You can almost say anything to start a conversation with a stranger as long as you’re confident.
Sometimes it’s as easy as that.
Don’t believe me? Try it.
Here are some easy examples you can use to start a conversation with a stranger.
“Hey, I’m John, I’m new to the city, do you have any suggestions about what I can do for fun or how to meet friends?”
“Beautiful day today?! I’m Jackie.”
“I never know what to order. What do you recommend?”
“I love it when it snows. It reminds me of the holidays and slows life down. Do you enjoy snow days too?”
“Smells good in here! What are you cooking?”
The first time you build up the confidence to start a conversation with a stranger is very scary!
Your heart is throbbing and your stomach is twisted. You finally open your mouth to say something but you stutter and your mind goes blank.
Whew! That’s a moment that can hold you back for years. But we all have to start somewhere.
The difference between you and someone with charisma is how you react to a setback.
We all start in different places when it comes to being social. It’s not easy to confidently talk to a complete stranger and start a conversation.
That’s why we created a four-step formula.
This is the answer to starting a conversation with a stranger. Here it is:
Feel free to click on the step and skip to the section.
Step #1. Get your mind right
Most people get nervous before meeting someone new, especially if you’re the first person to say something. We talk in-depth on how to switch your mindset.
Step #2. Prepare
It’s important to prepare in some way before you talk to a stranger. Either practice what you’re going to say or practice calming your nerves.
Step #3. Build your confidence
Confidence is a huge part of accomplishing your goals, even if it’s deciding to start a conversation with a stranger. That feeling to take action doesn’t just appear. You have to experience it.
Step #4. Take action
This is the most important step. You can prepare, know exactly what to say, and have the confidence to do it, but if you don’t take action, then it doesn’t matter.
If you can implement these four steps into how you communicate, you’ll be on your way to talking to as many random people as you like!
Now that you know the four steps to start a conversation with a stranger, let’s dive deep into each of the steps.
This will give you exactly what you need to take your communication skills to the next level!
“Change your thoughts and you can change your world.” –Norman Vincent Peale
“If you say you can or you can’t you are right either way.” –Henry Ford
These above quotes are to help you understand that your way of thinking affects you.
The thoughts you have on a daily basis can shape your life. You are what you think you are.
Your attitude in life matters, even when you talk to strangers. How will you create the confidence to meet people if you don’t have a positive mindset?
If you don’t have a positive mindset you’ll always talk yourself out of things, especially meeting strangers.
A lot of people agree that changing your attitude is one of the best ways to meet your goals.
Oprah Winfrey is one of those people who agrees. She says, “The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”
It’s agreed by many people and studies that your attitude and thoughts can either help you or derail your ambitions.
John Hopkins Medicine says there is also a strong link between “positivity” and health.
So, how does this relate to starting conversations with strangers?
Well, you probably have a little voice in your head that says …
“I’m too scared!”
“I’m so nervous!”
“What if they don’t like me?”
“I can’t do this!”
“I don’t want to embarrass myself!”
“What if I don’t remember what to say?”
“I’m not doing this! I’m not ready.”
We’ve all said these things before. The truth is, we’ll never be 100% perfect. You just have to do the best you can and take a risk to make your life better.
It’s also important to say, these thoughts are OK. We all feel these things and they’re normal. What we want is to help you consider switching your thoughts to become more positive and action-based.
If you’ve ever been in a difficult situation or felt terrible about yourself and you later reflect on your thoughts, what did you think? What were your thoughts?
Maybe you were feeling guilty, rejected, worried, or afraid of failure.
Maybe your thoughts were so negative they’ve prevented you from enjoying experiences. Or, meeting new people.
To get your mind right so you can start conversations with strangers use two strategies:
- Practice reframing your thoughts.
- Build resiliency.
Practice Reframing Your Negative Thoughts.
This is a task that can seem impossible in the moment of nervousness or “failure”.
If you’re trying to brace yourself to talk to a complete stranger reframing the situation can help you overcome your fear.
