stay home and save your energy, or come up with a better social activity. No more saying, “I don’t like parties”.
For example, Debra Fine, a speaker and author of “The Fine Art of Small Talk,” likes to set a goal for herself when she goes to a party, such as meet three new people.
If you don’t think you can do this, then a more realistic goal may be to meet just one person. For this, you can ask someone to introduce you to people they know, and then make an effort to approach them. You may need to work at this, but it’s worth it in the end. It will give you an opportunity to learn more about the people at the party, and it will help you build your confidence.
3. You don’t time your arrival at the party
Another strategy to help you overcome the fear of parties is to arrive early and be the first person to greet people at the door. Getting to the party before everyone else is engrossed in conversations can be intimidating, but it’s an important part of getting to know people. Or, try to arrive with someone who you feel comfortable tag teaming conversations with. Then, when it’s time, and you feel comfortable, you can venture off on your own to meet people individually.
4. The pressure is too much. “I don’t like parties”
Being pressure itself is exhausting. This can further drain your energy and make you feel uncomfortable. It’s perfectly normal to want to take a break from partying when you need a little more downtime, and you should do so whenever possible.
It’s OK to decline invitations when they’re not the kind of events you enjoy, so long as they don’t affect your health or safety in any way. If you’re feeling really uncomfortable, you can always excuse yourself to go inside or sit in a different room until the night is over.
5. You’re an introvert and want to be less overwhelmed
If you ever feel overwhelmed by anything, especially socializing, you should take a break. Your mental health is important and sets social boundaries. In addition, if you do go to the party, you can easily find a place to relax by taking some time away from the party. Maybe take a breather outside, put your headphones on, and listen to music for ten minutes, or make a quick call.
The main point is to relax the nerves and breathe. Lastly, many introverts find peace in the solitude of being alone or with few friends. After all, introverts are usually easily overstimulated by noise, crowds, and socializing. This is normal behavior.
6. “I don’t like parties” and rather stay in
It’s not uncommon for people to want to stay in instead of staying out all night partying. As we mature, change friends, and change interests, our life will also change. This is very normal, and nothing wrong with it. However, if you’re staying home all the time and not socializing at all, you might be in a funk and could be depressed. Take the test to see if you have depression symptoms.
Also, if you’re an introvert, this is common behavior. Maybe the weekend or the night before, you had a very social night and need time to recharge. Again, staying in instead of going out is normal and healthy. Lastly, try to have friends over for a movie or game night, instead of drinking if that is the usual habit.
7. You don’t know how to small talk … yet
Maybe you dread small talk and you think it’s superficial but once you understand how to use it you’ll realize how important it is. But why do you need small talk?
Two people need to “warm up” to get comfortable with each other and show you’re friendly and approachable. Research says you’re happier talking to people, even if it’s small talk.
Initiate small talk by:
Finding a common or at least an interesting topic:
Revealing something about yourself:
Observing what’s around you. Talk about the environment you’re in
Examples of small talk:
“Hey, good morning! I’m Sasha. I see you every day here at the office I wanted to introduce myself.”
“What do you think of the weather today? It’s a beach day.”
“I’m really looking forward to drinks after work today. I hear Sasha will be coming too!”
8. You’re nervous being alone at the party
“I don’t like parties”. Give yourself permission and space to be awkward. The big thing to take into account is to acknowledge you’re going to be nervous. It’s normal. The attempt to go to any social event for socializing and trying to make friends is a huge win. So, anything you experience during the party won’t negate the fact you’ve ventured out, which is good for your mental health and life.
Most people at a party feel they’re out of their comfort zone, so try to remember that. Also, remember if you’re feeling out of your depth, you can simply move on to the next conversation or just leave and try again later. Again, take comfort in the fact that many people who attend parties solo are often just as nervous. If you want to learn more social skills take a look at our free tool kit.
9. “I don’t like parties”…you don’t have friends
Give yourself a little pep talk before you head out the door. You’re going to a party alone, and that’s okay. Many people struggle with going out by themselves, so good for you!
Next, one thing you can have a few questions ready to ask people. You should mentally prepare a few questions (depending on the type of event) to break the ice. Ask open-ended questions and not yes or no questions.
Lastly, to avoid going to an event alone plan ahead with a friend or go to an activity you know you’ll feel more comfortable at. This will alleviate a lot of stress because it’s a community of people you’re familiar with and interested in.
10. Your anxiety overwhelms you
You might be wondering, “How to relieve anxiety at a party?” Well, then you must have felt nervous or have had some stomach pain because you were overwhelmed with social anxiety. If yes, most of us have. It’s actually normal and a lot of people go through this. The difference is, some people have learned how to manage anxiety and practiced.
Sometimes, our breathing gets out of control and we feel like we need to leave the situation. But you can manage this. Use box breathing or any type of breathing exercise to get your anxiety under control.
Breathing quiets down parts of the brain that activates your nerves. Or, if you need extra support see a therapist. Take the anxiety test to learn more.
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11. Starting a conversation is difficult for you
Opening a conversation isn’t easy but you can make it easier. You can even be strategic and go somewhere you’ll know conversations will happen naturally. Such as a meetup, music event, comic con, or dog park. Picking the right social event can make a huge difference in your life.
But once you’ve picked the right place to socialize, you can look around and see what you can mention to the person next to you. If you see a beautiful view you can say “Wow, such a great view. I love the cityscape. What do you think?”
Learn more from our other post on starting conversations:
12. The parties you’ve been to just suck
It’s very possible the parties you go to just plain suck. The people there are shallow, boring or you’re at a different level of socializing. Or, you just have different interests and have outgrown a circle of people. Also, maybe you’ve realized the people you try to hang with aren’t really friends. But this is OK, if this is true, you can now focus on things that make you happier.
Lastly, maybe you haven’t been to a party with friends or people that have made you feel good. The music, people, venue, etc. If you haven’t, maybe try different experiences or types of parties. A party doesn’t have to be a club, drinking or dancing. You make it what you want.
What you can do right now
Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more) Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “I don’t like parties.”
But, you’ll feel more confident, and prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing. No more, “I don’t have any female friends.”