“I hate my social circle”  

“There are three kinds of friends: friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.”

Throughout life, we meet people who we like and don’t. The ones we like, stick around for a while and we share experiences with them. People sometimes become lifelong partners who help through tough times and others, are just seasons. They’re around for a little bit and then things change.

This is all normal. However, it can become frustrating when you feel like you’re current social circle isn’t meeting your needs or you’ve outgrown them in some way.

If you’re saying, “I hate my social circle!” then you’ve come to the right place.

We want to tell you why you hate your social circle and what you can do about it. And, most importantly, how you can make new friends.

Let’s do this!

#1. You’ve outgrown your friends. Or, they’ve outgrown you. 

 

We believe the first reason you hate your social circle is that you’ve just simply outgrown the people around you. This is quite common and is an indicator that you’re growing as an individual, or, maybe the people around you are outgrowing you. 

This might happen because you have fewer things in common to talk about or don’t have many shared experiences anymore. 

One study suggests many people replace their friends every 7 years.

Gerald Mollenhorst, an assistant professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, discovered only about 30 percent of our closest friends remain tried and true after seven years, and 48 percent remain in our immediate social network (meaning we actually talk to or hang out with them on occasion).

However, the size of our network remains the same, which means out with the old and in with the new.

mad at friends

#2. As life happens, our interests change in some way.

 

As we said, people outgrow each other. And one of the main reasons is the different interests people acquire as they develop. We might not want to hang out to talk about the topics that are usually talked about. Or, you might be more interested in climate issues as opposed to anthropology or sports.

“But more often than not, she says, friendship breakups are the result of people gradually growing apart, which means there isn’t a standard conversation that ensues. The relationship may need to come to end because of factors outside of the friendship — like distance or differences in lifestyle — or because one or both friends have strained the bond by mistreating the other.” Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical therapist who specializes in young adult and adult friendships.

We believe the first reason you say, “I hate my social circle!” is because you’ve just simply outgrown the people around you. This is quite common and is an indicator that you’re growing as an individual, or, maybe the people around you are outgrowing you. 

This might happen because you have fewer things in common to talk about or don’t have many shared experiences anymore. 

#3. You’re not compatible with your social circle.

 

Friends or a social circle who are compatible are happy and tend to do more things together, which means they’re likely to attend different social events together or share experiences in some way, especially new experiences.

If things are rocky within the social circle or the friendship, you’re probably not making many appearances together and want to hang out with other people. This doesn’t bode well for your friendships, because healthy social circles have a buzzing social life together.

If the people in your social circle are not on the list of first people you call when you want to share something, says a lot about your social circle.

Also, if you’re not looking forward to telling them about a big moment at work, you’re not likely to be compatible in a long-term friendship. At the very least, it shows that you aren’t the best of friends.

friends who are compatible

#4. You want to break up with your friends, but you’re too attached.

 

Any kind of breakup can be painful, but the hardest might possibly be having to break up with a friend. You might realize that, for your wellbeing, you have to call it quits on a friendship that is no longer serving you.

If you feel like your social circle isn’t healthy or fulfilling, it can help to explore those feelings. Maybe your gut instinct makes sense, or maybe it’s worth another shot with this friend.

If you need someone to talk about those feelings, seek professional help if you think you need more guidance.

#5. The social circle has become toxic or just boring. 

Signs of a toxic friendship include: 

  • Putting you down and in front of other friends down 
  • Gossiping and lying
  • Pressuring you into things you’re uncomfortable with
  • Not listening to you when you try to set boundaries
  • The conversation is never equal
  • They’re not happy for you when good things happen for you
  • They talk behind your back.

If the idea of being honest people within your social circle makes you feel anxious, sick, or scared, it is a good sign that you may be in a toxic or abusive relationship. 

Do not put yourself through that friendship anymore. It is most likely time to move on from that friendship.

my friends are boring

#6. People come and go and that’s normal. 

 

People change. 

Initially, you may bond with someone because they live in the same town, go to the same college, or you work together. But people evolve, you realize you may not have much in common as you did in the past.