Instead of thinking about how this person you’re about to speak with might reject you, try to reframe your thoughts by saying:
“This can be a great conversation. I might miss an opportunity to make a friend.”
“No matter what, with each person I talk to, I’ll be improving my communication skills and building confidence.”
“I have nothing to lose.”
Just the change of your tone or change of words can redirect the situation.
Learn To Build Resiliency.
It’s important to adapt to stressful situations and setbacks in life. Even though it’s not easy to do, accepting that setbacks are a part of life can help you move forward.
Consider implementing the broaden-and-build theory, by Barbara Fredrickson.
The theory suggests that if you’re able to build positive emotions within yourself or broaden your awareness about a topic or activity you’ll be able to take action towards new experiences. For example, having an open mind to starting conversations with strangers will open the door for supportive relationships.
If you have this outlook on meeting new people, it can lead to a pleasant interaction which can become a supportive friendship.
If you’re still not convinced check out this motivational video to get you to move towards your goals. See video.
“It’s better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one, then to have an opportunity and not be prepared.” – Les Brown
Do you think you’re prepared to succeed right now?
If the opportunity to talk to someone suddenly appeared, would you be ready for it? Would you take action?
Part of success is to be prepared. You’ll feel more confident and willing to take on the challenge when you’ve taken the time to prepare for a moment,
Now, think about a time in your life when you had a setback or a stressful moment. Maybe a work presentation or a job interview didn’t go well.
You then might ask yourself, what could I have done better?
A lot of people would say, “I should have prepared better.”
Preparation is the difference between a mediocre performer and a top performer. Which one do you want to be?
One of the best ways to talk to strangers is to prepare yourself for the obvious questions.
After talking to a lot of people you’ll begin to realize that most will ask you a variation of the same questions.
If you could learn concise answers to a set of core questions, you could walk into almost any social situation and succeed.
Try preparing answers to these 5 core questions:
- Tell me about yourself
- What do you do for work
- Where are you from
- What do you like to do for fun
- Where did you go to school
Anticipating these 5 questions can help you succeed in 99% of conversations. Use this as a guide to help you start conversations with strangers.
Now that you know the questions people will likely ask you, let’s talk about how to answer those questions so you stand out.
The Anatomy Of A Great Answer When Someone Asks You A Question.
- Tell a story (doesn’t have to be a long story. Short and sweet is perfect)
- Be concise and don’t add too many details if you don’t need to.
- Don’t brag. It’s better to be humble.
- Add some humor if you can. People will like you more if you make them laugh.
- Once done with your answer, ask them a follow-up question or mirror the question. Such as “what are your thoughts?” Or, “what do you do for fun?”
To keep the flow of the conversation going with a stranger you need to reciprocate with questions.
Below are 5 tips you should follow when asking questions to strangers.
The Anatomy Of Asking A Great Question. Become A Better Questioner.
- Use open-ended questions. Start questions with, “What” or “Tell me”
- Tailor the question about the person or the environment your in.
- Not all questions have to be boring. Be creative and don’t be afraid to have fun.
- Find something in common and talk about it. Get them to say, “me too!”
- Show curiosity in the person you’re talking to.
To start any conversation, especially with a stranger, you need to understand the anatomy of questions and answers we described above.
Focus on two steps we talked about above to preparing:
Prepare to answer core questions → Prepare to ask great questions for follow up.
Feeling prepared will also help you become more confident, but preparation doesn’t mean memorization.
Over-preparing can backfire and create anxiety about memorizing your prepared questions. Use your preparation as a guide.
Approaching the conversation in a relaxed demeanor will help your mind naturally remember relevant topics that you prepared as the conversation evolves.
The good news is that self-confidence is easier to develop than you may think.
Navy SEAL David Rutherford says,
Imagine a soldier. A soldier goes through training, he’s put in uncomfortable positions, pushed beyond his limits, he doesn’t cling to results, only growth.
