“How to stop trying to be like someone else?” Well, in our hyper-connected, digital world, it’s all too easy to fall into the comparison trap. Social media feeds, brimming with seemingly perfect lives, can spur feelings of inadequacy, leading us to wish we were someone else. 

But this journey towards imitation is unfulfilling and can sap our self-esteem. 

This post on how to stop trying to be like someone else offers an in-depth exploration of why we often compare ourselves to others and presents a step-by-step guide on how to stop trying to be like someone else, and instead, embrace our authentic selves.

The Comparison Conundrum: Why We Seek to Emulate Others

As humans, we’re social creatures. Our brains are wired to compare ourselves with others to understand our social standing. While this was a survival mechanism in prehistoric times, today it fuels an unhealthy cycle of comparison, often magnified by the onslaught of ‘picture-perfect’ lives displayed on social media.

A study published in the Journal of Individual Differences indicates that frequent social media use can lead to social comparison, triggering feelings of inferiority and dissatisfaction.

These comparisons may push us to strive to be more like others, obscuring our unique qualities and contributing to the erosion of self-esteem.

comparing yourself to other

Step 1: Appreciate Your Uniqueness

Recognizing and appreciating our uniqueness forms the bedrock of self-confidence. Renowned psychologist Dr. Robert Brooks notes that harboring a sense of uniqueness helps cultivate our individual life mission. Your unique mix of strengths, talents, and accomplishments sets you apart from others.

Action Steps:

  • Identify your strengths: Be it soft skills like communication or hard skills like coding, identify what you excel at.
  • Recognize your talents: Reflect on what you naturally gravitate towards. Do you find solace in painting, or perhaps excitement in playing a musical instrument?
  • Chronicle your accomplishments: Celebrate your wins, both big and small. They are a testament to your capabilities and dedication.

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology affirms that recognizing our unique traits can significantly boost self-esteem and resilience.

Highlight: Identifying and celebrating your unique attributes lays the foundation for building self-confidence.

Step 2: Cultivate Self-Love and Acceptance

Self-love and acceptance are cornerstones of mental health and well-being. Understanding “how to stop trying to be like someone else”, is about embracing our entirety. Including our perceived imperfections, facilitates a more balanced self-view, thereby reducing the desire to be someone else.

Action Steps:

  • Practice self-compassion: Be gentle with yourself when you stumble. Treat yourself as you would a close friend—offering comfort, understanding, and motivation to get back up.
  • Encourage positive self-talk: Replace critical or negative thoughts with kinder, affirming ones. Remember, our thoughts can shape our feelings and actions.

Research in the Journal of Clinical Psychology underscores the power of self-compassion in alleviating symptoms of anxiety and depression and fostering healthier self-esteem.

Highlight: Cultivating self-love and acceptance enables us to view ourselves more positively, reducing the compulsion to emulate others.

Ways to Quit Comparing Yourself to Others

Step 3: Set Personal Goals and Standards

Setting personal goals, as per life coach Tony Robbins, gives our lives direction and makes us happier and healthier. Pursuing your own goals reduces the need for external validation, promoting authentic living.

Action Steps:

  • Identify what success means to you: Success is a personal concept and varies from person to person. Define what it looks like for you.
  • Set achievable goals: Break down your definition of success into manageable goals. Each step taken towards these goals is a testament to your capabilities.

The Harvard Business Review links goal setting with higher motivation, self-esteem, and self-confidence.

Highlight: Defining and pursuing personal success instead of conforming to societal definitions fosters authenticity.

Step 4: Limit Social Media Consumption

While social media can serve as a platform for connection, it can also fuel comparison. Moderating our consumption can help mitigate this issue.

Action Steps:

  • Set boundaries: Limit the time spent on social media. Allocate specific time slots for browsing these platforms.
  • Curate your feed: Follow accounts that inspire and uplift you, and unfollow ones that trigger feelings of inadequacy or comparison.

A study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found a strong link between limiting social media use and a significant reduction in feelings of loneliness and depression.

Highlight: Mindful social media use can help reduce the triggers for comparison and enhance overall well-being.

Do's and Don'ts on social media

Step 5: Seek Professional Help If Necessary

Despite self-efforts, if feelings of comparison and the desire to be like someone else persist, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.

Action Steps:

  • Consult a mental health professional: They can provide techniques and strategies to better manage these feelings.
  • Join a support group: Sharing your experience and hearing others can offer comfort and insights.

Highlight: Professional help can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and equip you with tools to manage them effectively.


Celebrate Your Unique Self

Breaking free from the chains of comparison and embracing your authentic self is a journey. It involves appreciating your uniqueness, fostering self-love, defining personal success, moderating social media use, and seeking professional help when needed. Remember, there’s no one in the world quite like you, and that’s your superpower.

What else can you do right now?

Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more) Prepare more when you go out to socialize. We think if you join our community or read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “How to stop trying to be like someone else.” 

But, you’ll feel more confident, and prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.

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