Also, your friend may not make as much time to call you or ask you to hang out. Or, you may be the one not returning your friend’s texts as often. I

If you feel you’ve naturally grown apart, it may be for the best to have a discussion about how to move on or try to repair the friendship. Decide what you want or try to end things on good terms.

 

#7. You might be sabotaging your friendships 

 

Two friends might be drifting apart. But one friend may try to communicate but is met with silence and an unwillingness to engage. 

If one person isn’t open to communicating about friendships, it’s probably a sign to move on.

Let’s reflect on why you hate your social circle:

After you decide to stay friends with the people in your social circle or move on from them, you might feel anger, sadness, loneliness, or anxiety about the people you’re friends with. 

But, the first thing to keep in mind is to take care of yourself. Reflect on what you want, and think about what it is you’re really feeling. Also, ask yourself the question, is it better to move on and make new friends or try to repair your friendship circle and set boundaries. 

Go from “I hate my social circle!” to “I’m excited to meet with friends tonight!

 

We have a lot of additional information that you can use by checking out more of our posts. First, if you’ve been out of the game of making friends for a while, check out our post on, “How to get better at socializing.”

But, let’s be honest. Making friends and going to social events, especially by yourself, can be weird and awkward, so check out, “How to talk to people. 10 essential tips.”

Protip: Go where you’re comfortable having conversations. 

Find your tribe. People with the same interests as you

This can be a significant factor in having great conversations and finding people you’re compatible with.

For example, if you love playing board games, search Google for, “board game groups near me” and you’ll get thousands of search results. Or, just go to meetup.com and search for your interest. 

Get involved in community events or a social club

These activities can be where you can practice your conversation skills. 

Here are some activities you should consider trying:

  1. Explore local happenings with Eventbrite events
  2. Enroll in a class – Go to lessons.com to find a class near you.
  3. Get involved in volunteer opportunities
  4. Check out meetup.comyou can find all types of social activities or create a group for your special interest. 

If you want to meet people online, then check out these options:

friendmatch.com – With FriendMatch, you can make friends from nearby or from around the world.

Bumble.com – Of course, this is for dating, BUT, you can also Learn how How to Make New Friends Online (Without Making it Weird)

The spheres of friendship

When you meet people, you’ll feel like you’re not sure what you have in common. Make sure you find the common interests that overlap. 

find friends with same interests

As you get to know someone you’ll find more common interests. And, the areas you have in common are called “relevance”. The closer your spheres of interest are, the more likely, you’ll like someone and you’ll become friends. Find the relevance! 

friends with interests

Summary

 

  • Go to social events where you will find people who have similar interests.
  • Every week or every other week, try to go to the same event and hang out with the same people.
  • Don’t waste your time going to places you hate or if you aren’t making friends who you’re compatible with.
  • Don’t drain yourself of energy by forcing yourself to go places you’re not getting the right vibe from.
  • Find a location, social event, or meeting, where you feel comfortable talking to people with who you have things in common can be the key to socializing more easily.
  • Check out some social groups online mentioned above.

“Research by Nicholas Christakis at Yale found that relationships are the number one promoter of happiness in life.”

A bigger network leads to bigger happiness, according to the Yale study. “When friends of friends become happier, it ripples through the social circle,” says Barker. “Your happiness can affect theirs.”

In fact, a weak social circle is bad for your health, adds Barker. According to research from Brigham Young University, not having enough friends is the same risk factor as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

What you can do right now

 

If you really feel like your social skills keep getting worse, ask a friend. Talk to a close friend about the feelings you have about how you feel when you socialize.

Prepare more when you go out to socialize. Joining our community and Download our Tool Kit for free (mini-course, social blueprint, and more)

Check out our course, Next Level Conversation

We think if you join our community, take our course, or just read a few more blog posts, you won’t be saying, “I hate my social circle!”. But you’ll feel more confident, prepared and you’ll know what to do next, especially, when it comes to socializing.  

 

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