He repeats his training again and again…He continually pushes himself. He doesn’t mask his fear or insecurity and he acts courageously in the face of that fear. He is self-confident, not because of his ego, but because of his experiences.
Through training and hard work, he’s come to believe in himself. He learns that “I can,” and eventually “I can,” becomes his routine. This is the true heart of self-confidence.
This is self-confidence.
Most people aren’t born with high self-confidence but what happens over time is that you develop it. Through experience. Through practice.
Here are some five easy actions you can take and implement into your life to become more confident in social situations, especially when starting a conversation with a stranger.
- The willingness to learn – If you’re not willing to educate yourself on something that will make your life better then why are you here? Learning new ideas, thoughts, tips, methods, etc can help you take your life to the next level. The question is, are you ready?
- Motivation to succeed – How bad do you want to be able to meet people? What is the driving factor to talk with people who you don’t know? Is it meeting friends so you can do things on the weekend? Networking for a new job? Find that and you’ll have your motivation.
- Be ok with making mistakes or even feeling embarrassed – Making mistakes is a part of life. But our cultures and societies do make us feel it’s not ok. But in reality, it’s how we learn. It’s through experience where we become wiser.
- Take action and actually do it – What’s stopping you? Are you scared? Don’t know what to say? Take a breath and use the above ideas to help you through the barrier. You can do this. Once you do it you may feel more confident than you think. Taking action is a part where many people falter and make excuses. Don’t let this be you.
- Review and reflect on your own or with a mentor/coach – Once you’ve talked to a stranger, review and reflect on the conversation. What are the things you could do better, what did you do well? Embrace all the feelings you have and enjoy the journey. The more you talk and have conversations, the better you’ll become. If you need extra help or want to improve faster find a coach or mentor. It’s great speaking to someone who is objective and who can challenge you.
Taking action isn’t easy.
Sometimes there really isn’t a great strategy or plan. Most of the time it’s as simple as just starting. You just have to do it.
The plan sometimes is to just go up to someone and talk. Say “Hello. How’s your day?”
Here’s another quote from a badass Navy Seal, Brandon Webb. He uses a method called “violence of action.”
Webb explains that his method doesn’t mean to be literally violent but to create fast action. Do it fast and directed towards a goal. “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.”
Here is the easiest action you can take if you feel like you’re struggling to start a conversation with a stranger.
Set a goal.
This may be obvious but if you don’t have a goal in mind or a mission to accomplish you’ll feel lost.
Setting goals is linked to self-confidence, motivation, and autonomy (Locke & Lathan, 2006).
A 2015 study by psychologist Gail Matthews showed when people wrote down their goals, they were 33 percent more successful in achieving them than those who formulated outcomes in their heads.
Frank Smoll, Ph. D., a professor of psychology, emphasized three essential features of goal-setting, which he called the A-B-C of goals.
Smoll said that effective goals are ones that are:
A – Achievable
B – Believable
C – Committed
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and keep things simple when you’re setting goals.
Make the goal easy enough to achieve but also give yourself a challenge. If you believe you can meet the goal, stay committed and persist you will have a much higher chance of achieving your goals.
- Most people get nervous before meeting someone new, especially if you’re the first person to say something. This is the main reason to work on your mindset so you’re confident to meet people. The thoughts you have on a daily basis can shape your life. You are what you think you are. Learn to think positively and reframe negative thoughts.
- It’s important to prepare in some way before you talk to a stranger. Either practice what you’re going to say or practice calming your nerves. Learn To Build Resiliency and consider implementing the broaden-and-build theory.
- Build your confidence. Confidence is a huge part of accomplishing your goals, even if it’s deciding to start a conversation with a stranger. That feeling to take action doesn’t just appear. You have to experience it and learn from it.
- Take action. This is the most important step. You can prepare, know exactly what to say, and have the confidence to do it, but if you don’t take action, then it doesn’t matter. The plan sometimes is to just go up to someone and talk. Say “Hello. How’s your day?”
You got this!!