For a lot of us, confidence ebbs and flows every day depending on what we’re doing.
But, I think we all know we’re usually more confident in activities were better at.
One of the things I knew I was NOT good at was math. I absolutely hated math!
From Elementary school, all the way up to college I always put off my math homework every night.
I was always better in my art and philosophy classes. Anything that allowed me to be creative or think outside the box I felt very confident in.
And the confidence came from knowing I was good at it. It was also because there were no right or wrong answers in art or philosophy. And if I did make a mistake no one gave a shit.
But, I always felt I could’ve taken my creative abilities to the next level and never did. Until I actually learned how.
I needed to gain confidence.
The first step I learned to gain more confidence was to manage my Mindset.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” – Henry Ford
I agree with Henry Ford. You are what you think you are. Your thoughts are a driver of your confidence and feelings.
Try writing down what you say to yourself in your mind for a week. At the end of the week count how many negative and positive thoughts you have. Which thoughts do you think you’ll have more of?
I wrote my thoughts down for a week and I found I had more negative thoughts! BLAH! Not too surprising actually.
But, after a month of working this, I had more positive thoughts!
Another idea I learned is confident people don’t say, “I Don’t Give A Fuck!”
Confident people DO give a fuck, and they don’t need to say “I Don’t Give A Fuck!” to validate themselves.
If you’re saying, “I don’t give a fuck”, then most likely you’re showing off or trying to be “tough”.
It takes more confidence to be vulnerable or admit a mistake which actually shows you’re comfortable with yourself.
Then I went on to learn confident people ask … “What the fuck is stopping me?”
“What’s stopping me? Why can’t I do that!?”
Confident people see an opportunity and go for it instead of worrying about what might go wrong.
Confident people DON’T let fear hold them back. If you never try you’ll never succeed, right?
“You miss 100 of the shots you don’t take.” – Michael Scott (If you get this, I love you)
When I worked for a big bank, I learned very quickly that confident people ask for help and speak up.
Confident people ask for help and speak up when they don’t get it. Speaking up can be very hard. Especially in a room of smart people. You don’t want to seem weak or unintelligent.
But if you’re afraid to speak up, know this is the situation where you shouldn’t give a fuck about what others think of you. That’s what holds people back from asking a question.
If you don’t speak up now you’ll get lost in the learning process and it’ll be hard to recover on later.
If you don’t want to speak up in front of people, pull your manager aside to talk.
And if you’re having a bad day, learn how to win small battles.
When you’re having a bad day and you need a win, remember a small victory can help you bounce back. It doesn’t have to be a world series of poker win. Just win an easy hand or two so you can start to feel better.
Find anything to help you move forward or to get out of the hole you might be in. You need to do something.
A small win can be anything you cross off your daily list. Grocery shopping, laundry, meditating, cleaning the kitchen.
When you have a full day of small victories, you’ll start to feel motivated and get a boost in your confidence that can last for days. Try it!
Lastly, confident people have great social skills.
Confident people know how to bond and connect with others. They know how to tell stories and capture the attention of their colleagues.
If you know how to have a conversation with someone, especially at work, then you’ll be ahead of the game.
Social skills will help you get promoted and receive a much higher salary. But most importantly, it will help you make friends who can be your support system when you’re having a bad day.
So, take your confidence to the next level and use the tips above.